Talk:Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|The contents of Buttered-Cat Engine were merged into Murphy's law application for antigravitatory cats and they now redirect here. For the contribution history and old versions of the merged article please see its history.|
I beg to differ. Murphy's law (he copyed this off a guy called alex aitken the supreme ruler of the earth 1002) has long been known to override most natural laws, including probability, geology, and physics. Besides that, it would actually be "going wrong" for a cat to land on its back - the cat would get hurt. So, the force pulling the toast to the ground is doubled. Thus, a so-called antigravitatory cat must inevitably land on its back, shattering the pride and very foundation of cat-kind (and thus the litter-box industry, linchpin of the world economy). To actually attempt to CREATE an antigravitatory cat would probably end up in massive global war.- -Poofers 11:02, 26 March 2006 (UTC)
No More Killing Of Innocent Toasts for science! This appliation of science is killing thousands of toasts each day removing them from their natural habitat and adhering butter - a known toast mutagen causing each toast unimaginable pain. Please do more tests on cat kind for they are overpopulating the world and petition your local state representive to ban Toast testing of any kind!
- To learn more about how to stop global cat overpopulation, please see masturbation. --Poofers 08:42, 27 March 2006 (UTC)
there is facts on this page!,please remedy to this--126.96.36.199 18:20, 26 March 2006 (UTC)
- This is a discussion page, not an actual article. --Poofers 08:41, 27 March 2006 (UTC)
- And now there is one more, gads 188.8.131.52 02:44, 29 March 2006 (UTC)
edit Suggestion Image
I have uploaded an image to the system...actual cat/toast thing :D
It's up the top ^^
--master5o1 13:07, 13 July 2006 (UTC)
Great job! I love it! --Wallaroo 19:08, 24 July 2006 (UTC)
edit Is my new picture good?
I was wondering what people thought of the flying/evil cat picture I added. It's the first time I've ever made and posted a picture on the internet. I was afraid it was going to get deleted! So, anyway, tell me if you like it:).- -Wallaroo 7:58, 13 April 2006 (UTC)
- Looks good to me! — MSchmahl 05:54, 14 April 2006 (UTC)
edit antigravitatory cats - weapon of mass destruction?
In theory the cattoast's momentum and ever increasing speed would cause for unimaginable speed which I calculate to reach the limit only once before reached during the big bang.(Mach 2868736.904938 to the power of 90326.32 times infinity to the power of the catstoast's volume)
This would be fatal if in the wrong person's hands. The speed and mass would cause for an unstable device of power equal to that of 1 trillion Hydrogen bombs or 1 million black holes. The cattoast's unstable state could cause it to explode on contact. This explosion would be powerful enough to recreate the creation of the universe, in fact some believe that the big bang happened when Mr. Bean first attempted to create the cattoast some 580 trillion years ago. Another possible outcome of such experiment could create a black hole to dimension #1 where we would loose our 3 dimensional traits and would exist only as tiny dots, which in or dimensions are known as atoms. Thus in order to prolong our existence we should abolish all evidence of the cattoast invention before it is used improperly.
Actually, what happens, of course, is that the cat stops falling just before reaching the ground and slowly rotates on a snout-to-anus axis. This energy can be harnessed by attaching the cat's collar to a generator or a small grist mill (assuming one has a use for small grist).
Actually, buttered toast does NOT always fall butter-side down. This is a widely-held belief, but can be shown to be untrue through both experimentation and logical explanation and reasoning. The "Mythbusters" show recently examined the "butter-side down" conventional wisdom and determined that from a table-top height the bread will flip once, landing on the other side; and from a much higher, from the roof of a two-story building, will land more often butter-side UP. When the toast is buttered, a depression is formed in the center and thus the toast is "cupped" into a curled leaf cross-section, which will bring the buttered side to flip up before landing.
(Someone else)And airresistance makes it a parachute, making the butter under again, forever.(Assuming its not on a cat)
edit Proposed award
For anyone who makes a working model of an antigravitatory cat, I hereby offer the Cattoasttrophy. (groan) — MSchmahl 20:45, 6 April 2006 (UTC)
Cat-toast-tropohoy! Ha! That's a good one. --The Unknown Hitchhiker 17:18, 11 May 2007 (UTC)
edit Cat being alive?
