Talk:Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila

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Other articles link to this. It could be worth having an article on Proxima Centauri. As I'm the author I can't see how other readers relate to this one. Can readers who don't know astronomy see the point of the jokes? If you keep it it should be developed in a different way.Proxima Centauri 18:05, 2 April 2008 (UTC)

Delete it if you like. I've saved it somewhere else.Proxima Centauri 02:22, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

I think I can get that article to be worth keeping now. I need time to reread the Aurelia article in Wikipedia and work out the story. I'll probably do a bit every week so it will be an exciting cerial serial.Proxima Centauri 07:13, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

Proxima Centauri 08:26, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

I assume the similarity between "Aurelia" and "Porrila" doesn't matter. I've given a citation. I also think tides are possible. The planet would be tidally locked turning the same face always to its sun. I think tides could still happen if the orbit of the planet were elliptical. I’m only an amateur astronomer. It doesn’t matter too much. It’s only a story.Proxima Centauri 08:40, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

edit The aliens are possible

Note. The basic rules of dominance and submission are the same as on Earth. Dominant individuals use resources which lower ranking individuals may not share without permission. Submission is signalled by making oneself look small, weak and unthreatening. The only difference is that mud is highly valued and is in no way ridiculous or demeaning. These aliens are scientifically possible. If our ancestors had evolved in mangrove swamps rather than in tropical rain forests we could have been like that.Proxima Centauri 15:59, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

edit Hmm...

I have two points about this article:

  1. You're clearly putting a lot of science behind it, it's almost like writing a terrorist article here. Now this isn't particularly a bad thing, but i don't think you need to backup everything you write with evidence (well not everything, bits...).
  2. I think you're writing it in the wrong place. I think this would be funny if you did it like War of the Worlds was originally done, but not like that... Have you heard of UnNews? UnNews is a satirical version of a news website, run by Uncyclopedia (if you haven't heard of it - if you have, sorry!). I think you should catalog the whole thing in a series of relatively short UnNews article, you could polish them, rewrite them, get others to help you, then when you're done gradually release them onto UnNews... (in realtime). So the first one could be "Is there life on Proxima Centauri"? This would be a big job, and would require a different writing style, but I think it would work better for the article...

...But they're just my opinions. If you do go for UnNews I'll be happy to give you as much help as humanly possible, if you want it. But whatever you do, keep it in your userspace for a while and just keep going over it. (Do you know what userspace is, by the way?) - 12:49 8 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Perhaps I could carry on writing it as it is. Later excerpts could be released as news items. Later still when the story is complete we can add a link saying, See the full story here.Proxima Centauri 19:59, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
The thing is Uncyclopedia shouldn't really be "Stories", but more like Wikipedia entries... Although some articles are in a story format, they have to be really funny, and there has to be a point to them being in a story format... - 04:23 11 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!
I’ve linked this to UnNews:Everybody in the Middle East takes the day off to smoke hash. You read it. We’ll see what comes later. I’ll think over how to make this more like a Wikipedia entry. Proxima Centauri 10:44, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
That isn't exactly what I mean, I mean writing your story in news entries, it would suit it a lot better I think. Not just adding links to various UnNews articles. - 11:48 12 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!


I see the point. I've made it into a historical Wiki article published after the event. The news idea could also work. I've got to go out now. I'll come back to you later.Proxima Centauri 11:35, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

I could put it into UnBooks as well. I could do both. I could do news articles and the articles could refer the reader to the book for further information.Proxima Centauri 16:16, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

edit The first line?

funny, dude. I like how it's an article by a planet Star!   Le Cejak <Apr 12, 2008 [17:19]>

edit I'm trying to be nice

Well I’ve tried to be nice to you and help you to improve Betamax (other stuff). Please be nice to me and stop threatening to huff, “Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila”. Proxima Centauri 18:12, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

If you don't keep threatening to huff “Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila” I’ll have more time to improve articles like Satteloids & Betamax (other stuff). Proxima Centauri 21:33, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

edit Rewriting the article, ugh!

Earlier Yes Time to Edit wrote:-

The thing is Uncyclopedia shouldn't really be "Stories", but more like Wikipedia entries... Although some articles are in a story format, they have to be really funny, and there has to be a point to them being in a story format... - 04:23 11 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

I’ve found another wiki where Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila can be happy and won’t be too different from the other stories. When I’ve got time I’m thinking of rewriting this to be like Betamax (other stuff). That seems to be an acceptable Uncyclopedia article. Proxima Centauri 11:47, 10 May 2008 (UTC)

edit Mercy

You're not going to do anything horrible to me for removing the ICU tag are you? I really think the article is good enough now. It does not need regular review.

