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edit If you like this article try this template
Wow, so i made this template, and then i saw this article, and then i took a shit and then i added the template here in case you use a mac and feel that you want to display the fact on thine user page.
This user is proud to use a Mac
That needs like.. sarcastifying.. unless you want to paste it all over the IBM homepage
edit Dieser Artikel riecht wie alte Torte
As a pompous, artsy-fartsy, and snobbish user of Macintosh computers, I feel that this article is outside the spirit of Uncyclopedia. It contains too many facts, and serves no purpose other than the venting of the authors' pissant attitude. The article on Macintosh is funny because it reveals the conceit of macintosh users.
- The Good: "Users of the Macintosh computer think that they are better than other computer users. They worship Apple Computer, and Steve Jobs as their God, which they call a holy trinity, which many realise is clearly inappropriate for a collection of two things." The article shows a glimmer of hope, but...
- The Bad: "The thing that is not mentioned (on previous edits) is how infact apple crapentosh really is, lets list a few reasons why they sux" This is just plain bad. An article should not refer to its own previous edits. Plus, properly speling and grammar (hint: sarcasm) tend to make angry rants much funnier.
- The Ugly: "(AND YES I HAVE USED APPLE!)" Damn. Goddamn it all. Uncyclopedia (as I hope the admins agree) is a parody/satire/general humour unwiki, not some pathetic, dribbling blog where prickish adolescents justify their rants by putting little preemptive notes in parentheses.
In keeping with my obnoxiously self-conscious behaviour, I have decided to put Mac User up for review. I found this article when it was barely more than an angry, pathetic rant that wasn't funny and generally sucked. When I say "not funny" I truly mean it; if I meant "unfunny" I would have said "unfunny." That's how lame this article was before I changed it into the long, annoying, tiresome attempt at humour it is now. Go on now, don't be shy, review it! I won't get mad! Unless you insult Macintosh of course... grr... --Cainad | Speak with The Eye 07:41, 27 August 2006 (UTC)
I would tighten a few screws. This is a relatively long article and it needs snap!
A PC user's view of a Mac user is most often defined as a user of computers who is a complete pansy when it comes to reading manuals and is unable to understand the way computers work, and as such relies on Apple Computer's user-friendly GUI, or Grafikal User Interface. A Mac user's view of a Mac user is pretty much the same, except they don't really know what a GUI is.
Perhaps something like...
Intel PC owners think Mac users are pansies who can't read a manual, don't understand computers, and use Apple's friendly GUI (Grafikal User Inderfase) as a crutch. Mac users tend to agree, except that they don't really know what a GUI is.
Shorter, tighter, harder. (No, I do not have sex on the brain.) I might bounce the narrative ball off another wall of the court just to spread the pain:
Oddly enough, owners of Linux machines think Windows users can't read, do not compute, and use Windows' friendly CUI (Corporate User Interscrew) as a crutch.
Well, maybe not.
Now, there are some good jokes here but they need rhythm and pacing.
Setup: Mac users worship two things: Steve Jobs and Apple Computers Inc. These they refer to as the Holy Trinity of "real computers." Mostly holy trinities have three things...but not the Mac trinity. Mac users apparently don't know the differnce between two and three.
Punchline: If they did they'd be smart enough for a PC.
That's not a very good example. Sorry. But despite my lame execution, the idea is to structure this kind of piece as a written version of a standup comedian's patter.
Setup: Mac users suffer from a sort of retroactive superiority complex: they claim that, historically, MS-DOS, Linus, Windows, BeOS, and all other operating systems were either based on Mac's OS X or else are imitations of it. However, it was not the kernal, the file system, or the architecture of OS X that these other operating systems copied.
Punchline: It was just the pretty pictures.
Again, I'm afraid I did not do that as well as I might. It takes work. Rewriting and polishing, that kind of sh*t. And as usual, this advice from me is nothing original. Here's a bit from Bill Bryson's book I'm A Stranger Here Myself:
Setup: I have a friend in Britain, an academic, who was recently approached by the lawyers for an American company to be an expert witness in a case they were handling. They told him they wanted to fly the lead attorney and two assistants to London to meet him. "Wouldn't it be simpler and cheaper if I flew to New York instead?" my friend asked. "Yes," he was told without hesitation, "but this way we can bill the client for the cost of three trips."
Punchline: And there you have the American legal mind at work.
Bryson even put the punchline in its own little one-sentence paragraph. Anyway. This is a sad answer to "how can we make the article better" because it involves much fiddly work with the piece. Feel free to disregard any and all advice, especially from me. ----OEJ 01:37, 25 September 2006 (UTC)
- I made you're picture more OSX, hope you like it. -- 00:29, 26 September 2006 (UTC)
edit This article needs a partner.
- Thank you for your suggestion! When you feel an article needs fixin', please feel obligated to make whatever changes you feel are needed, (even though they'll probably be reverted 5 seconds later). Uncyclopedia is a wiki, so almost anyone can edit almost any article by almost simply following the edit link almost at the top. You don't even need to log in in most cases! (Although there are some reasons why you might like to...) The Uncyclopedia Cabal encourages you to be italic. Don't worry too much about making honest mistakes—they're likely to be found and corrected quickly, and your 6 month ban will fly by faster than you think. If you're not sure how editing works, check out proper wiki formatting, or use the sandbox to try out your vandalizing skills. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:45, 4 January 2009 (UTC)
- Basically, what I was trying to say was that rather than taking this idea to the talk page and expecting someone else to write the article for you, why don't you just do it? Remember, Be italic! —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:45, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
edit Too Many Facts
This article sounds stale. When I find the time, I'll see what I can do with this little guy. He can grow up not living in cardboard box in a dark alley somewhere; I know he can. Clever Handle 23:16, November 17, 2009 (UTC)