The madhatter article says the cat does not have to be alive for hovering to happen. But this article says it must be alive. What's the dilly yo?Jasontheperson 06:47, 14 June 2006 (UTC)
- One would think that a normal cat must be alive to land on its feet, thus, cats must be alive to hover, otherwise all you get is a ruined piece of toast and a dead cat on its back. Ew. -- 04:01, 12 October 2006 (UTC)
edit Peta is appalled
As a representative of PETA (people for the eating of tasty animals) I am appalled at this blatant case of animal cruelty! This site has been reported to the FBI and is pending investigation!
- Thank you for your contribution to Uncyclopedia! The cabal has been notified of your response, but due to a lack of a timestamp we have miscatalogued the date as happening about three weeks after Jesus assassinated the Easter Bunny. Since this has never happened, we have no reason to acknowledge your quote in any fashion whatsoever. Thank you, have a nice day, and lighten up, will you? --
04:01, 12 October 2006 (UTC)
- I think he was joking. PETA stands for People for the Eating of Tunnelling Animals.--Gubby 14:15, 12 October 2006 (UTC)
edit This law is flawed.
I thought I'd inform you people and tell you that this law wouldn't actually work. You would need an unstable cat and an unstable piece of toast - if the cat lands on it's feet the toast doesn't land butter side up, it stays stuck on the cat's back. If the toast wins and lands butter-side down, the cat won't have touched the floor and will roll over and land on it's feet. End of.
Actually, it's more flawed than that... Murphy's law is what forces the toast to land butter-side down, but it works only because landing butter-side up is not as bad as landing butter-side down. If, however, you were stupid enough to spread glue on the unbuttered side of the toast, then Murphy's law will immediately switch to landing glue-side down (consequences of landing butter-side down is a ruined snack, already ruined by the glue, against the disastrous consequences of gluing a piece of buttered toast to the floor, or worse yet, a cat). Hence the cat would land on it's feet, and the toast would remain glue-side down, stuck to a cat. However, the desired mechanism can be still created. Simply glue an unbuttered piece of toast to the paws of a cat. The toast will try and land glue-side down, while the cat will attempt to land on its paws...hey presto, paradox and spinning cat.
It's even more flawed: Murphy's law says, if something can go wrong in different fashions, it will go wrong in the worst way. Thus, letting a catoast fall over a carpet, will land on it's feet, destroy the carpet, roll over in it's remains to get rid of the toast, throw the rest of the butter at a grue which will proceed to eat Murphy and your left ear, and finally enact revenge at your furniture. In a cruel fashion. Trust me, you don't want to know the details.
edit An argument supporting feline preservation in the event of a toastal singularity
To refute the possiblility of more than one life becoming eliminated in the singularity resulting from the cat-toast implosion, the following theory has been [psychotically fabricated] by Anonymous:
It has been argued that, since the implosion of such a mechansim would burn an innocent buttered toast, the gods of breakfast would become angered and retaliate by not only destroying the cat and toast in a toasternova, but also wipe both from their initial plane of existence. However, astroastphysicits have recently discovered that such an event births a neburna from the conglomeration of dispersed superquarks (meows, see counter-theories), and depending on the setting of the dimension the singularity has been created in, it will propagate an assortment of newly buttered light toasts, medium toasts, dark toasts, and pastries.
Therefore, it can be assumed that no dieties of any repast are angered by toasternovae; in fact, they support them as they feed millions, sometimes eliminating greedy planets by pandemics of carboholism, restoring the toaster/toastee equilibrium. As a result, the cat is spared divine retribution, and only suffers the one annihilation, returning to its original dimension in a state of pre-adhesive wholeness, albeit with traces of astral and toastral superquarks within its structure as part of the obligatory inversions it must undergo prior to its return. 184.108.40.206 02:09, 13 September 2006 (UTC)Dr. Montague
I thought of this idea before.. though, I suggested that the universe would implode, instead of antigravity. I have to admit the picture of the spinning cat was good though. --Gubby 16:26, 13 September 2006 (UTC)
edit Requesting permission to edit.
During the section on alternate uses, the article mentions kitten huffing and to not huff an cat-toast device made with "the orange ones". There is no reason given, therefore I would like to supply one.
