Talk:Stages of Grief

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Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Stages of Grief38TheLedBalloonProse: 6.510/22
Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Stages of Grief36Hans JohnsonImages: 611/8
talk:Stages of Grief36AEProse/Formatting: 412/1
Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Stages of Grief33.5Unknown_userHumor/Concept: 612/14
avg = 35.9 --- lowest = 5.6



Humour: 8 I found it very amusing. The style almost reminded me of your page red light, which had a similar feel. However, this one is clearly longer, and so the flow of the page has to be even more dead-on. Don't be afraid to re-read what you have written, and see what you want to change. When I'm writing something, a lot of the time I like to read it over and over, just looking for stuff to fix.
Concept: 9 Nothing about the stages of grief before? No. I don't believe it. I won't believe it. Man, fuck this site, not having a page bout the stages of grief! Tell you what, uncyclopedia, I'll do anything you want, just please let there be a page about the stages of grief! You know what? Why bother with anything at all, if there's no page about the stages of grief? *Sigh,* I guess I'll just have to accept that there is no page about the stages of grief. Oh wait now there is. Yay!
Prose and formatting: 6.5 Again, you ran into just a few issues with prose, just really try to make the page flow. The thing about humor is that is has to really be there, and this page is very close to there. Like I said, don't be afraid to re-word anything that you see, I kinda tried to re-word a bit at the end, just to make it feel different. Maybe it was what you were going for, maybe not; either way, feel free to revert.
Images: 7 Good, fairly images, but I like captions. They're a great spot to toss in a one-liner(I know you dislike them, but a few aptly placed can add some great comedy to a page.) Still, this is one of those pages where it's not 100% necessary, so it's up to you.
Miscellaneous: 7.5 Nothing special to say here, maybe switch bargaining with depression, to be consistent with the real thing?
Final Score: 38 Yeah, basically, I'd say that I like this page a lot, and with a few minor tune-ups it could be easily feature-quality. There is nothing blatantly removable or blatantly keepable, so look through it, and focus on touching up the flow. Good luck, writing is hard!
Reviewer: - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:22, Oct 22
Humour: 8 You certainly capture the moods accurately. However, the article occasionally breaks the fourth wall (for example, "I'll be too angry in the next stage to remember this stuff", or "I need to move on to the next stage of grief"). The humor you made for this article lies in that the narrator is supposedly genuinely experiencing the stages of grief. It distracts from the true humor of the article to find it self-conscious of its own subject. I strongly recommend removing such parts.
Concept: 8 A wonderful concept! Certainly one worthy of satire. I'm actually surprised no one thought of this before.
Prose and formatting: 7 Normally, short, disjointed sentences don't work for articles, but here, they fit the mood(s) well.
Images: 6 I recommend you add captions to the images. Otherwise they come off as randomly-thrown-in images. Also, get rid of some of the images. With that many, especially with them all on the same side, it feels too listy. In particular, eliminate the "angry drill sergeant" and the "crying baby" images, as they don't complement the story quite like the others do.

I have a number of suggestions for image captions:

  • for Denial River: "The water here is perfectly safe."
  • for Bargain: "The allure of bargaining is very powerful." or "You should remember that bargaining never works, and is only a temporary illusion."
  • for Shark With Laser: [...I can't think of anything. But it needs some sort if caption. Put in something funny but relevant.]
Miscellaneous: 7 I highly recommend you get rid of the "A little cannibalism" section and its associated "blood spatter" image. It is just so incongruous with the rest of the article that it kills the ambiance. It feels like a pointless excuse to fit that particular image in. Of course, this would mean reducing the "seven stages" to six.
Final Score: 36 I'm going to explain my rating system now. It may be different, but it is, I daresay, more realistic. Some people seem to rate using 10 as the "default" grade, and then knock points down from there. I start at 5 (for "average"), and add or subtract points from there. So it's harsh yet more accurate. If you have questions, feel free to ask me. --Hans Johnson as in "keep ya hans off my" (cover your eyes!)
Reviewer: --Hans Johnson as in "keep ya hans off my" (cover your eyes!) 19:56, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

I'll review this shortly--Æ 19:14, 1 December 2007 (UTC)

Okay Cajek, this is my first review, so it might not be the best, but here is my honest opinion

Humour: 7 I'm somewhat familiar with the stages of grief, and I understood the jokes. It wasn't hilarious, but it was funny twisting the jokes and got a chuckle out of me here and there. It starts out strong, but than as the article goes on, the joke becomes dead, but the end was pretty good. My suggestion is to have more variety, I've read several of your articles, and I know you can have more...
Concept: 8 The concept was not only clever, but original. And as TheLedBalloon and HansJohnson said, nothing about stages of grief before? Glad you wrote about it.
Prose and formatting: 4 I didn't like the formatting here. The lists got boring! I suggest cutting down on them. You should focus on the content, not the lists. Remember what I said, this could have more variety and that includes less lists...
Images: 10 Wonderful! The images were great, not because of the images itself, but because of the captions which made the images great. Great job!!
Miscellaneous: 7 Not much else to say, good article overall
Final Score: 36 Good, not wonderful. I'd say, keep working, add variety, cut down lists, and resumbit when you're done.
Reviewer: --Æ 19:31, 1 December 2007 (UTC)
Here's what your brother has to say about this--Blueflatcapsig Sir Unknown User (Talk : Cont : VFH : PEE : CUN) 05:37, 14 December 2007 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Great job! As usual, you put forth your comedic talent and subversive humor in a well organized manner. However, I do recall seeing an article very similar in theme. Like AE said, your jokes do go stale and by the time I got halfway, I was getting kinda bored.
Concept: 6 Like I said before, the concept of the stages of guilt really isn't that unique. Sure, you may have been first to come up with the article for the concept, but there are many other articles who share this theme. Again, your jokes do go stale, and seem to be borrowed from constipation.
Prose and formatting: 6.25 Myself being no expert on formatting, I can only say that there are a few clinkers here and there but your storytelling is otherwise excellent. Limit your lists and include a few subheadings for every main heading (I hate articles that contain nothing but a series of level 1 or 2 headings)
Images: 9 I liked the captions a lot. Very punny. I will usually score pictures pretty well as long as there is a pun involved or funny picture.
Miscellaneous: 6.25 It needs a better ending than what you have. Abrupt changes can be funny, but I wan't something I can leave the page feeling "good" about
Final Score: 33.5 Bet you were not expecting a review from me? Expect me to roll over and whore because I came to you for help and you did (Thank you very much BTW)? No. In my opinion, nothing is perfect, there can always be something better. What that is I may never know, and I am a hypocrite when it comes to Pee Review. But this is not your best work; think of what you did for my Why?:Stick Things in the Electrical Outlet that made it my own personal best. What can you do to take this to my unachievable (and extremely hypocritical) level? Don't take this too personally. It still is a great article.Also this is payback for being a bitch when you pissed on my article Good Job
Reviewer: --Blueflatcapsig Sir Unknown User (Talk : Cont : VFH : PEE : CUN) 05:24, 14 December 2007 (UTC)
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