Talk:In Confidence We Walk: Upton Sinclair's Keynote Speech to the National Writer's Consortium, 1943
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I always knew Cormac McCarthy was insane. The man is a certifiable apostrophe killer. —— 22:55, 12 February 2008 (UTC)
- Absolutely brilliant. --Optimuschris 17:57, 1 March 2008 (UTC)
edit Pee Review
|Humour:||8||I startled myself just realizing this: the train metaphor literally carries this piece throughout. The beginning part of the article felt really chuggish and languid. It wasn't until "GENTLEMEN! STICK YOUR JOHNSONS OUT THE WINDOW OF A LOCOMOTIVE!" did the the article truly pick up the laughs. Hitherto that line, it's been chuckles. After that, HAHAHA's. Truth be told, after the first few lines, I wanted to skim straight down to the ending in the hopes of getting the gist of it. I'm glad I stayed "on board" to experience the ride. Essentially, if it was your intention to incorporate the movement of a train into your article's "flow", I must give you plaudits aplenty!|
|Concept:||9||Excellent concept. Any lesser mortal would have pursued an Ida Tarbell, Jacob Riis, or Kinkaid Hippy Q. McFreakington. Just one question. I, hopefully correctly, understand the article as an exercise in explicit irony (Upton Sinclair advocating glorious boldness); but why Upton Sinclair? Was Upton Sinclair a particularly modest guy?|
|Prose and formatting:||9||9 IF the movement of the article was meant to evoke the feelings of riding on a train (that's just fun and clever) and 8.5 IF it was a subconscious spasm of cleverness. Regardless, the article is well-written. Words and phrases were capitalized that needed to be capitalized and this:
"Ah yes, Mr. Lessenberg asks “Why a locomotive? Why must it be a moving train?” Ha, Johann, it is obvious you've never been truly free before. For any man can timidly drop trow in his rumpus room and expose himself to his neighbor's wife; there is no courage in that, Mr. Lessenberg. Nor is there courage in self-exposition at your local marketplace, restaurant or bowling alley. That is an act of a timid and somewhat perverse individual. This has nothing to do with such perversions, Mr. Johann Polonius Lessenberg!
The crowd has no idea whether to laugh or not. Mr. Sinclair grins for a brief moment and continues.
Ah, the train: man's gift to mankind. Neither John Henry nor his blue ox could foresee its power. Its majesty glows brightly from the Mississippi all the way to the Orient. Just perchance to board one, a man should kiss the very tracks on which it glides. How can one truly feel such power? So very simply my friends: unlatch your window, angle your manhood outward, and make a statement to the world!"
pretty much testifies to the rib-tickling linguistic calisthenics employed.
However, I'd like to also point out that much of the annotations as extraneous: specifically, 1,2,5, and 6. 3 and 4 are good.
|Images:||7||This is difficult. I truly enjoy the picture on the bottom but feel absolutely nothing for the top. I give a seven because the top picture distracts from the appropriateness and lol's elicited of the bottom.|
|Miscellaneous:||(8.3)||Lines: "(violently flings the bible into the crowd; it is caught by novelist Lanvel Oliver Hunt, who passes out upon viewing the book's spine)" and "After a moment of silence, a young writer in the back of the room stands and begins clapping passionately. He is the only one to do so." can be taken out, with no loss to the strength of the article.|
|Final Score:||38||Strong article. The beginning part of the article should be reworked, so as to have the funnies interspersed evenly throughout and to invite the reader in. Truly, the impetus for my reading it was initially because of the picture on the bottom right hand page. After that is done, strong VFH candidate.|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion 03:50, 22 February 2008 (UTC)|