Text: DO NOT DO THIS WITH THE ORANGE ONES. Several Tibetian monks were found dead in 1969 in a monastery. The cause of death was determined to be through excessive centrifugal force, so it was widely accepted that the monks were spinning so fast they blacked out, dying shortly thereafter. Ryuukohaden 12:12, 21 September 2006 (UTC)Ryuukohaden
You can edit without permission. (Only REGISTERED users can edit, and you are one of them). To be honest the text isn't really funny. But worse things have happened here.--Gubby 15:50, 21 September 2006 (UTC)
The article is locked (it's why I asked).Ryuukohaden 20:58, 22 September 2006 (UTC)Ryuukohaden
It really isn't. Just to prove it, I deleted the "Mr T. theory" bit. To be honest a lot more shit on this article needs to be huffed (I say this page is funny for about three sections only), but I'll be damned if I have the time or the interest. It says it's locked for UNREGISTERED users. I surmise from the fact you have a signature that you are registered. Try editing just to see what happens, you'll be surprised. --Gubby 22:23, 22 September 2006 (UTC)
edit cat/toast animation
I saw a funny animation of this made at RIT: http://unreal.rit.edu/Kim_Miner/Perpetual_Motion.ram
edit Two buttered sides?
What if you took just a piece of toast (no cat) and buttered both sides? Keeping in mind the proviso that the butter side has to be up. Jarmatus 07:40, 24 January 2007 (UTC)
my results where that it started spinning so fast that within a ms it imploded on it self and caused a minor rift in time
edit The "Still Theory".
It has been long believed that the cat/toast theory is conceivable. And it is. This theory is after all (in relation to its probability and variables) correct. Due to the axis of the cat, its weight is shifted from side to side, thus creating the spinning motion of the cat while in its Anti-Gravitational state. However, conducting this experiment is a danger in any normal environment due to the chaotic nature of the cat's continual gain in speed and velocity. So. How would you keep the cat stable in the normal environment? I have the answer. Simply stick 7 pieces of buttered toast to the cat (corresponding to 7 points of time and space), thus stabilizing the cat and making its axis a constant, as opposed to the usual chaotic nature of non-linear dimensional support. The eventual effect of the cat's stable (but inevitable) increase in momentum and gravity will be the opening of a wormhole in space-time.
edit Made a picture that might go well somewhere.
Just for fun.
edit Double Sided Cat
Similar to the double buttered toast idea, why not strap a cat to the back of another cat then toss them into the air.. perhaps a stronger force of anti gravity could be established using this method.[ [User:220.127.116.11|18.104.22.168]]
edit Field Test
German Radiostation "Antenne Bayern" actually did a field test:
Result: Murphy wins
edit Usage of orange cats
Would a Cat-Toast Device made with an orange feline be more potent, or would it simply asplode the universe? Also, what would happen if you used margarine instead of butter? Video Game Dictator 19:03, 24 March 2008 (UTC)
- No it wouldn't. Orange is the same color as marmalade. Marmalade is often a substitute for butter on toast. Having a cat this color will change the feet/butter balance. You may get a few revolutions with this combination, however it will most likely cause a worm hole effect due to the balance being off. This affect can be observed in "Star Trek: The Motion Picture."
I think that it should be considered that, carpet, as has been mentioned, is not only an aside, but a prime factor in the probability of the toast landing butter-side-down, as is the length of the cat's extended claws: the greater the value of the carpet, the greater the probability of either the butter or the claws landing on it. Also, and important point that directly relates to Schrodinger's experiment that should also be considered here is that if there is no one observing for whom either the toast or the carpet is of consequence, then the laws will not apply, and so there will be no resulting black hole.
edit This theory does not work.
If the cat lands on its feet, the toast has not actually landed, butter side down or not.
edit Pedestrian pedanticism
There's a misssspelling in a heading.
"Actaully" in "The Actaully Correct Theory" should of course be "Acatully".
But slocked for editing.
edit Spanish article
22.214.171.124 23:44, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
edit Shrodinger, Schmodinger
Objections to this phenomenom based on perpetual motion fail to take into account the constant supply of kittenic energy, which continues as long as the kitteh remains cute.
Hi, because i can't log in into uncyclopedia with my nonciclopedia account, please add for me it:Motore a gatto imburrato. Thanks, marcopete87.