From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
mr holford is jesus
mr holford is the mesiah and he loves everyone one his songs are leg-ends and he loves everyone as much as god his god because he is not a budha sitting down and humming all day long is just boring be a fucking christian man.
Hey, why is this funny? Maybe, four Jesii at the most would be funny,hey don dis mr holford he is praised by the allmighty yes im taking the piss haha but like fifty? It's like someone'strying toi make a joke with the repetition and failing miserably.--MXMissles 05:49, 22 June 2006 (UTC)
- Agreed, I'd prefer four or so omnipowerful Jesii that are actully funny than a million hypopowerful (what?) Jesii like "DinoJesus" that suck bat shit (*gasp* can you say that about Jesus?). I personally vote for: Original Jesus, Micro Jesus, Black Jesus, and Ultra Jesus. I haven't seen their articles, but the concept is what I vote for, though it doesn't matter because YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. --Señor DiZtheGreat CUN AOTM ( Worship me!) (Praise me!) (Join me!) AMEN! 21:18, 28 June 2006 (UTC)
- I mean, one Jesus with a fucking awesome article would be the best... MXMissles 02:36, 15 August 2006 (UTC)
- Good idea (I know I'm replying to a dead topic, but it needs considering). I like Original Jesus, Republican Jesus, and Black Jesus. --Imp88 10:31, 17 April 2007 (UTC)
waaw, you guys really enjoy making fun of religion,keep up d good work, but don't bee too faar boys ^^ hohohohoho 18.104.22.168 11:42, 26 February 2007 (UTC)
Jebus apppears on 2 seperate lists!
I think we should keep it that way. Its what he would have wanted.--Mrasdfghjkl 13:55, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
A moment of your time?
We have templates for all major Jesii, minor Jesii, unwanted Jesii and Jesus Related Locations. My question is do the two crime fighting Jesus Teams (The Justice League of Jesus and The Jesus Squad) deserve a to be included? If not then forget I said anything and we'll pretend this never happened.
at least zombie jesus is on here
But what about Raptor Jesus?
What about Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter?
I don't quite have the time to search for and add him to the list, but it seems like this critical variant of jesus (who may not even exist yet in uncyclopedia) is not here! I was shockedd. How can we have zombies, but not vampires? Sanfam 07:39, 31 August 2006 (UTC)
Missing: Jesus Haploid Christ
Should we add this somewhere in the article, Jesus being being shortchanged in the chromosome department and all?
22.214.171.124 20:18, 30 October 2006 (UTC)Source: Radio mono CP: Link 64_182_248_162_port_8230 [AM-540 KRXA "Think for Yourself"] NEWS 14.00 CET 25th february '07 The family grave of this unmortal wood-working and carpenter syndicate was found already some years ago in Palestine and the hoax of the most lucrative economical crossroad-interest-swindle endangered because the mortal remnants and remains of the so-called "God's own son" were finally identified. A further question. Doesn't it have pictures of this vamp? And who possesses the rights to his pictures?
There is a picture online if anyone wishes to place it into this article, please do.
Was Jesus an alcoholic?
Of course he was and alcoholic, why else would a grown man change water into wine when there was no more beers. And another pice of evidence is that even now days we still drink jesus blood, which was wine, and to that that person needs to drink ALOT! of wine, so he must of been a alcoholic. If all youll give me your feedback ill write a hole page on this stuff, my name is Boxman.
Retitle page "John Frusciante"
or you will go to hell. 126.96.36.199 00:35, 19 March 2007 (UTC)
All joking aside, a Latin correction...
If Jesus were a noun that could be made plural in Latin, the plural form would have to be Jesi.
It's like the whole "virii" BS. If virus weren't a mass noun, the plural would be "viri" (which happens to be taken by "vir," meaning "man").
--188.8.131.52 15:41, 21 April 2007 (UTC)Disposable Interloper
they're right, it would be Jesi. i think the confusion comes from non-Latin knowing people lookin up latin in wikipedia and taking the extra i from words like radii, which has two because it had one to begin with. --Ctrl-Alt-Elite 12:20, 3 May 2007 (UTC)
Actually, a Latin-knowing person knows that "Jesus" is 4th declension, and therefore the plural is... "Jesus". But the current way is more amusing.
Sorry, Jesus is nominative 2nd declension (masculine) so the plural is in fact Jesi --Ctrl-Alt-Elite 00:36, 4 May 2007 (UTC)
What is worng with you people?!? Making fun of Jesus, calling a drinker, disrescepting all religions, oyu are all jerks! And on top of that, no one can edit it? What in 2 flying hells?!? I love eating penis!!! MMMMM! Yummy! I am a retard.
