Talk:Holy Cheese

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edit From Pee Review

Humour: 8 Delightfully random. (I was originally going to give it a 7, but then I scrolled back up and saw the Obi-Wan Kenobi quote I had missed earlier. That gets you a full extra point from me.)
Concept: 9 There was once an episode of the obscure TV show Chuck Woolery's Naturally Stoned about "the holy cottage cheese" that made me crack up every time I watched it. The concept is no less funny when it's in written form.
Prose and formatting: 7 Very nice and very encyclopedic prose, although there are some formatting issues. In particular, there are too many headings near the end, especially about the Enemies of Holy Cheese and, to a lesser extent, historical uses. If you can't think of a way to expand those sections, consider collapsing them into larger, more general sections -- think "overview". Don't get rid of anything (except perhaps the headers); just restructure what you have to make it flow a bit more smoothly rather than being broken every two sentences. (I'll also go through the article myself and change a couple of more trivial formatting issues at no extra charge.)
Images: 8 The images are very well done and fit very well into the article, especially the recipe and the Cheddar Society. I even like the holy cheese with the cross drawn on in Paint. The only things keeping this category from getting an even higher score are the Zulu Wars picture (see Miscellaneous for details) and the fact that we need some images for the cheese's enemies. An image to go along with the phrase "Mouth eat cheese" would be perfect, and perhaps some fondue to show the results of exposure to fire.
Miscellaneous: 8 As you can tell from the scores above, I really liked this article. However, the one section I question the necessity of is the Zulu Wars section. While parodying the racism quite evidently present in the Zulu War is fine, I just think it could be toned down ever so slightly. (I can't put my finger on what makes me think that, though. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I'm Canadian, but I know I am often extremely sensitive to those kinds of things.) You might also want to consider moving the section on the Cheddar Society to a place earlier in the article, but only if you can fit it there absolutely seamlessly.
Final Score: 40 Overall, this article has a strong concept, well-done visuals, and humour to spare. With some expansion and restructuring at the end (and perhaps a second look at the Zulu Wars, though I'll leave that up to you), however, this article could be even better. Now, to answer your question: Will it do well on VFH? Although I am not as much of an expert as some other users here, based on my experience, articles like this tend to be quite popular on VFH. Just try expanding the article a bit toward the end like I've talked about above, and I think you've got a fighting chance. (And, by the way, thanks for sitting through this Pee Review -- this is actually my first shot at reviewing on Uncyclopedia. I hope I was able to help!)
Reviewer: Big_Brother_Sig_Part_1.pngCUN PLS VFH (MiniluvMinitrueUnsoc) 00:30, 12 June 2007 (UTC)


Humour: 6 The jokes are there, but they need to be flushed out more. I would also recommend revisit the jokes that you feel work best and exploit those by adding some Latin (or fake Latin, ie, Duex Ex Cheeseena) which would help give it a more Catholic feeling.
Concept: 8 Ranks up there with the Holy Hand Grenade
Prose and formatting: 6 The prose could be improved and it needs a good proofing. Watch for repetitive phrases, and try to vary how you begin each paragraph. Your first sentence should act as a hook and draw the reader in. The organization of the article would benefit from a more logical flow, ie Introduction (A brief summary of what the article is about) -> History of Holy Cheese -> Properties of Holy Cheese -> Recipe of Holy Cheese -> etc...
Images: 5 The photos are a weak spot. I would submit the main Holy Cheese image to "Reefer" for suggestions. I would also suggest that you do an image with with either an Icon of the Virgin Mary holding Baby Cheeses, or a medieval image of the Holy Cheeses being taken on a Crusade.
Miscellaneous: 8 You get high marks for putting a lot of effort into this. You have a good idea, it just needs to be refined, pasturized and then aged a short while. Again, my comments are honest because I know that you are seeking opinions, and I feel that its easier to work with honest opinions than it is with with "log rolling". The goal is to get this to where it will get serious consideration for VFH. If you need help, let me know, PP
Final Score: 33
Reviewer: Dame PPsigPPlips.gifGUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:10, 16 June 2007 (UTC)


Humour: 5 It's long, and it's got several in-jokes. I know it can be heartbreaking to delete parts of an article just because they don't "fit in" with the rest, but it must be done in the name of humor.
Concept: 9 An article about Holy Cheese is good an proper and ought to exist within Uncyclopedia. As per above, though, it needs to be made more coherent.
Prose and formatting: 9 Pretty much satisfactory.
Images: 7 Not all of the images are directly related to the topic.
Miscellaneous: 10 For linking to my article.
Final Score: 40 I personally would drop the "Properties of Holy Cheese" section, since it breaks up the flow of the article (remember, this is about the historical importance of Holy Cheese!). Try reading the Wikipedia article on cheese for cheese-related references. Cheese on its own is amusing, but only a cheese connoisseur can make it truly hilarious. Keep it up, you'll come up with something!
Reviewer: --The Acceptable Thinking cap small Cainad Sacred Chao (Fnord) 01:20, 17 July 2007 (UTC)


Humour: 7 It does seem a bit random, but this seems to be a subject that everyone finds funny, so you definitely get points for that. I especially like the quotes at the top, they're quite funny.
Concept: 8 As stated above, everyone seems to find this kinda thing funny, and it is well though-out.
Prose and formatting: 7 There are no problems with the formatting, the pictures are aligned properly, etc.
Images: 7 Some really good attempts to bring good images into the article, and the cheese with a cross fits well. However, I don't fully understand the second-to-last picture with some car screaming "Jihad!", but that may just be my stupidity.
Miscellaneous: 10 Not applicable
Final Score: 39 Quite good! I'll try to help make it slightly less repetitive, and it may eventually make VFH nomination standard!
Reviewer: GAZCO Icons-flag-gb Itsa me, Gazco! (Yay for meeeee!) 21:11 26 July 2007 (UTC)


Humour: 8 Good humour and very funny in some places
Concept: 9 a clever and well thought out idea
Prose and formatting: 10 well written and formatted
Images: 9 Images are good and I especially like the "jihad" one
Miscellaneous: 10 Not Applicable
Final Score: 46 A very good, well thought out article. I don't know about other people but i'd sure vote for it :)
Reviewer: --BonSig.png (Bonner) Icons-flag-gb (Talk). 16:25, 2 August 2007 (UTC)


edit How on Earth

How on earth did this get featured? This article... this article is pretty bad. Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:38, Mar 28 2010

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