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edit From Pee Review
|Humour:||4||I tried, but nothing came out when I went to laugh. :(|
|Concept:||7||One of the people who I'd expect to be a red link, and the timeline of events is sequential. Good.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||A little blocky, few grammaticals, but overall pretty decent layout and prose.|
|Images:||5||The ones that are there need captions in order to be more than just pictures of Roger (and Pete in the second...that really needs something funny).|
|Miscellaneous:||8||Because it seems like you put some effort into it.|
|Final Score:||31||Its all there but the laughs (see endnotes).|
|Reviewer:||THINKER 06:17, 13 May 2007 (UTC)|
I feel like there is a much funnier possible here. Roger was a rock star in one of the most raucous of bands this world has ever known; the article seems way too tame compared to what it could be.
As it is, however, I like a few of the later jokes (Tremors reference appreciated), but its too slow on the buildup. The first and second paragraphs don't entice the reader to continue on. Its not the hilarious version of nonsensical right now. I know I hate it when people say "make it funnier" and leave it at that, so my suggestions on improvement would be:
- The aforementioned delving into Roger's actual life. I read on your page that you don't like the band; he's probably got more exploitable qualities in real life than you've encountered. If you're serious, be satirical and do your research.
- If you'd like to stick with the Daltons and filmmaker angle, I'd still try to incorporate more reality into the article. The only current basis in reality that this article contains is his connection to Pete Townshend. Again, not liking the band might be a deterrent, but finding out some more humorous elements of the person will absolutely help the article.
If you stick with Option #2, you might want to consider some progressive edits, but if you decide to choose the more difficult first option, you might want to do an overhaul and rewrite it.
Keep the formatting skills though: they are definitely not wasted here. And get some captions on those pictures. Happy editing! :) --THINKER 06:17, 13 May 2007 (UTC)