It’s horrible now. I can’t edit because the database is locked during maintenance, (10.20 AM 16th May). Please don’t make it horrible for me like this all the time! (snivel)
I had to save it and uploaded it when I came back home. Proxima Centauri 16:58, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

edit Recent review

FAQ

edit Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila

I'm putting this up for a new user who hasn't quite caught on to the system yet. Help him out please. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN18:49, 25 Apr

I've rewritten the article. Please review it again. Proxima Centauri 15:20, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila
is being reviewed by
CajekHi!
Your Source for Fine Scented Pee
And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him
Humour: 5.2 avg of each section. Don't worry if I'm hard on your article, Proxima! You'll get the hang of article writing eventually.
  • Intro -6- The introduction is pretty short and random. For an article like this, which is basically a story you're telling us, you will need to give us a long intro to give us breathing room. Otherwise, we may just be like "oh this is too random, it hurts my eyes." NOTE: say that it's 4 light years from "that one Earth planet" or something instead of "the solar system".
  • 1 Earth -4- I didn't quite understand what you were saying here. It slips between being an article about Proxima to being about time machines all in two sentences. I would stick to just talking about how they feel about Earth, without mentioning anything else. In other words, stick close to your storyline without adding too many new elements. This section needs to be moved or deleted, mostly because this article has nothing to do with Earth per se.
  • 2 Mud -5- Well, here we are, talking about mud. I felt like this section is more about a set-up to a joke than a joke in itself. I hope the payoff is bigger down the road. Mostly, the problem here is that this is the first time you're talking about mud to us (except for the section on Earth, but that was a "dum" section anyway). I feel like this section should be part of the intro, because I still don't know why you're talking about mud. Is it because the planet is mud?
  • 3 Ways to address Centaurians without offending them -7- Well this is slightly better. Not exactly ha-ha funny, but very interesting. Why are you talking about humans in here? We don't know jack about homeless Centaurians! I would leave Earth out of the discussion completely. Don't bow to the sci-fi pressures that every alien has to invade Earth. Nobody cares about Earth or humans, this is Proxima Centauri! Be proud of your article!
  • 4 More on alien plans for Earth -4- Grooooan C'mon, I don't give a rat's ass about Earth. If I wanted to know about Earth, I'd write/read an article about it. This is Proxima Centauri, not... that other planet! If you're going to have a section on Earth invasion, you'd better parody the hell out of it. "Jealous of Earth's mud supply, the Centaurians are planning to invade sometime in the next four fiscal years. Sadly they have not, as yet, collected enough mud for the construction of their interstellar mud-based space-mud-ships."
Concept: 6 This article is written as though a person from Earth was investigating this planet for a blurb in The USA Today. I think you should go way more in-depth on the mud angle (but be sure not to be boring about it). Get rid of all references to Earth, if you would. We only need to talk about Earth when we say how far away Proxima is from it. The reason I'm not giving you a 7 has to do with the fact that this article is really too short. Is that all there is, mud? You need to expand on the good parts in this article, and rewrite the rest. I think you can see by my scores which need to be rewritten.
Prose and formatting: 6 Some grammar errors in there, mostly in the intro and in section 4.
Images: 5 You don't even have a picture of the planet: just two mud pits. Gimme some space!
Miscellaneous: 5.6 avg'd via {{Pee|5.2|6|6|5}}
Final Score: 27.8 Not an outstanding article, but that's the story on 90% of first articles. Don't be discouraged! Writing is a craft that has to be practiced, especially funny writing. This article's future is unclear, but maybe if you just sat and thought about how to add to it, or did some brainstorming on the talk page, it could flourish. Call me if you need help!
Reviewer:   Le Cejak <May 20, 2008 [15:55]>

edit Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila

Thanks for helping with Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila in the summer? What do you think of it now? How do I put it up for pee review again? I’m not sure about the procedure. Proxima Centauri 17:32, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Considering that it's a page called Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila, it doesn't have a lot on Proxima Centauri or the aliens of Porrila. There's more on how to address them than there is on them. I know that they like mud. Make me like mud too. After reading the page, I'm still ignorant on Proxima Centauri, as well. Other than those minor gripes (and the awful quote. Only use a starter quote if it's better than the average of the page. It should be gold. If it's not, it shouldn't be there), it's cute.
For a second Pee Review, put "Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila (2nd review)" in the box in Pee Review, and replace "[[{{#sub:{{SUBPAGENAME}}|0|{{#ifeq:{{#rpos:{{SUBPAGENAME}}|(}}|-1||{{#rpos:{{SUBPAGENAME}}|(}}}}}}]]" part on the actual page for the Pee Review with Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:54, 18 October 2008 (UTC)
Thanks. I'll work out what to do. Proxima Centauri 18:17, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

edit Review for the new era

Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila/review

  Le Cejak <21:57 Oct 19, 2008>

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