Tandem skydive

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A tandem skydiver opening his parachute

Tandem Skydiving (or know as anally raped skydive) is a form of skydiving instruction that allows you to be strapped (5 connection points)to a large foreigner. During the training period you will be required to take this foreigner to dinner or for drinks, however I found that a case of beer each visit mostly removes this requirement. Sometimes it will seem that your tandem master has not bathed or is hungover, this is just a side effect from jumping.


During training, female students often have trouble with their leg and chest straps so instructors will spend considerable time adjusting them, this is normal. Tandem parachute's have computer's that will save your life if you choose not to. On very very windy days, other jumpers will gather in small groups and watch you jump so they can observe your landing for their own self gratification. Sometimes on windy days, tandem masters get sand in their vagina. Other tandem masters seem to know when this happens and tell them about it. Tandem masters are very passionate about something called rotation and sport fucking because they seem to yell at each other about it quite frequently. My tandem master was so concerned about a girl from the day before that he got her name, number, and address from the file cabinet and made repeated calls to her home and even drove past her house to make sure she would date him. I heard quite a few people talking about safety meetings, They seem to be a private matter and take place in the wood's next to the clubhouse or in the parking lot.

Kicking your leg's and waving your arm's will cause the parachute to open before you impact the ground. You cannot obtain a refund after a parachute does not open and you impact the ground at a high rate of speed.

The tandem training method is used for people who might not open their parachute by themselves. If you feel airsick during the airplane ride, throw up in your jumpsuit because your stomach acid can eat through the harness and cause you to plummet to your death. Evidently each dropzone has a butcher, because all the tandem masters talk about is (fresh meat on the dz)

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