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This is the talk page for discussing improvements to the MacBook article.
edit From Pee Review
This is my first article on Uncyclopedia, written over the course of two days. I'd like a little constructive criticism on it. (I'm aware that that last sentence was redundant, considering I've already posted this on Pee Review.) Thank you very much in advance! -- #1_ALF_FAN 22:37, 1 February 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||It's pretty goofy, but at the same time hilarious.|
|Concept:||8||The concept is a little shakey, but you pulled it off well.|
|Prose and formatting:||9||Article is well put together. It's easy to read, and, for the most part, looks professional.|
|Images:||7||The video professor image nearly made me wet myself! I like the witches as well, but I didn't understand the 'MacTuff' image. You could have some more images near the end of the article as well.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||Article contains well thought out plot and in depth humor.|
|Final Score:||39||Overall, this article is a good one. I was skeptical at first as to how you would pull off an article about the MacBook. You pulled it off, and in phenominal fashion. A little fine tuning with the humor and images, and you'll be on your way to VFH!|
|Reviewer:||--Blahshoe 04:39, 2 February 2007 (UTC)|
Thanks for your comments; I've added in two more images near the end, as per your advice. One pertains to MacPong; the other is the famous "King Hereafter Edition" MacBook. I've also added a small explanation for the MacTuff image in the adjacent paragraph. (Incidentally, have you ever read/watched Macbeth? I was trying to reference the line the First Apparition says to Macbeth: "Beware Macduff.")
However, I'm completely stuck as to what I can do with the humour. Do you have any ideas, or could you at least tell me what specific areas I should work on?
Thank you very much! -- #1_ALF_FAN 22:04, 2 February 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||Hey, I laughed.|
|Concept:||9||High concept, merges two things very smoothly.|
|Prose and formatting:||10||Marvellously encyclopedic.|
|Images:||7||LOL at the MacPong "go do some work" screen.|
|Final Score:||41||The only sticking point I can see for VFH is that it's too geeky and high-concept. I dunno. Poo jokes, dick jokes and pratfalls? Only if they can be fitted in absolutely smoothly - if not, then bugger VFH.|
|Reviewer:||- David Gerard 11:29, 6 February 2007 (UTC)|
Hey, thanks for the second review! Looks like there's not much more I can do, then. And, as far as VFH goes, even if the topic might be a little too geeky, I'd still like to give it a try -- I just don't want to nominate it myself and look self-centred. But, with some help, the geeks can take VFH! Let us march! It shall be our destiny!