Talk:Object Permanence

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Revision as of 02:44, December 6, 2007 by Cajek (talk | contribs)

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Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Object permanence39MordilloProse/Images: 710/16
Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Object permanence40.3Dr. FenwickImages: 6.910/16
Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Object permanence38.5Under userImages: 610/26
Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Object permanence39FinniusHumor: 6.512/5
avg = 39.2 // lowest = 6.6



Humour: 8 Good show. You lost me a bit at the ending, I think it could be revised to the moon actually being destroyed in the end, and maybe some other objects, the baby disappearing was good.
Concept: 9 Lovely.
Prose and formatting: 7 A bit messy. Some of the links don't really add much humor to the article. I'd remove the template at the top and maybe try to put some width between the Wikipedia template and the first image.
Images: 7 Not bad, but nothing too exciting. Try to get someone to chop you an image of a thumb obscuring the moon.
Miscellaneous: 8 I'd add some more categories.
Final Score: 39 Need some tweaking, but all in all a good piece.
Reviewer: ~Jewriken.GIF 11:18, 16 October 2007 (UTC)
Humour: 8.2 You're just good at the whole funny thing aren't ya?
Concept: 8.7 Old joke and concept given new lease on life.
Prose and formatting: 7.5 It feels a bit sloppy at times and that The Moon is in Peril should have several exclamation point like The Moon is in Peril!!!
Images: 6.9 Nothing groundbreakign but more than adequate.
Miscellaneous: 9 Yeah!
Final Score: 40.3 This is once agiana good article, maybe not as good as your pervious Red Light but still rather stellar.
Reviewer: --Dr. Fenwick 20:19, 16 October 2007 (UTC)

Rightyho Cajek ol' buddy, here goes with a review for you.

Humour: 8.5 Yup, no problems there, the funny is in here, and you don't have to hunt too hard for it.
Concept: 9 Again, well done - kind of an interesting spin on it.
Prose and formatting: 7 Possibly shading towards a 6 here. Looking around at a bunch of your articles, they all look a little ... in need of polish formatting-wise. I mean, someone put the Cancer thing up on VFD as far as I can tell just because they thought it was ugly. Experiment with different size headings, maybe using longer sections (with plenty of line breaks for readability) and fewer headers. Try to make it look a little more encyclopedic. I often find a trawl through previous highlights helps, or take a look at articles by people you know format things well - Spang generally knows what he's doing, for example - and shamelessly steal any ideas of theirs that you like. You should have no problem with that, judging by your shameless review whoring in BHOP!
Images: 6 Well, they're pretty basic, but they have a relevance. From a layout point of view, I normally prefer images in boxes, but that could be just me. See what you think. I think a chop of a thumb over the moon would help - maybe even a 3 stager with the moon, a thumb covering it, then either the moon again, or a cloud covering it, or blank sky, whichever you think would be funnier - possibly try RadicalX's corner, or as that seems quite slow these days, I'll try and rustle something up over the weekend if you like - just let me know.
Miscellaneous: 8 The Thlyacine is extinct in Tasmania.
Final Score: 38.5 Pretty strong. Fix up the formatting and images, and maybe consider the other points below and I'd say you have a decent shot at another highlight.
Reviewer: --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 11:26, 26 October 2007 (UTC)


I think it could benefit from some slight expansion still. I think the "switch" between explaining the concept and not believing it happens too fast. I'd have some more nervous dialog(ue - English, can't help it) and a more gradual descent from lofty intellectual superiority to paranoid disbelief. In the "Well, I mean, it just makes sense" section, is he talking about the moon or the baby? Having a clear-cut progression rather than what feels to me like quite a sudden snap may help a bit.

You may want to consider having a cloud cover the moon while it's behind his thumb, which leads to your protagonist doubting the concept? Again, I don't know if this would make the slide more or less believable, but have a try and see how you feel about it.

These are just suggestions - I like the article as it is, it made me laugh. However, I think if you polish up the presentation, and possibly tweak the flow in the midsection a bit, you would have a much stronger shot at VFH.

Hope this helps! And now my usual disclaimer: this is only my opinion, others are available. Good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 11:26, 26 October 2007 (UTC)

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