Actually, you are all wrong. We speak English, jesus (doesn't deserve a capital, by the way) is being used as an English word, not a Latin one. Thus the plural is jesuses, not jesi, jesii or anything else. So haha you are gay.
(Some one that Hates this Site!)
You Fags! Burn in Hell! I will destroy all sites untill you let Me edit this page! No one makes fun of God no One!
“I Do, fag.”
“Yo, quit hating.”
“yes,you are correct!i dun think that it is funny!i hate [especially chinese]uncyclopedia!The site is not funny, but someone think that it is!Do they know that what the meaning of"funny"?For me,It is alright when they said that jesus is a cook[It is only something wrong-_-] But i cannot accept someone put "sex"with "bible" together.If you hate jesus,that's alright,it's your freedom to choose trust it or not.But WHY do they need to said sth bad of it.It is funny?I don't think so.i like jokes,but not like that.If you need to laughing at someone to get fun...oh!i think that you are not a good joker.A good joker MUST be funny and also have a good personality that consider other people.A joker is to make someone laugh, but not to make someone angry.It is not only bad for being a joker to do that,but also for being a human. ”
WTFU with the templates?
Hey, could someone, like, not make the fucking templates go away after a half of a second, because that would be great.
Can we add a link on this page to Jesus theory? Since that is an article about the study of jesus, and an explaination of WHY there are SOOOOOOOOOO many Jesii. It would prolly be useful, mmkay? Its not like I'm trying to pass off another stupid zombie jesus, just trying to explain why the hell there is a zombie jesus... (without mentioning him that is...)... --Taydus 10:07, 13 June 2007 (UTC)
Just so ya know, Zombie Jesus and Ultra Jesus both appear twice on the page. I'd fix it myself, but: A) I don't know which heading you want each Jesus under, and B) I don't have edit privileges on this page.
Later, all. Realdeal 55 20:20, 22 July 2007 (UTC)
I was wondering if I could make an article on Canadian Jesus. I have a picture in mind I was going to use. If anyone approves, let me know and I'll upload it and show you.
UPDATE: I have a pic in mind for my Canadian Jesus page:
The Joke is that South Park's version of Canadian Jesus (In South Park, Canadians are portrayed with beady eyes, flapping heads, etc.) 22:03, 5 August 2007 (UTC)
Other facts about the "J.C." other than he was Jewish
- Jesus was Gay.
- Jesus was Black.
- Jesus was a Hippy.
- Jesus was a vegan.
- Jesus was an Arab.
- Jesus was asexual.
- Jesus smoked.
- Jesus is magic.
- Jesus could return as a woman (the new Messiah is...NOT Paris Hilton!)
- And undeniably everyone can agree on, regardless of their religion:
Jesus did lived, he's real and has died. The end. JESUS LOVES YOU!+
All Atheists should burn in Hell!!!!!!
I demand a deletion of this article and everything related to religon immeditaly! I am a strict religous person!!!! If you don't i'll send the Exorcist to your house to kill you!!! I will reapeat this message on every religous-mocking page until all of them, NOT SOME BUT ALL OF THEM ARE GONE FOR MOTHERASSRAPINFUCKIN' GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Mario Mario 20:45, 24 September 2007 (UTC)
Hi All, Atheists has nothing to do with this. A atheists doesnt believe in the concept of god but an atheists wont write like this. these articles are written by the who believe in god
- Please take this to the Village Dump instead of spamming several talk pages. Thanks. --Sir Starnestommy (Talk • Contribs • CUN • Capt.) 20:54, September 24, 2007
- You remind me of that troll on IRC claiming to be a Christian and that God doesn't like Uncyclopedia, but it turned out he/she was trying to convert us to Encyclopedia Dramatica. -- Kip > Talk • Works • • 21:05, 24 September 2007 (UTC)
- I think Blargh/Grigorious has nothing to do with this guy. --Sir Starnestommy (Talk • Contribs • CUN • Capt.) 21:05, September 24, 2007
All Religious Believers Should... Burn!!!!! I demand the deletion of all religious peoples and everything to do with religion immediately! (Unless Atheist)I am a strict atheist!!!! If you don't I'll send the pope to your house to kill you!!! I will repeat this message on every NON religious-mocking page until all of them, NOT SOME OF THEM BUT ALL OF THEM ARE GONE FOR MOTHERASSRAPINFUCKIN' GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!(P.S I will not repeat this message on every page as I am not LAME/Religious) —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 184.108.40.206 (talk • contribs)
Ow My Eyes and Need for Proper Formatting
Somebody dooo something! All templates centered, spaced, and if possible within the physical boundaries of the article.
