Team Rocket
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Nearly 11 years and they still haven't caught Pikajew!”
~ Nerdy fan on Team Rocket
“Bonnie and Clyde in cartoon form.”
~ Some other nerd on Team Rocket
“Who?”
~ Random Canadian
| |
| Political Ideology: | anime, Pokemon nationalism |
| Permanent Leader: | Giovanni |
| Founder: | Giovanni |
| Political Beliefs: | Pokemon nationalism in
the form: "to unite all people within our nation." |
| Founded: | December 7th, 1999 |
| Number of Seats in U.S. House of Rep.: | ALL!! |
| Number of Seats in U.S. Senate: | ALL!! |
| Allied Organizations: | Team Aqua, Team Switchblade, Team Emo, Team Up Your Ass, NAZI MOVEMENT, Team Something Else, TCP, Nazi Mexico |
| Allied Groups: | Roman Catholic Church, Punk Rock, |
Team Rocket (Japanese: Roketto-dan) is a Sex Entertainment/terrorist/Pizzeria group that was started by Giovanni Forelli after he visited "James' house of Poke-rodic". His initial plan was to name the organization "Team Wang" but their plans were foiled by the Japanese Patent Office who had already sold the rights to that name to Lance Bass, who plans to start a Gay/Lezbo Super Hero Team of the same name. Team Rocket may very well be a part of Brock's Burlap Flap, along with the evil Lunch Lady's Society and every other evil Pokemon-stealing team ever thought up by Nintendo.
Contents |
[edit] Rise to Power
Team Rocket was first a small underground trade where thugs would steal Pokemon and sell them to 12-year-old pimps in Thailand who would then sell them for sex. However, the income was small due to only several workers at the time, Jessie, James, Bitch, Cassidy, and supposedly John Mark Karr, so he claims, and also because they all sucked so bad at their job, they rarely got a single Pokemon. Giovanni, desperate to save his company from bankruptcy, he used the company's last remaining 47 cents to advertise on Pokeballs. Fortunately, about a third on the fictional country they live in joined, and the company became a huge success. Bill Gates is jealous.
[edit] Members
The two main members of Team Rocket are Jessie and James, but there are many more in the service. Jessie and James are quite possibly the two smartest people in human history. Not only have they taught a cat to walk, talk, and do other human things, but they have also built giant robots and other cool Japanese stuff with no money whatsoever, learned the secret to immortality, which is shown by them surviving many catastrophic incidents, and they have learned to fly. They also have a Meowth, a rare and naughty Pokémon who belongs to Team Rocket. He is the brains behind Jesse and James, as he comes up with their evil plans and gets them to agree through the use of sexual favours.
- Jessie is also known as Jessie, Jesse, Jessica, Jesse Orosco, Jessy, Jessey, Jessiey, Yes Girl and Zorg the Infinite. Some people accidentally called her "Jessie Orosco" when it's Jesse. Or people can just call her by her Japanese name, ムサシ Axl Rose. She hates Fred Phelps for stealing her Cat Fancy magazine. Jessie, with her great smile, soft skin, illustrious red hair, voluptuous boobs, perfect hourglass body and alluring voice, was voted as the best hentai star of the year by FHM (For Hentai Masturbators) for 4 years in a row, satisfying the sexual fantasies of many perverts who are obsessed with cartoon porn.
- James is always known as James, except when he's called Jimmy or Jimmy-Wimmy-Kins or something equally gay. His Japanese name is コジロウ EEEEEEE!!!.
- Meowth's Japanese name is ニャース Neko ni koban wa Pokémon wa koban nya!.Meowth likes to daydream about nothing people care about.
- Giovanni Forelli, otherwise known as "Da Boss," or サカ キさま. He likes playing with Hot Wheels and is a current member of the The Hare Club for Men. He also likes to smother honey on himself and let his "smexy" Pokemon lick it up.
[edit] Pokemon
[edit] Old Pokemon
Arbok: a weird long purple, poisonous, hissing dildo.
Weezing: rotting pirate testicles, who fart out of holes in their bodies.
Lickitung: A kinky 99' long extendable pink dildo.
Victreebell: A shrieking vagina with teeth.
Chimecho: a floating, sack-headed pansy with a flattened penis.
[edit] New Pokemon
Seviper: a black snake-like dildo who has a chainsaw for a tail.
Cacnea: a green spiky ball with missiles.
Dustox: a useless purple moth.
Mime Jr.: some 4-year-old Japanese boy in a pink dress.
