Talk:Santa Claus

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edit Revertarising

Hi,

I am the writer of some of the newer santa stuff, including the peadophilia overview, Santa Claus is coming to town explaniation, clarification of naught and nice lists, yada, blah, etc blah blubbery blah. And It looks like putting it in has pissed someone off who used to have the top possie on this page.

So, Instead of bitching over which version is better, we should take a week to post feedback on which version is better and which parts of our less liked version should be retained. Put down your vote and reasoning, then once we tally it all up, everyone can shut the fuck up and accept what is published. (Until this bullshit arises again)

You can vote for version A which starts:

"Santa Claus (Genus/Species: Hohohomo Sapiens) is arguably one of the most feared peadophiles in the world. Currently he is wanted in almost every country (excluding Greece, Kazakhstan and The Pitcairn Islands) as well as almost every state in the world (with the exeption of California in the United States and Tasmania in Australia)"

Or Version B which starts:

"The first documents we have of 'El Santo' can be found in the Bible. See the Messiah. Originally a German officer, noted war ace, and inventor during WWI, notorious supervillain Santa Claus is the absolute monarch and dictator for life of The Duchy of the Arctic Circle, located at the North Pole."

Please vote A or B first and then discuss if you care.

Discussion Closes Midnight AWDST 14 January 2007.

I vote for A, so there.

-robonair

So basically, the new Santa article is fucking stupid and I'm here to revert it back to its former glory and add a few awesome things of my own to it. Don't fix things that aren't broken, fucktards. - Bill Rizer


This article is crying out for the addition of Krampus and Zwarte Piet. Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. --KP CUN 23:08, 15 Aug 2005 (UTC)


Santa is an idiot

That isn't true! It's not! --Rcmurphy KUN 23:13, 15 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Additional note. While I have a bunch of other articles I am working on, someone editing this one may be able to use the following picture:

Krampus

Krampus, the evil companion of Santa Claus who throws sticks at small children when he is on his best behavior. On his worst behavior, he kidnaps them and drowns them in a river.

Further note: I did not make this up.

--KP CUN 23:25, 15 Aug 2005 (UTC)


edit Thanks, KP!

Hey KP, I stupidly could not find out how to thank you personally, so let me go on record here. Thanks a whole hell of a lot for suggestions Krampus and Zwarte Piet, and for conveniently placing that wonderful picture. I'm working on Zwarte Piet currently.

Of course, this is (and was) Rossangeles. Forgive the lack of covnenient links, I'm still learning here.

edit Merger?

It really doesn’t make sense to merge this article with Santa "The Duke" Claus. This article has been around a lot longer. The other one is just a stub that has been around for less than a week. --KP CUN 11:30, 6 Oct 2005 (UTC)

edit Merger

I agree, and also, I'm annoyed because I've already removed this stupid merger suggestion once. It's nice to know that I'm at least not a lone opinion in this matter. I'm removing the tag again. --Rossangeles

  • It does seem consistant with the Santa's military career. It might make a good addition to the article with a bit of a rewrite. By the way isn't "The Duke" one of his aliases ? MadMax 00:16, 22 Oct 2005 (UTC)

edit  ?

Has anyone realised that this article is just not funny? At all?

Has anyone realized that you ought get your ass kicked?
+1 Zing!

edit Lies!

All lies. It is my belief that Santa Claus is actually running a sweatshop to make those toys up in the north pole. And those "elves" just illegal Mexican immigrants who's growth is stunted by the years of gamma radiation induced slop that Santa feeds them. Thank you for your time, and goodbye.

                          From,
                              Slipp, prince of all that is insane.

p.s. Ya that's right. I don't have a profile!

Actually, you're not too far off. Santa is working a slavehouse (please note the section on Santa's crimes). But the elves anen't illegal immagrants. Santa kidnapps short people and injects them with a growth-stopper. As for the reindeer...you don't want to know what he does to them.Someguy 44 19:16, 31 March 2007 (UTC)
P.S.- JOIN ME IN MY ANTI-WIKI BATTLE!Someguy 44 19:17, 31 March 2007 (UTC)

edit Benson Edit

BOTM This article has been blessed by the great BENSON.
BENSON himself has edited the article, and thus feels that it is worthy of a place in Uncyclopedia.

SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 10:02, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

edit Major Edit

I edited this article by adding the "Omnipotent and Omniscient" section (read it), removing the absolutely stupid shit, rearranging the sections into a comprehensible order, corrected spelling mistakes, and adjusting the positioning of images so they look decent. Justin Satyr 09:47, 1 June 2007 (UTC)

edit What happened to this article?

I haven't visited this article for a while, but I remembered it as a friggin' hilarious account of Santa being an evil dictator. This has apparently been replaced with a load of unfunny shit about pedophilia. What happened?

edit Windows Live Messenger Santa

Check out these stories. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/12/03/santa_filth_outrage/ http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/12/04/microsoft_kills_santa/ http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/12/06/microsoft_santa_lies/ This is gold. I added a line about it in the main article, but I'm not very humorous. Somebody do some stuff with this. HoCkEy PUCK 00:15, 7 December 2007 (UTC)

edit Crap...

Thai Uncyclopedian reveal that Santa was killed in Japan. Ace Attacker 04:55, 23 December 2007 (UTC)

edit Current location!

I discovered where he lives! He lives In Snohomish, Washington and goes to a church in Maltby. Check his beard and I.D. and son! You'll gain any required information.

edit Santa Claus in prison

When Santa Claus was 34 years old, he was in the army. He was to report to the southern coast of Asia but on his trip he was ambushed by crazy Japanese cops. They took him and forcefully stuffed his fat ass in their car, the trip was very hard on Santa for the Japanese were known for their poor driving skills. Once they arrived at the Japanese prison camp, they hit him several times and broke his nose. Investigators reported that they must have stabbed his leg once during the entire course of his imprisonment. The following is from his journal, taken while he was still in the camp:

January 24th - I was captured by some crazy Japs, they hit me and hurt my nose really bad, the bruises seem pretty dark. If these things think they can keep me here for long, then they'll be sorry. It's only a matter of time before I can get back up on my feet.

January 27th - The 26th was nothing special, just some training, they want to make sure I don't try to escape. They stuck something in my leg but I can't bend forward to see. Maybe sometime in February I can walk well enough to escape. Who knows, maybe this is all a bad dream, a really bad dream.

February 8th - My hunger is killing me, I may not escape afterall. My fingers are shaking and are tired.

February 9th - This is my last entry, I cannot write much because of my fingers.

February 13th - I've woken up in an American hospital, alive. I am so happy now, but they have found out that I am a sex offender, so it's back to jail.

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