Plz&thnx. 220.127.116.11 00:35, 19 October 2007 (UTC)
- o_0 Wow, someone actually listened to me? Thank you random talk-page-complaint-listener!
- Hmm... How about a ham sandwich as well...? Feebas factor 06:11, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
Mewtowo is refered to both at the begining and end of the family tree. Is is pretty damn hilariouss but that should be changed
How do you put the hide button on the templates? It's on all but Greek gods, and it needs to be on that one. 18.104.22.168 22:49, 7 January 2008 (UTC)
- 57/male/right outside your window.
(just kidding) 22.214.171.124 20:44, 8 January 2008 (UTC)
was jesus my friend? well, let me tell you a story that will hopfully clarify the situation. It was a Saturday morning, not the time that anyone wants to be up, especially not volunteering at a soup kitchen in a poor part of a generally poor city. That's where I found my self a couple Saturdays ago. My job was to pour cups of juice for the people there. The job was harder than it sounded, we continually ran out of cup and had to send people out looking for them. Once we finally had the right amount of cups, the other volunteers left me to refill glasses and they went to socialize. I sighed and sat down, thinking of all the places that I could be right now other than here in this dirty soup kitchen. I could be at a mall, shopping with my friends. I could be on the computer in my bedroom writing a story. Just then my thoughts were interrupted by a voice. "May I please have a spot of juice?" The request took me by surprise. Most people at the soup kitchen would just come up to me and stuck out their cup for a refill. A few made some grunts and even fewer said please. So this polished ask for "a spot of juice" gave me a little jolt. I smiled at the man who had asked me. I could tell in a glance that was very poor. A wearing hat covered his deep, dark hair, and a jacket that looked very patchy was all he had to keep him warm. Not the best thing to be wearing on a chilly October morning. "I guess you didn't expect me to say that," he said returning my grin. I glanced up at him again as I poured him a fresh glass of juice. His eyes were dark and looked like a melted chocolate bar. His copper face was withered and wrinkled, he looked he had experience in life and had seen a lot of things. I smiled again and giggled a bit, "Yeah, I didn't expect that, but I like it. It's very proper... very British!" He nodded and I passed him his cup of fruit punch. He gave me a grateful look and said "Thanks." I looked at him for one more moment and said, "No, thank you. You really made my day." Hope that clarifys it. 126.96.36.199 13:40, 3 March 2008 (UTC)
Um, that's good, I guess. However, it has nothing at all to do with Jesus or this article, nor do I believe anyone asked you to clarify anything here. Also, your spelling is deficient. If you have nothing better to contribute, please do not post again. --Jatopian 23:02, 4 March 2008 (UTC)
why not? he's a rapper, have you heard of him? that'd be funny.
Pff. What a sell-out. ~ // [ Lunaquois ] — 23:35 September 29, 2008 (UTC)
I thought Jesus is:
- The nice guy whose approval ratings was so low until they crucify him.
- He now visits those who has run out of their last cent due to gambling all their money away at the pools.
- Not attending the Olympics because of his anti Greek and Roman policy.
- And the Pope is attending on his behalf ever since Italy replaces the Roman Empire.
- - Red1 10:53, 26 December 2008 (UTC)
- Jesus Christ, he's not bigger than the Beatles, has the same number of letters in a name like Adolf Hitler and You can make fun of him but not any other religious figure such as the Islamic Prophet blessed be his name. Any questions? + PotatoSmut 07:56, October 9, 2009 (UTC)
Jesus' 2nd coming confirmed...in America!
He's ready to challenge that Black guy we elected with a name Hussein and a similar name of an enemy we didn't caught but we find familiar. He's funny, kid-friendly, popular, ideolized by millions...and bigger than Jesus!
Jesus is lord
- Knock, Knock...
- Who's there?
- I'm JESUS! JUST KIDDING.
- Jesus who? Never heard of him.
A Missing Jesii
I noticed that there was a severe lack of a certain Jesus, both lacking an article and lacking an entry in the list of Jesii.... Dead Baby Jesus. Dead baby Jesus is highly important due to the fact that this jesus sums up all the original Jesus that his followers want without ruining it with all that confusing morality stuff inbetween. Although there are two competing schools of thought on whether dead baby jesus was crucified just after birth (for the sake of tradition) or aborted (to speed up the process even faster for efficiency sake - Remember, dead baby jesus was aborted for your sins!).
JESUS ISNT REAL YOU TWATS