From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The free and wonderful city of Tampon federation of trade and the great home of Bubba the 9th and Jimbo I who we are to honor.
|Motto: '"Don't kill that Tampon! respect it!",|
|Anthem: The Tampax Pearl|
|Official language(s)||Wikiese Kittenese|
|Government||Limited monarchy, formally consensus-driven federation|
|National Hero(es)||The Great King Jimbo I,|
Queen Angela, and The Other Great Wiki Administrators
|Some time in 2001|
|Population||More than 3(official), about 1,100,000|
Tampon (pronouced: Tawm-paw) is the real capital city of Wikiland.(for the Simulated capital, see Meta) Its main economic contributions are Real Cuban Made cancer stix and a life time supply of payphones which are exported to places such as Potato and Calorington. Its current mayor is Jimbo I . Tampon is known to the the Uncyclopedian government as Tp. Tampa is also known as the best fucking city on earth, thanks to Frostings etc located at 500 South Howard Avenue.
edit A long long long Time Ago
Tampon was founded in 1860 by Billy Bob junior and his army of Confederate construction workers as a toilet stop for the Confederate soldiers preparing to fight the Union. This toilet stand was named Fort Tampa in memorial of General Tampon Jackson. In 1860 there was a battle over the toilet fecalities in Tampa due to the Unions desperation to go pee. This was the only time the southerners were actually wiser than the Union. This battle is honored even today as an important battle in the Civil War.
edit Some Time right before The Second Great War (WWII)
In 1940, Tampa started the mafia project in an effort to boost the city's economy. The Mafia business was a very successful project. Tampa's main business in the Mafia was the receivership of drugs and ready to huff kittens from Haiti(since the drug growing projects had been outsourced) and Super-duper Cuban Cigars. Some of the Mafia bosses still were deprived of one thing, an endless supply of free sex. Eventually, the Mafia went into decline as the bosses concentrated more on sex rather than business.
edit It's getting boring Skipping Ahead to the 1980's
In the early 1980's, the bosses quit the mafia and focused their attention on naked women. Eventually, sex shops and strip clubs became Tampa's main economic business. Many famous and monumental landmarks were created by the sex industry. Such as Mons Venus and 2001 Odyssey nude. These monumental engineering feats would eventually be named as wonders of the modern world. Tampa's economy boomed as tourism to these monuments exploded.
edit In the Grand year of 1995
In 1995, Mons Venus began giving free lap dances. On this year, the tourism industry of Tampa set a world record for the most tourism in one year. Over 50,000,000, visitors came from near and far for a free lap dance.
edit After the Internet Turned to XXX 21'st century
In the early 21st century, the simulation and internet sex business became more successful than sex in Tampa. As simulations and porn websites became more popular. A sex website known as Bomis spawned a website known as Wikipedia. Wikipedia would soon become the government of Tampa. But for know, Wikipedia was just a useful encyclopedia. Until 2006, Tampa became a popular retirement home, and the condo business flourished as motels, factories, stores, and office buildings were converted into condos.
edit People Who Claim to have spoken to Black Jesus Swear this Happened
In 2006, the Nike Revolution occurred. Tampa was devastated by this disaster. Many of Tampa's famous landmarks such as Mons Venus strip club and The giant Cockroach Motel were destroyed by as they were bombarded with Nike shoes. After this, Wikipedia took over as the government of Tampa as well as the government of all of the south east Except Mississippi Which is run By a Supremely Awesome Ruler Casino Game named AltraRoboTronic the Duce (you never f-k with the Duce). They renamed the south Wikiland and they educated the rednecks of Alabama, Georgia, and rural Florida until they were smarter than Jessica Simpson in the Wikipedia virtual school. Unfortunately, most of the Rednecks did not want to learn any more than this so they dropped out the virtual school. Some residents of the south(mostly Alabama residents and members of the balls on truck group. ) were not happy with being educated to such an intelligence level. So they formed a resistance against Wikipedia known as the Redneck Empire. There army consisted of many gun toting republicans who were highly supportive of Bert, a known terrorist. Their leader was Boba Fett, who frequently attacked in terrorist attacks using improvised beer bombs. This resistance was futile. Tampa became a Kitten growing center in 2014 when Kitten and co. outsourced their Kitten manufacturing operations to Wikiland. Kitten Huffing soon became a local business which attracted many tourists from places like the United States and Oklahoma. In 2020, Tampa and all of Wikiland had fully