Talk:Hyperdimension Sandwich Maker
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This thing needs review!
ive just stuch this on Pee review so I can hopfully improve it soon.....Flare 20:50, 3 December 2008 (UTC)
edit And now a word from our sponsor, Pee Review!
|Humour:||4.3||This is an interesting idea, and yet I am not entirely thrilled with the outcome. Perhaps we should do this section-by-section, like *sniff* Cajek used to make 'em. (Ironic how I'm about to steal Hv's template to do this.)
|Concept:||5||Alright, so I think this could be a cool idea, if given some time to develop. This is something you really need to flush out. So I think I could best summarize your current angle for this article with "The Hyperdimension Sandwich Maker is super powerful and spans across the galaxy, making perfect sandwiches along the way." This is okay, but it's not ridiculously funny. Think about this when writing an article: What if someone were to describe my article in one sentence? in one word? in one number? (Ignore that last one, rabbit.) I want to throw a few more ideas at you just to get you thinking.
When I first saw this article, I could sort of imagine in my head that this could be about a ridiculously expensive, time consuming, inefficient machine that is inexplicably in operation today. Or, it could be futuristic, and plans are already being drafted by scientists to create this machine after they got food poisoning at a Potbelly's. Perhaps this will be an example of military scientists frittering away their time when they should be working on more important things. Whatever you decide to do, you need to have a definite angle that you're going to stick with. This needs to be funny. If you don't like any of my ideas, that's fine. The purpose of this review is not to give you my ideas, it is merely to get you to think differently. Have yourself a look at HTBFANJS for more ideas and effective humor techniques.
|Prose and formatting:||4||Your grammar kinda sucks, buddy. I count more than a few misspellings, some funky sounding sentences, and some awkward word choices. Your spelling leads me to believe that you are using IE, which is one of very few browsers that does not include a spellchecker. If you are, just run this guy through Word and then proofread it again. Proofread this the same way you would if you were turning this in for a grade at school. Uncyclopedia does have standards, believe it or not.|
|Images:||6||Images are okay. No images of the machine itself, which is disappointing. But that's one tasty looking sammich. I may end up going to make myself a turkey and swiss before this review is over.|
|Miscellaneous:||4.8||Averaged your scores.|
|Final Score:||24.1||Overall, I would say that this is an article with potential, but still needs a lot of work. It's not in danger of being deleted any time soon, but it certainly is not ready for feature either. I think that if you give it some serious love, and maybe even an extensive rewrite following this advice, you could make this into a great article. I look forward to seeing the result. Please contact me on my talk page if you have any more questions.|
|Reviewer:||@ 18:31 Dec 6|