Talk:Iron

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Revision as of 16:28, September 5, 2008 by Gerrycheevers (talk | contribs)

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Man i wrote this 2 years ago and its still here =_=

might try to fix it a bit...

edit Pee Review

Humour: 7 Note 1. The beginning quote elicited a smirk. The deliberate caps of “IRON-IC" makes the connection all the more forced and pathetic. Puns are a fun way to be punny.

Note 2. “Iron, or as the French would say, L'Iron, is a strong metal, that is most well known as being used by God to create Led Zeppelin." Clever sentence. Employs irony and pun in that iron was used to create Led (Lead) Zeppelin. A digression, but clever nonetheless. Elicited recognition. For some reason the reader found themselves smiling at the interjection of French usage.

Note 3. “It has an atomic number of 26 meaning each Iron has exactly 26 atoms in it, with the exeption of obese iron molecules which can weigh up to 500 kilos.” Very good and very clever. The second clause’s cheekiness and unexpectedness is enhanced by the clause’s immediacy and terseness following the first clause. Elicited a smile.

Note 4. “However while Iron is used, it has never really been understood. It is lost and hungry and yet humans use it to span rivers, rather than provide it with food and shelter.” Excellent. Very unexpected turn of events. Employs bathos and pathos: the iron and its plight elevated to the concern afforded for a wounded animal. The absurdity is enhanced by the article’s hitherto languorous movement being interrupted with the lines’ successive immediacy. “It is lost and hungry and yet humans use it to span rivers” elicited a smile and appreciation. Kudos all around.

Note 5. “Iron is often thought of as man's fifth greatest achievement, after Chuck Norris Jokes and just before the Question mark.” Elicited no smirks, chuckles, or lols. Employs randomness and cliché.

Note 6. “Fossils and cave paintings from the stone age have revealed that the invention of iron led to a dramatic increase in efficiency in a caveman's ability to beat his cavewoman.” Elicited O_O . Be wary of misogynist humor—especially unfunny misogynist humor.

Note 7. “This of course led to him having more free time to do other things, such as making nice fossils for us to find.” This line is the logical conclusion to the line previous. It is a weak conclusion. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.

Note 8. “The Ancient Chinese were the first people to make Cast Iron from iron that they found in meteors, or something like that.” Silly sentence. The sentence evokes that storied tradition of deliberately mystifying East Asian peoples: “or something like that.” reaffirms the susceptibility of such cultures to be explained off with some sort of foray into the arcane and exotic. Also, the line relays the article’s indifference, foregoing scholarship for convenience. Elicited recognition.

Note 9. “They used it to make sharp pointy things which helped them be very persuasive in arguments, and allowed their domination of the European Continent for almost a century. Then, in the year , Chinese Emperor Nasi Goreng decided to build a great wall to keep out dinosours, rabbits and other nasty things. Rather than use the material which had led to his success, he decided to build the Great Wall of China out of simple stone and pretty much ruined the entire thing they had going for them there.” Unwelcome digression. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or chuckles.

Note 10. “Much later, Soviet Russia attempted to learn from history by making what was known as the Iron Curtian, an idealogical wall” which was completely impenetrable by non communist people (i.e. normal people)” Clever. Elicited a smirk.

Note 11. “Initially this was a great sucess because no enemies were able to enter, however it had the unforseen effect of not allowing any Communists out, until there were so many that the country literally imploded itself.” Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.

Note 12. "Dmitri Mendeleev was responsible for first stealing the idea of Iron and confining it within a table of other elements for his own evil gains, however Iron was able to break free to participate in the events of the Great Periodic Table Wars (see Periodic Table) where it was of great asset to the mighty forces of Boron." Random. Welcome incorporation of historical and chemistry contexts; but elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.

Note 13. “Irony: The most Iron-ic substance known to man” Not particularly tickling.

Note 14. “Ductility: Much less ductile than Steel, whose duck impressions are the greatest out of all the metals.” ! Very good. Truly, you are PUN-ishing me! Ahahaha!

Note 15. “Colour: The red of Iron Oxides is the reason that Mars looks so bitchin'. This red colour is attributed to the oxide IRon Weasly” Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols; but elicited awe. “oxide IRon Weasly”. So forced and unexpected, hahaha.

Note 16. “Patriotic: With gold plated Iron Armour, Bill Clinton was able to become Iron Man, the greatest hero America has ever known!” Random. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or chuckles.

Note 17. “Sexuality: Iron has many less sexual connotations than Steel. See: Properties of Steel” LOL! I am so glad I clicked on that link! A veritable diamond-in-the-rough! Kudos!

Note 18. The rest of the properties are unmemorable.

Note 19. Iron and Steel section is a copout: either elaborate on the section or delete it altogether.

Note 20. “a group of dedicated scientists from the unfortunately named group known as Team Go Go Scientastic!” Haha, how funny!

Note 21. The last section exhibits indulgent absurdism. Unfortunately, none of it elicited smirks, smiles, or lols: save for “Any of several small striped terrestrial squirrels of the genera Tamias and Eutamias, especially T. striatus of eastern North America.” which was very much unexpected.

Concept: 8 Excellent concept. Case studies of the mundane are tickling.

Idea. For the history part, elaborate and focus on the history of injustice done to irons since their inception. Truly, the angle of injustice is a promising angle for this whole article to pursue. Also, the last sentence in the introduction suggested such an approach.

Prose and formatting: 6 The formatting was fine but there were several spelling mistakes. Other than that, the prose was keeping in line with expectant Uncyclopedia standards.
Images: 7 Pictures are fine. They neither detract nor enhance the article.
Miscellaneous: 7 Averaged.
Final Score: 35 A fine article with a good concept. The article testifies to a sparkling eye for linguistic silliness. Just continue expanding, elaborating, and eschewing ideas as they come to you.Be particularly attentive of flights into the absurd as well. Just take your time and iron out the wrinkles designated. After that, this article will stand out in VFH like a steam-pressed $100 bill. Godspeed.
Reviewer: Mightydandylion Icons-flag-us (talk) Fk 22:33, 1 April 2008 (UTC)
Bmup smaller The Proofreading Service has proofreaded your article. Like it? Need more proofreading? Click here!

--SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:28, 5 September 2008 (UTC)

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