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Revision as of 05:19, August 4, 2009 by Sequence (talk | contribs)

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edit A couple of suggestions

Okay so the second pee review for this article got a lot better respons than it did from the one I gave, which probably means that the style of humour just doesn't appeal to everyone. So rather than try and drastically change it here are some ideas that might be able to improve it.

1. The first picture isn't very clear where Orion is, and looks mostly like an empty sky. So I'd say maybe change it to a different picture of orion, of which there are plenty - - or change the caption to having it say something about how people living in cities can hardly see most stars. Something like 'Pictured here is Orion, obscured by the lights of the city'. I'd actually say that changing the caption would be best because a long joke in a picture doesn't work so well.

2. A reason for why they believe there are only 6 or 7 are in the sky. I can see the basis behind this joke but it isn't done fully. Something like 'Orion is one of only "6 or 7" in the sky today, while "the rest of them are just a bunch of stars in random places"'.

3. Knowledgeable, it's used 4 times already. Any more than 1 and I think it is starting to overdo it. So I would say just call them knowledgable once or otherwise it feels run into the ground. That is if you keep the word knowledgable at all, it does make the sarcasm pretty blunt like I said in the peer review.

4. You could try adding a part which explains how most people's recognition of Orion comes from Men in Black in which the galaxy on Orion (the name of the cat) is a major plot point. Hope that helps. Good luck with it. Sequence 05:19, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

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