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Very good, remember links though. I added links and proofread for borky grammar, might VFH it - jack mort | cunt | talkKodamaIcon - 13:53, 22 June 2006 (UTC)

edit From Pee Review

Hello! Hows this? So far I did all of it on my own, except for the quote on the top (do you have a better quote for me to use? maybe I'll think one up.) and putting the construction thing on. I think it is good. It's still not done, though. REVIEW NOW! Please. And thank you. Or face my wrath! and a pineapple.

Nice idea. The quote? Um, "Wine dark sea, my arse. The boat flopped around like Judy Garland in a rubber dress and I threw up all the way from Lesbos to Circe's Isle." might be a little better. Other than that...

  • "Poseidon was hatched from a fish egg in 843 B.C. and was adopted by the Zeus family when he was four. It is suspected that his biological parents were eaten by larger fish, but this is unconfirmed."

In general, avoid passive verbs -- is, was, are. Poseidon hatched from a fish egg in 843 B.C., and the Zeus family adopted him when he was four. (Yeah, you still have one "was" left.) I personally dislike "It is suspected that" (and "It is said that" and "Some believe that") even though they turn up in myriad ardickles. I'd personalize it to something like Juno, his adoptive mother, claimed that a giant flounder ate his biological parents but this is unconfirmed.

  • I love the Neptones. The name took me toadally by surprise.

Rather a good idea, and well executed. If I were doing it I would now embark on a series of 34,789,445 edits to tighten the prose...although 33,563,012 of those edits would actually reverse previous edits...I call it Drooling Prose Disorder...But seriously, a solid idea and worth working on. ----OEJ 02:29, 20 June 2006 (UTC)

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