Talk:Manumission

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Pee Review saved for posterity's sake. And mine. I'll incorporate these improvements sometime.

edit Manumission

Article number two. For a while, I didn't think this article was going so well, but now, I feel better about it.Sir Groovester | Contributions | Talk Page 00:31, 18 September 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 7 The humor was, for me, not rib-cracking but rather subtle.
Concept: 8 Really good idea.
Prose and formatting: 8 Very well-written...see endnotes.
Images: 7 Appropriate images...we gotta get something with green gas in it, though.
Miscellaneous: 8 I like this piece and wish it success.
Final Score: 38
Reviewer: ----OEJ 00:46, 15 October 2007 (UTC)


Endnotes: Mostly very well written. I have a few very minor quibbles -- "The first and increasingly more popular solution..." might lose the "more", which seems redundant. The degree "Phd" is really PhD (go figure).

On humor: I might be inclined to add a few angles here and there. For instance, Dr. Oddaffection of Chicago might propose exporting everyone except the residents of Chicago (the standard "everyone-else-needs-to-sacrifice" ploy). I might somehow bring in the importation of navy beans to Britain -- common beans (as opposed to chickpeas and fava beans) were introduced from the Americas sometime in the 1400s. That probably increased manumission somehow. Also, the Arabs traditionally view farting in public as a great social embarrassment...

(There is a story...Once a young man named Abdul ibn Wazzu blew a flappy stinker while dishing out a kettle of koumis to the elders of the tribe. In shame the young man left his village and traveled to India, where he made a life among Hindu heathens. Fifty years later, sick and elderly, he longed to return to his native land. At the border the crossing-guard asked his home village and his tribe. When the old man told him the guard exclaimed, "Ah yes! By the Prophet's beard (PBUH), that is where one Abdul ibn Wazzu passed gas in the presence of the elders! Haha!" And Abdul turned his face from his homeland and went away to die amongst the unbelievers, knowing that his shame was still remembered.)

Anyway.

One other thing I might try...I understood very quickly that manumission is really farts. Most other (nearly all?) reader will understand that too. You might could find a way to slyly work around the term in such a way that the reader knows you are awkwardly skirting the plain blunt Anglo-Saxon term. I dunno. Maybe not.

This is a nice piece, and a good concept. ----OEJ 00:46, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

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