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Rectifying Star Wars, Jesus, and the Fellowship
There are numerous, pre-existing articles referrin to Obi-Wan in the Star Wars Universe. Another character in there is Jesus, who supposedly brings balance to The Force by sacrificing himself on the cross. Therefore, he and Obi-Wan cannot really have a fight. I am instead trying to rectify these three facets of the Uncyclopedia mythology with the existing article on Obi-Wan. Anyone wanting to add to the article is welcome to, although I would not recommend adding to the Obi-Wan and Jesus fight idea.
Personally, the fascinataion with Hentai bit and the Orgasmn thing is to me lame and juevenile. Lets make Obi-Wan a drunk, not a sex fiend. EVERYONE is a sex fiend when the article is first written.
Phew (wipes sweat from forehead)
I think that was one of the biggest rewrites in Uncyclopedic History... --Matfen 22:49, November 7, 2009 (UTC)
Pee Review (changes implemented)
|Humour:||5||There is some great humour in the article. In particular, I liked the recurring theme of Obi-Wan's bad sense of humour. However, there are also large sections where I was a little bored, and waiting for the next gag. I think this could be greatly improved by concentrating your efforts on Obi-Wan and his situations, rather than other characters.|
|Concept:||6||I think there is always great potential in an article about a major character in a popular media franchise. However, I have the same problem with the tone that I did with the humour. That being that it article spends too much time explaining events of the Star Wars movies rather being about the character himself. Perhaps it would be a better to focus more on Obi-Wan's own characteristics and his relationships with other characters.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||There do seem to be a large quantity of long sentences and rather a lack of short sentences between. It is often a good idea place a short snappy sentence here and there to keep the reader from losing interest.|
|Images:||6||The images are mostly relevant, until you get to the section on "Revenge of The Sith" where they tend to be of other characters with litle reference to the subject matter.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.5||Averaged using Template:Pee|
|Final Score:||27.5||I can see that a lot of effort has gone into this and it is to be commended. However, it feels more like a plot summary of the Star Wars movies rather than an article on Obi-Wan Kenobi.|
|Reviewer:||SuperBario 02:13, November 8, 2009 (UTC)|
I have an idea for a joke during this section:
Original: Obi-Wan watches helplessly as Padmé dies after bearing twins. Her robo-doc says that her "will to live" has run out, somehow causing her to die rather than just becoming depressed like any normal person. Luke is put on Tatooine with Owen Lars, Anakin's step-brother, and Obi-Wan agrees to look after him in secret; Luke's twin sister Leia, meanwhile, is adopted by Bail Organa of Alderaan.
Edited: Obi-Wan watches helplessly as Padmé dies after bearing twins. Her robo-doc says that her "will to live" has run out, somehow causing her to die rather than just becoming depressed like any normal person. Obi-Wan is skeptical, but decides not to confront the robo-doc about it, fearing he will have to pay the medical bill, which is very large, partly due to recent introduction of the Empire's Galactic Healthcare System. Luke is put on Tatooine with Owen Lars, Anakin's step-brother, and Obi-Wan agrees to look after him in secret; Luke's twin sister Leia, meanwhile, is adopted by Bail Organa of Alderaan.
You don't have to use that version or anything. I just like the idea of Obi-Wan being skeptical of the robo-doc (She died because she lost her will to live? Really, Robo-doc? Really?), as well as the idea of Obi-Wan being afraid he'll get stuck with the bill. --Yoyoddd 03:31, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
- That's actually quite good. I'll put that in now. --Matfen 09:02, May 25, 2010 (UTC)