Wobbuffett: a blue punching bag that always salutes because it is secretly a nazi
[edit] Bitch and CASSidy
There are some other wannabe members of Team Rocket. This dynamic duo has the same boss, Giovanni, but they also have their own sub-boss, Dr. Nanba Fiorello Daddio "The Science Gangster" McFucko also known as Dr Ching Chong. Cassidy, also known as Cassidy Yamato Masako Megan Andi Hilary Katsuki Hollingshead Whaley Thomas, is the female half of the duo. She has blonde hair and claims that she was Jessie's lesbian lover back during their years in that Indiana high school. Jessie, however, has gone through great measures to set the record straight, having sex with James to prove she's hetro and claiming that Cassidy was a typical anime dyke that stalks the unfortunate target of their lust vehemently, making most of Jesse's high school life a living nightmare. She went on to great detail of how, when asked out by any guy in the school, Cassidy would pounce on them, tear their throat out and take a piss or cum on them, and she made a habit of tracking down any and all of Jesse's male and female friends, acquaintences, and people in school she had made eye contact with, and sending her friends from numerous gay S&M bars around town rape and murder them, making sure the rapist(s) of each victim was of the same gender as the victim. Jesse eventually fled the country and settled in Japan, where she was able to find some amount of relief. However, in an act of sheer, unmitigated 'fuckluck', Cassidy had managed to get across the ocean by using a nearby chump (Butch) as a human raft, being way too cheap to pay air fares, and, using the hapless, half-dead dope (Butch) as her 'male team partner', was able to get in as a Team Rocket member, and continued to torment Jessie, until James finally got fed up with the whole deal and strangled her to death with the cord of a nearby payphone. This, among many other things, is what eventually led to Jessie and James' SUPAH HAWT marriage. Cassidy loves the anime Dirty Pair (duh), has been well known to stuff cigarette butts into her vagina for fun, and collects thimbles. The other member is Brandon, or was it Lawnmower? Either way, his voice sounds like an old mentally challenged chainsmoking frog. It was true that after season 9, Brandon or Lawnmower was murdered by Jessie and James by being smothered by their well practice "hump" (see above picture).
“The name's Butch! BUTCH!”
~ Jeff on people getting his name wrong
[edit] Random Rocket Grunt
One of our photographers found a Team Rocket Ninja. We don't know who this mysterious member is, but have an idea it's that Duplika bitch trying to look like Cassidy.
[edit] John Mark Karr?
He claims he was part of Team Rocket for a time. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE who is part of Team Rocket denies this. Detectives were searching information for a while, but decided to pass it as nothing more than a bunch of crap, like the time he "was there when JonBenet was killed."
“If he WAS, he'd probably (claim to) molest all the stolen Pokemon. Besides, the ones that are sexed-up before selling depreciate the value by 95.12%”
~ Giovanni on John Mark Karr
[edit] The Motto
Their better known motto goes a little like this:
- Jessie: To protect the world from decent animation
- James: To unite all losers within our nation
- Jessie: To denounce the evils of lies and slander!
- James: To extend our reach to Colonel Sanders!
- Jessie: Jessie!
- James: James!
- Jessie: Team Rocket blasts their heads off at the speed of gas
- James: Surrender now or watch out for Jessie's fat ass!!
- Meowth: Oink oink... I mean, that's right!!! .....oink
When serving as Team Dildo Rocket:
- James: Prepare for an orgy bubble!
- Jessie: With my boobs and our assholes, make it double!
- James: To have sex with everyone across the nation
- Jessie: With my pussy who needs masturbation
- Jessie: Jessie!
- James: James!
- James: Team Rocket blows your dicks as if you had good luck
- Jessie: Enough chit-chat now it's time to fuck!!
And Team Marijuana's motto:
- Jessie: Prepare for drugs!
- James: Make it weed!
- Jessie: To protect the world from cops and mothers!
- James: To unite all druggies within our nation!
- Jessie: To promote the evils of smoking weed!
- James: To extend our reach to ages 10 and below!
- Jessie: Jessie!
- James: James!
- Jessie: Team Marijuana's getting stoned at the speed of light!
- James: Smoke a joint now, or prepare to fight!
- Meowth: Meowth, I'm high!!!!!
- Wobbufet: Wobbu *cough*
And Team Red Rocket's motto:
- Jessie: Prepare for Mono
- James: Make it scoundel
- Jessie: To protect the girls from getting pregnant
- James: To unite all bastards that rub their rockets
- Jessie: To promote safe sex and condoms gallore
- James: To extend our boners to the woman in our cars
- Jessie: Messy
- James: Gaymes
- Jessie: Team Red Rocket, blasting off the speed of sex
- James: Surrender now, or watch Jessie's balls
- Meowth: Bitchin'!!
Team wackos motto
My mum thinks that you are strange, Shut up you wacko,
- @£$ off
RAPE RAPE
[edit] Where They are Now
Currently, James lives in Sacramento were he directs his own poke-porn. He also terrorizes jews because he's a racist. Said terrible acts are greatly urged on by Jesse, who, after whoring herself out to hefty businessmen in Atlantic City (she herself was kinda hefty, but has lost weight since), got married to James, and they often have TEH HAWT SECKS on and off the set. Meowth was rumored to have been killed through euthanasia in 1999, yet in reality he turned the injection on the vet at the last second, went on a brutal, murderous rampage throughout the clinic, killing both human and pokemon alike, and returned to his loving pee-ons, Jessie and James. Nowadays, Meowth secretly videotapes filming of James' films and Jessie and James gettin' it on, which averages at about sixteen times a day, and sells them on eBay.
