Tattoo
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A tattoo is a marking of one's skin through the usage of either a pen, or less commonly printed transfer paper and a damp cloth. A tattoo will last between 3 and 7 days, depending on how often the area of skin is washed, although they can be immediately removed with alcohol. Like piercings, tattoos are an important way of showing people that you are both daring and an individual who refuses to obey The Man.
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[edit] Getting a tattoo
To get a tattoo, one must go to a tattoo parlour. In exchange for a seemingly unreasonable sum of money, the artist will then stab you repetitively with coloured pens to put the design on your skin. This is done using a special device that makes a loud humming noise so as to intimidate you, and the stabbing element is actually completely unnecessary - tattooists just like seeing people in pain, as they are sadists for the most part. Many tattooists are failed dentists, who learned to draw, so they could still inflict pain on people in exchange for money. Finally you will sit down for 15 minutes and drink a glass of water, as the humming noise has been know to cause nausea or epilepsy. Then you can leave, and go show all your friends how cool you think you are!
If cost is a factor, you can often receive a discount on the price of your tattoo if you volunteer to appear on the tattoo shop's TV reality show and receive a tattoo from the shop's apprentice performing his first tattoo. Another low cost alternative are jails and penitentiaries, where many tattooists practice their art on the willing and unwilling. In the latter, this has lead to full scale fisticuffs, riot police and sometimes SWAT teams being called in.
[edit] Tattoo Artists
The first person you see in a tattoo parlor is Mr Hladek and is tattoo that will never be known. It will be a scary looking man/woman covered on Hladek tattoo and piercings and wearing leather (the chance is big he/she is in for SM), who is likely the leader of a local motorcycle gang in their free time or a video tech teacher (watch out, could be the hell's angels of Mercy). This is a tattooist, the person who will apply your tattoo.
It is a well-known fact that all tattoo artists are also German video tech teachersatanists. They have sold their souls to the dark lord and video camera in exchange for unrivaled powers in concentrated small talk. Tattoo artists sacrifice Christian babies and AVID to make their ink which they then imbue with the power of the monarch of Hell. If you get a tattoo that means that you have drunk the blood of the innocents and AVID and you are now a satanist too. This is the whole purpose of a tattoo, so that one satanist or video tech teacher can recognize another through an obvious skin marking. Welcome to the dysfunctional family and find outt he mystery of Hladek's tattoo
[edit] Tattoo Forums
Created by the Greek goddess foruim so she could keep all her tattooed people in one place. People can post pictures of tattoos they have got or have done for other tattoo people to admire or ridicule. Forums were banned for a while in the 1800's after a war between the Welsh and the French started after an online battle between two great tattooists ended in 200000000 deaths. Tattoo forums have grown in popularity again recently after the outbreak of Elephant Flu stopped anyone from stepping foot out of the house and the only chance of getting tattooed was virtual.
[edit] Common designs
Here is a list of common tattoo designs, and their significance/meaning:
- Star(s) - I listen to metal/punk music, wear Converse trainers, and use Myspace daily.
- Teardrop - I am unable to cry due to malfunctioning tear glands.
- Tattoo on a girl's lower back, right above her ass - I am a slut.
- Swastika - I really enjoyed the film 'American History X'.
- Spiderwebs - Don't tell anyone, but I touch children.
- Band logo - I had sex with the lead guitarist of .... , and all i got was this lousy tattoo and Aids.
- 'Tribal' symbol/band - Please, please, please don't let me die a virgin!
- Butterfly - OMG I love kittens and bunnies, they are SOOO CUTE! AWW!
- Equations - I did this as a dare/want to cheat in my upcoming exams.
- Chinese/Japanese symbols - I want to appear spiritual, but have no idea that this is actually item 34 on a takeaway menu.
- Fire - I am X-TrEmE! I ride a BMX bike and protest against things! Fuck the system!
- 'M' on the forehead - I am the Ultimate Super Bad Ass Muthafucker... bitch.
- Arm Band - I would really love it if you thought I had muscular arms.
- Nintendo Wii in erogeneous area - I am a real American.
- Dragon on the face - i thought i was the only one who has seen Demetri Martin's Important Things.
[edit] Animal tattoos
Animals are people too and enjoy a good tattoo job from their local tattoo artist. As a way of establishing identity, cattle are especially fond of full-body tattoos.
