Talk:Ovum

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Humour: 8 Very funny article you have here. Now sit still while I pick it apart!

Intro

Very good intro, strange, unexpected, and a little bit sexist. You set the tone well with the "you are a..." jokes from the narrator and throw in a actual joke as well (seriously though, wrists?) Very nice set up to the rest of the article. Moving on.

Basic info

Keeping with the theme of the article you make more ridiculous statements. The comparison to werewolves is good, but I'm not so sure someone who loves something would compare it to a werewolf (wait..you aren't a twilight fan are you? gross) so maybe add in a short sentence after the comparison like "I mean the women, they're like werewolves, not the ovums." "Saving" the ovums is also a good way to go. I like it.

Sexy

This section is great. No complaints for me here. More science-y stuff combined with the sexual encounter. Great stuff.

Down and dirty

Again a great section. I like all the seemingly random stuff like the Mexican wrestler mask, although you seem to stop that science-y thing other than throwing in the word corona, which is fine, but I really like it. The last sentence "I would wake up and get pizza" isn't really all that funny. It might be good for a chuckle, but the sentence before it ends the section better, I think.

Other mammals

I like the second part of this section, but the first part...eh not so much. The whole joke of the first part is you can't have sex with animals. Well we here at Uncyc have devoted a large part of our man power to having sex with animals. I would suggest keeping the concept of hating animal ovulation, but changing the way that it's presented. Making him hate the fact that animal cycles are much more apparent than human cycles seems to be the way to go. Also, maybe he believes that animal ovum aren't worth saving because they're only going to get eaten. Just a few suggestions. The second part is great I really like the dialogue and the joke in the link.

Artificial

I really like this section and the parallels you draw between ovum and breasts that you started earlier. There isn't much I can say against it in this section, but I think that this isn't the best ending the article could have (discussed later.)

Overview

Very funny article, I look forward to seeing it on VFH fairly soon. Keep working on it and it'll definitely be feature-worthy.

Concept: 7.5 I really like this concept. It makes about as much sense as liking any other specific part of the female body (except my favorite: the legs, because come on how can you not?) and the way you pulled it off is really good as well. One thing is that you started off with a kind of pseudo-scientific feel to it, where the narrator says things about the ovum, but you lost a little of that later on in the article. Looking up a couple more factoids I think could help this article, even though it's good without them. The comparison to boobs at the end of the article is a good way to end, even though the article seems a little short right now and could do with a little more conclusion as we never find out what the overarching conclusion is that the narrator gives his friends, or their reactions. The tone of the article doesn't go overboard in making this guy seem like he has the 2nd weirdest fetish of all time (#1 of course being furries) while still having him rationalize his fetish to himself (and I learned that people do this on an episode of House.) Overall a good article that could use just a bit more fine-tuning.
Prose and formatting: 8 The format of this article is pretty much fine, headers and all. However, the actual text doesn't have enough line breaks. Often having a lot of line breaks looks awkward when you're writing the actual article, but not having enough of them can make your article look too short for your pictures (which seems to be the case) alternatively you could make the pictures smaller, but a combination is probably better in this case.

The prose is great and stays in the style of a..well any man from the age of 15 to 25 through the entire article. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, but another read through never hurts anyone. You could also use a few more links. You seem to have lost your love for links about half way through the article. I usually just throw in some random links when I haven't done one for a while and see if it sticks.

Images: 7 Your images are relevant, but seem to focus on sperm rather than the eggs themselves. Right now each image only contains at most 1/4 of an egg which makes it seem like you've only added part of the picture. The top picture is the main one I would keep, and the middle one is the one I would change. I believe there is a bigger picture of the middle picture you have that shows the entire creme egg, but I'm not 100% on that. Changing the bottom picture is up to you as it still fits pretty well, especially with the caption that you put on it. The captions for the first and second picture are ok, but could be improved upon. Writing multiple versions of captions for pics is usually what works for me. I usually suggest captions, but I can't think of any that would inspire you, especially if you decide to change any of the pics. The last thing I want to say about the pics is that right now they're a little too big for the size of the article. If you follow my suggestion from the formatting section then you're planning to make the article bigger too which might make up for the size of the pics, but I think the best way would be to add a few more line breaks while making the pictures a little smaller.
Miscellaneous: 7.5 Overall "feel" of the article.
Final Score: 38 Keep working at it. You have a good article here already, so make it great.
Reviewer: Jackofspades (talk)
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