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Please list here and tell me any improvements that you think I might be able to make to help improve the quality of this article. Thanks, -Razorflame 18:39, 7 November 2007 (UTC)
- Well, perhaps a more formal, wikipedia-esque tone would do it well. The informal comments work well at some points in the article, but at others they don't work particularly well. Also, fixing up the grammar would make it easier to read, and therefore funnier. If you want, I can edit this tomorrow (as tonight I'm far too lazy). Just let me know in me talk page if you'd like me to. --THE 23:18, 7 November 2007 (UTC)
edit Episode Help
Anyone who has an episode that they would like to parody for this article is welcome to add it to the bottom of the list, making sure to keep the table moving properly. Please only add one at a time..also, if you would rather post it here, I could edit the main article instead. -Razorflame (contributions) Talk 19:39, 8 November 2007 (UTC)
edit Pee Review
|Humour:||5||Right, that's an "average" to start with. This feels like a WiP, so no surprises there. There are some decent lines, I quite like the "typical episode" summary in particular. However, it does feel short of ideas in places - the episode list at the end in particular. Either lose that, or re-work it considerably.|
|Concept:||6.5||well anyone who's ever seen Most Haunted knows it's a good enough target, but you need to mine as much as you can from it, and I'm certain more can be done with it than this|
|Prose and formatting:||7||No spelling mistakes a quick glance could pick up, grammar's not bad. Needs a bit of work for readability and flow, but that's best to do when you're happy with the content of the article - Terry Pratchett calls it "sanding and polishing".|
|Images:||5||One image, not too bad, but nothing hugely relevant to the show. A shot of the show itself, replete with green night vision and Acorah or at least Yvette Fielding would help a bit - properly captioned.|
|Miscellaneous:||5.875||Average of the other scores again.|
|Final Score:||29.375||There's promise here, and you have a subject that lends itself nicely to parody. But you need to spend a bit more time fleshing your ideas out, and re-working bits. Futher comments below.|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 23:28, 9 November 2007 (UTC)|
OK, first step: read HTBFANJS. Again! This is not a slight, or a suggestion you've not read it - some of the best authors on here read it every time they write something new, and it does help!
Next: be ruthless, trim the bits that aren't really working. The list at the end, in its present state, adds nothing. You probably suspect some bits aren't quite so hot - trim them, try again.
Then expand the bits that do work. For me, that's the episode synopsis - although there's a chance that the brevity may work in its favour, I reckon a good sized section with an overview of the typical episode will give you plenty of scope to enjoy yourself with the absurdity of the topic. Spend time on Yvette's clumsy attempts to build tension, discuss the requirement for green night-vision cam at all times, allow yourself more room to explore Derek's communion with the local spirits.
Or take the concept and put a spin on it. How about discussing failed attempts, like trying to make America's Most Haunted at The Overlook Hotel from The Shining, or Amityville, and failing to find anything? Discussing Derek Acorah's ludicrous ramblings in depth should be fun as well. Is he making it up? Is it real but at the wrong time? Is it completely geniune? The article on Acorah doesn't do the job that well, so you have plenty of room to have a run at him.
Basically, this feels promising, but there's plenty of work to do. Roll those sleeves up and get stuck in! If you want further suggestions, you know where my talk page is. Hope this helps...
edit New Inclusions
edit Pee Review 2
edit Most Haunted Pee Review 2
- You have to get rid of the previous review, first. Move UU's review to the talk page of Haunted. • <-> 22:59, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||7.5||It's much better now. My main suggestion would be a rework of the episode list section. First of all, it might be better to rename it "Descriptions of several episodes"; that way you won't have to worry about writing a description for every single episode and you'll be able to focus in more on key ones. Some of the episode descriptions are pretty funny, but episodes 5 and 6 are pretty weak, and the "Failed Attempts" section is much funnier. I think this is because the "Failed Attempts" section focuses more on the individual mishaps of the crew rather than the sexual experiences with the ghosts; perhaps if you put more of an emphasis on the embarassing accidents of the crew in the episode descriptions they would be a bit more effective.|
|Concept:||8||I haven't seen this show, but I enjoyed the article anyway.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||No typos that I noticed.|
|Images:||7||Good pics. The one of the ghost with a cell phone was a bit cartoony, but it's forgivable.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||The captions of some of the pictures were really quite funny, and I think had some great potential to be more than just captions. Remember when I suggested reworking the episode summaries? I think it would work well if you encorporated some of the ideas from your pictures into the episode summaries. For example, the ghost with the phone. You could say that, in one episode, they went into a building and ghosts were calling them, tapping them on the shoulders, and screaming in their ears the entire time they were in the building, but none of them noticed, and they concluding that the building wasn't haunted. There's some potential for the "breaking and entering" thing too--I think that idea warrants an episode summary.|
|Final Score:||35.5||Good job! Your edits to the article made quite a noticable improvement. Keep it up!|
|Reviewer:||--THE 23:47, 11 November 2007 (UTC)|