Talk:Jimmy the Cowboy
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edit From Pee Review
|Humour:||6||This starts well - I like the "sepia tone photo of a log cabin" and the rootin' and tootin' gag fr'instance, but the joke density tales off as the article continues and becomes more scattergun - was that the coffee wearing off or something else kicking in? See comments below.|
|Concept:||7||Well, a biography of a fictional person is hard to pull off unless that person defines an archetype or has a fictional impact on real events. This article tries to be both and doesn't quite succeed in being either, but the potential is there. With some more substance in the latter paragraphs this could flesh out nicely.|
|Prose and formatting:||9||Couple of minor inconsistencies, which I've fixed up.|
|Images:||5||Images are just ok - but I think if you want to suggest that Cowboy Jimmy was a real person then a properly chopped Wyatt Earp would serve the article better and I'd find something other that Reagan for the second.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||Starts out well, so think this has potential|
|Final Score:||33||Generally I like this article - certainly much better than a lot of the stuff here, just needs more work to make it shine|
|Reviewer:||--Asahatter (annoy) 07:15, 8 May 2007 (UTC)|
There is quite a bit of variation in tone here. The encyclopaedic stuff works best for me and I'd certainly drop "What a silly sausage! Isn't he a silly sausage, boys and girls?" unless the whole article was written as if delivered by a child's entertainer (and why should it be?) By the end it reads more like a short story - mainly to get the Pittburgh gag (perhaps not the best choice for a Western) hero. Decide what tone you want and stick with it throughout ... sure that may mean losing a few gags along the way, but I think it will lift the piece as a whole.
Consider changing this title eg. Jimmy the Lawman to be consistent with the text, and either drop or expand the can-can stuff as it doesn't have a real gag. "And that's why cowboys walk that way" and "Then they went and changed the laws on him, and he had to start again" made me laugh - more here please.
Jimmy the Cowboy shoots Liberty Valance
This is just a Western namecheck, and consequently not really funny. Scattering these names throughout the article would work better for me, unless this section was expanded so that it didn't just read like a list.
Jimmy at the Alamo
This is where it really fell apart for me... perhaps I'm missing some historical (and hysterical joke), but whilst the idea of Jimmy being responsible for the seige at the Alamo is fine, this just all seemed a bit random.
A paragraph just for the Pittsburgh joke? Stick some new flashes of brilliance here and then and consider burying Jimmy at Boot Hill, mention how all th saloon bartenders cried etc. and this article will begin to meet its potential.
edit I really don't mean this in a rude way, honest
But please explain this article to me. @ 03:43 Dec 27
edit The Code
Haha, just wanted to say how much I appreciate these morse-code jokes. We need more on Uncyclopedia! =D
No not really.
I thought the article was funny too.
And to those curious, according to my handy dandy morse code converter that I Googled, it reads "SOMETIMES A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO, EVEN WHEN THAT'S COMPLETELY STUPID".
ShadowfaxSTF 08:27, 27 December 2008 (UTC)