recovered from the Nike revolution and had emerged from being a third world country. The condo industry thrived as the population of intelligent rural people moved to the cities. But all was not well as the number of disposed kittens began to rise. These kittens were given jobs such as garbage men, and dog poo cleaners who cleaned the dog poo out of the parks and condos. In 2029, a kitten wearing a V mask was convicted of killing Dick Cheney and toppling the evil regime over the United States. Once convicted, all disposed kittens were sentenced to be huffed in what came to be known as the Great Huff. Most Kittens were huffed but a few managed to escape and form an allience with The Redneck Empire and the Scientologists. This alliance then created their own city which was called Tampon. Tampon was a very good city which offered cheap but high quality hotels, condos and free kitten huffs. The buildings of this city resembled giant Tampons. This eventually destroyed the economy of Wikiland and in 2031, the Wikilandians started operation fart storm in an attempt to asphyxiate the kittens of Tampon. This however only darkened the sky, and eventually the kittens destroyed Tampa with a giant Tampon gun. They built some suburbs of Tampon in its place. In 63 AC(2094), The Humor resistance of Uncyclopedia invaded Wikiland in an attempt to capture king Jimbo I. In retaliation for the severe vandalism that Jimbo had caused at Uncyclopedia. over 42,000 high level government Tampons including Mr. Pelican Shit were captured in this invasion. But King Jimbo was no where to be found. Three Weeks after the invasion, King Jimbo released a video on Wiki News showing him mocking Chancellor Chronarion and Lord Stillwaters for not finding him in Tampon Palace. The war continued for another 590 years until a truce was signed between Humour and fact.
edit EconomyFucking hell.
Tampon is currently on an economic roll with its business in payphones, Dukes of Hazzard copeis, toilets, and sex toys. The main company that manufactures payphones is called Wikiphone and is a very successful corporation. Its annual revenue is $5. The corporation that manufactures sex toys also manufactures Dukes of Hazzard copies and is known as WikiSex. But Tampons most successful business is toilets, these toilets are all manufactured by Wikitoilet. Wikitoilet earned a record $200,000,000,000 in 2089 in their toilet venture. Tampon's other industry is tourism. Tampon usually sees 5 tourists a week. Tampon's main attractions are 2001 Odyssey Nude(A family oriented strip club), The Historical Ruins of Mons Venus(Pictured above.), and The Huffer's Pussy Hotel and Theme Park.
Tampon closely resembles a giant Tampon which is built on a flat swamp filled with mosquitos, rednecks and Illegal New yorkers. There are also beaches along the gulf coast that used to be the main tourist attractions. Now they are swarming with Grues due to operation Fart Storm.
Tampon's intelligent creature population is made up of 50.56% human, 40.90%kitten, and 9.64% dog. Most human residents of Tampon are Goths, as the Sun never shines due to fart storm. Most of Wikiland's Non-Gothic residents are living in Wikipedia unaware that they are actually pod people living in big tanks of Jello. Most of Tampon's residents are actually Tampon's and rats. But they are not included above as they are not intelligent. (Or at least that's what they think...)
As mentioned above, Tampon's human population is largly Cyber Gothic or Geek or Guido/Newyorker. Many heavy metal bands are based in Tampon. The most famous being "No life is ever enjoyable but I love the sun". This band released many albums such as "Kitten Huffing sucks because it is enjoyable" "I just don't kill myself because the suffering would end". The Goth's never usually visit The Commons or the strip clubs. As they show things too optimistic on life. The small number of Tampon's non gothic residents who are not pod people, are football playing teenagers who enjoy visiting the many high quality strip clubs with their fraternity buddies. The Kitten culture of Wikiland is mainly obsessed with recreating the crappy Kittyslasher Entertainment films article on Uncyclopedia. They have made many other crappy articles including the infamous article "Runescape". The band Hawthorne Heights often visits the local malls appealing to the local secne kids and often seen giving head to what they call "those scary black guys that threaten to beat us up."
Jimbo I is currently the great mayor of Tampon. And Oscar Wilde is the great C.E.O of scientology. And the great leader of all, Bubba the 9th. Tampon is currently the capital of Wikiland although it is thought to be Meta by many world leaders. The military of Wikiland is also based in Macdill Airforse Base in South Tampon. The military of Wikiland frequently tests bombs in the poor parts of South Tampon. The residents of South Tampon have attempted to sue the Wikiland government for their damages but they have had no luck.