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edit From Pee Review
Created after reading that page on the creative process. I found the funny in walls.....or did I???? Please tell me.04:31, Aug 27, 2007
|Humour:||8||Quite funny most of the way through. My suggestion is to spread out the redundancy a bit though. Early on there's not so much, and later on it just kind of piles on. It is a good redundancy though.|
|Concept:||10||Can't say I've ever thought that "Walls" would be a particularly hilarious article.|
|Prose and formatting:||9||The parentheses areas are a little messy; other than that, fine.|
|Images:||10||Just fine, these images are.|
|Miscellaneous:||10||10 points for making this subject funny.|
|Final Score:||47||So yes. Think about the Humo(u)r comment, and fix a bit with the parentheses. Only other thing is the author dying near the end really didn't seem all that relevant, or even very funny. That's about it. You've got a pretty solid article here.|
|Reviewer:||08:40, 27 August 2007 (UTC)|
edit From Pee Review (take two)
Second opinions are off the hizzy. Please review very much please.18:09, Aug 31, 2007
|Humour:||7||Holy flying bovines! I like it. I like it alot. The one thing I would suggest, though, is to be a bit more subtle. Sort of. It's hard to describe in these little boxes, so see endnotes.|
|Concept:||10||I hate extended metaphors, and, therefore, love anything that makes fun of them.|
|Prose and formatting:||9||There ought to be spaces before and after the parenthesis. Nothing major.|
|Miscellaneous:||10||I like tens. They make boxes go green.|
|Final Score:||46||This article holds up not only the ceiling, but my spirit.|
Okay, here's my one suggestion. The extended metaphors are funny enough without the little side comments. Take something like this:
Ah, walls. If the government is the foundation, and minorities are the floor that gets trampled on, then walls are the "walls" that hold up the massive, domed ceiling of society(Wow, what a great metaphor I've invented. I'll have to reuse this...).
And try it more like this:
I think a lot of the parentheses and italic formatting can be excluded, because they dull the stupidity (and the humor) of the extended metaphor. "Walls play a vital role in "holding up" the ceiling of the economy(Wow, this metaphor just gets better and better, every time I use it!)." could work just fine without the side comments. Or, if you really want to keep them, I'd suggest making footnotes?
Other than that, I found the thing hilarious.
- Yes, I think I will make them footnotes. Thanks for the review, Dr. S! 18:31, Aug 31, 2007
Genius. --Rilstix 13:15, 11 September 2007 (UTC)