[edit] James Rocket, The porn star years
In college James was low on money from wastering it all on drugs and sex. So James got in contact with a porno Producer named Professor Oak. He made $5,000 after that and had enough money to start a club called "James' house of Poke-rodic". Team Rocket was started as a Pokemon Strip Club in 1987 when Giovanni Forelli went to a burlesque house called "James' house of Poke-rodic". James partnered with him to deliver first class pokemon porn and sex at a cheap price. Later, James and Jessie would meet again, and be married by the great pastor Ron Jeremy who was one of James' good friends.
Unfortunately, the Team Rocket we know of are really Pod People, see here.
[edit] Jessie, the Phat Years
After years of lonliness, Jessie got depressed and let herself go. However, in a strange epiphany, mainly through the influence of a burning tangelo, she managed to pull herself out her slump, and lose all of her excess body fat, except the fat in her big bubble butt, (she kept the fat in her big bubble butt because that's the only sexy part of women bodys which fat is stored in women) which, when measured, added up to about 63 tons. Later she was able to find James, who had become quite a household name in the porn business, and the two were wed, in an exceedingly erotic fashion.
[edit] Alleged Illegal Activities
The FBI has recently implicated Team Rocket in the deaths of seven billion Indonesian prostitutes.
[edit] History of Crime
Jessie,James later on in the series are put in jail for rapeing,murdering,and eating Ash's FALALA and then they killed Dawn because shes a phat lazy bitch.What happened to Meowth?He raped Pikachu and Piplup and was thrown into a pokeball forever!
[edit] Jessie and James, Their Reunion and Mega-Erotic Wedding
Even after Jessie had lost the humongous amount of excess body fat she built up during her whoring years, she still felt quite lonely, and sought the company of James, the one human male that had been able to put up with her shit without demanding to fuck her. James, who was currently directing his next film, "Charizard's Perpetually Burning Loins", was also feeling quite lonely, as many porn-directors do. He longed for the sweet companianship of the only one he had ever felt love for, yet had never had the balls to tell, Jessie. Also, he longed for breasts that weren't those of that flaming drag-queen, Jinx. Suddenly, in the middle of the shooting, Jessie appeared, and he and she both felt feelings that had been welled up inside the both of them for quite some time burst through, and they had TEH HAWT, STICKY SECKS on set. Eight days later, when they finally stopped fucking each other for a moment, they made the decision to get married, in Ron Jeremy's Cathedral of Erotica and Flapjacks. On the day they proudly stood at the altar, readily reciting wedding vows filled with both romantic comments and jaw-droppingly obscene sexual innuendo. James, clad in a sleeveless, assless, crotchless leather tuxedo, and Jessie, dressed in her mother's completely see-through wedding dress, and her uncle's completely see-through lingerie, were happily wed that day, and were soon reunited with Meowth, who had to flee from Belgium under a false name after an horrifically hilarious close-encounter with euthanasia. Some time after the wedding, Jessie had been fucked by Blue Elmo and is currently 7 months pregnant with his child.
[edit] Motto
In every episode, they say their motto, which is the least annoying thing in the world and goes something like this:
Prepare for trouble!
Make it double....
To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all peoples within our nation!
To denounce the evils of truth and love
To extend our reach to the stars above
A rose by any other name just as sweet!
When everything's worse our work is complete!
Jessie!
James!
Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!
Surrender now or prepare to fight
Meowth! That's right!
There is also a new motto for sinnoh. It goes like this:
On the wind!
Past the stars!
In your ear!
Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace!
Dashing hope putting fear in its place!
Jessie!
James!
Meowth! Now dat's a name!
Putting the do-gooders in their place!
We're Team Rocket
In your face!
Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!
[edit] Team Rocket NEVER wins
One interesting thing to note about team rocket is that they will NEVER achieve victory, in any episode. Well, mabee they have about twice, but for the Ash, Misty, Brock vs Team rocket win ratio, the team has lost OVER 9000 times per win. Therefore, this show really isn't worth watching, knowing that Team Rocket will ALWAYS get their asses kicked, no matter what. Looks like they are blasting off again!! Why won't they kick Ash's @$$ For once!!!!????????
| |
| Pokémon: | Electrode - Arceus - Charmander - Dialga - Giratina - Grue - Hyundai - Jigglypuff - Kyogre - Ling-Ling - Latios and Latias - Meowth - Mewtwo - Mudkip - Pichu - Palkia - Pikachu - Poliwag - Rayquaza - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Whangdoodle - Wobbuffet - Togepi - Pikachu (Ash) - Piplup - Manaphy - Torchic - Mew - Yoshi |
| People: | Ash - Team Rocket - Misty - Brock - Professor Oak - Nurse Joy - Max - Officer Jenny - Pokemon Kid |
| Locations: | Glitch City - Pokemon Island - Silph Co. - Spear Pillar |
| Other: | Pikachu seizure - Pikachusetts - Pokémon Battles - Windows FireRed/LeafGreen - Anime series - PokeBitches - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - Pokemon (Show) - UnNews: Ash Dies - UnNews Pokémon Indonesia Special - Christian Symbology - FCC censorship - Pokémon (the text game) - Pokemon card - UnBooks:The UnOfficial Pokédex |
