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edit From Pee Review
(Put article name in heading-link, don't thank me, send cash...----OEJ 01:13, 21 February 2007 (UTC))
|Humour:||4||Hm, the funniness of this one tended to pass me by. I think it waved, but I didn't recognize it.|
|Concept:||7||It was hard for me, as a whitebread American, to catch this concept -- it needs some background. (Readers might try here and consider that "La Sape" is reputedly derived from "La Société des Ambienceus et ces Personnes D'Élégance.") See endnotes.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||The prose could use some work; it is sometimes clunky and the meaning can be obscure. See endnotes.|
|Images:||4||I wish the images were better, and that they were more integrated with the article.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||I reacted favorably to this mostly because it is actually interesting.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 01:50, 21 February 2007 (UTC)|
On concept: People who aren't familiar with the African scene may find this article puzzling. The author could partially remedy this by clarifying exactly what "La Sape" is from the start. The difficulty is of course to do this humorously and with a light touch.
I like the concept partly because it is not just another bit of American television or computer game culture -- there are so many articles based on games and TV cartoons that one does not wish to read any more of them. "La Sape" is actually a real article on something outside meme-land.
On prose: There are some unhappy turns of phrase in the piece. I'm not sure if they crept in because the author does not use English as a cradle-language or if he was just a bit careless.
- "Although most blues and jazz music is for lesbians the fact that now days in Paris, Brussels, London and the Congo all SAP members have no money, 16 children but still manage to dress chic Al Capone."
English idiom would more probably be "the fact is that nowadays in Paris" and "still manage to dress as chicly as Al Capone." Or better, since "chicly" is a crap word, "as fashionably as Al Capone"...although Al Capone is considered very stodgy in the West. One might instead reference David Bowie, Jay-Z, Kanye West, or Leonardo Dicaprio.
At any rate, a careful set of revisions to comb out the syntactic tangles would help the article immensely.
----OEJ 01:50, 21 February 2007 (UTC)