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This is incredibly biased, derrogatory, and discriminatory. FEATURE!! --20:16, 18 April 2006 (UTC)
Except for the shitty grammar, man.Bovinity 11:17, 7 August 2006 (UTC)
- The repeated deleted entry is how in California circa 1968 hippies would drive down in their volkswagen pyschedelic-painted "Mystery Machine" vans the US 101/Cal. state 1, Interstate 5 (whatever) from San Francisco full of Chinese opium sales via Vancouver, to Los Angeles in the mythical land of Aztlan when a fellow Chicano sells them marijuana he smuggled out of Tijuana, near San Diego. The first glimpse of the heroes of the hippy movement: Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong. I guess this was supposed to be funny. + PotatoSmut 06:03, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
This article needs a revision more in the spirit of irreverent mockery. All the man, man man manmanman crap is taking away from how wonderfully derogatory and offense the article _could_ be. Someone DO IT right now.
Well, i did start culling some of the crappy bits, but someone reverted it, oh well, screw it :< Daffyflyer
- Sorry about that, I just saw in recent changes that you and an IP were taking bits out at a time, I'll revert back for you. 14/04 13:36
Oh, yes i can see that could look a bit dodgy!
No worries mate!Daffyflyer 13:44, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
Somebody put 'in bed' in about every other sentence here. It's In a lot of bad places, and makes the otherwise entertaining article annoying to read.
Will somebody fix that? I'm too lazy.Gallhint
Oh...these ones turned into Neo-Cons (no, seriously), a factor on the aging baby boomer mentality about "hating the government" and the fact like the original hippies of the '60s, many of them happen to be...Jewish. [ NO citation needed ] + PotatoSmut 16:48, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
Lo, and behold!
I went and fixed it. Happy now? Pee Review forthcoming. • • • 22:26, 26 April 2008 (UTC)
Here it is.
|Humour:||6||The topic is dealt with relatively well, however there’s no subtlety for the most part, very "in your face" humour, which is alright. I don't feel a hernia coming on from it, despite it being a very silly group of people. I think improvements would be taking on the new age/wacko/RD Laing slant on this; it would make it a lot funnier. It's put together very poorly particularly at the beginning which detracts from the writing. The quotes have zero humour factors in my opinion and make for a bad start an article that is essentially good. The current trend is for one or two quotes that highlight the key points in your satire of the topic. Some of the images are very good.|
|Concept:||9||The concept is solid; however you focus on a very narrow field with the themes and parody. You might want to highlight the whole "baby Boomers" who were behind the hippy movement, similarly mentions of prominent hippies type who've become obscenely rich (Felix Dennis for example) from their "higher states of consciousness"- there’s room to highlight more of the irony and hypocrisy of this very commercial movement and use it for comic effect.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||Very messy, needs improvement. Many of the image captions are overly long and uneccercery, there badly placed and there are some nasty gaps in the formatting. There are few links although the referencing is good. There are the aforementioned quotes which add little and immediately get off to a bead start. Fundamentally it all there formatting wise. With the prose there need less of the whole "hippy scum" and more "dirt rich from heroin dealing/publishing hippy scum". The length of the former detracts and the piece feels like a lot more has been written when there’s actually a lot that could be expanded upon.|
|Images:||8||Good images, long captions and badly placed, this is easily fixed. I like the one at the top and is the kind of suggestive stuff that really adds to the topic. the Beatles are not a really a superb hippy band, more john Lennon/Doors/Hendrix/Jefferson Aeroplane pics could be more appropriate. Possibly more of the whole Easy Rider Culture could be brought though in more images|
|Miscellaneous:||6||It needs some work in my opinion, its not just messy formatting, the topic is not that well handled. I think a little more reading on Hippy and baby boomers will mean the topic can be better parodied.|
|Final Score:||33||I hope that this is helpful on how you can improve the article. I think although my personal criticisms seem pretty harsh they'll be pretty easy to fix and will drastically improve the article:)|
|Reviewer:||--14:28, 27 April 2008 (UTC)|
|Humour:||6||The use of Hippie jargon was generally the source of humor in this article, and I think it pulled it off pretty well. However, without the unusual dialect, I think this article's text would pretty much be random and unfunny.|
|Concept:||7||Compared to what this article was before the rewrite, I'd say massive improvement in nearly every way.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Not much to say here, average article formatting. Like I said, the hippie dialect was what really brought it all together.|
|Images:||6.5||Good images, I guess... At least they weren't irrelevant to the article. But (this is just my opinion) I think that a good image is an image that can be funny by itself on a page, i.e. an image that doesn't require a caption to be funny. But like I said, that's just my opinion.|
|Miscellaneous:||5||Not much to say.|
|Final Score:||30.5||Overall, a big improvement compared to what this article used to be.|
|Reviewer:||* Flumpa 00:44, 6 May 2008 (UTC)|
|Humour:||6||The hippie dialect is pretty funny. Although I would suggest that if you're going to write as a hippie, you shouldn't bash hippies in the first paragraph.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||No complaints here.|
|Images:||7||They illustrate the article pretty well.|
|Humour:||8.5||Humour is entirely subjective, but from my point of view, the humour in this article was pretty good.
The first paragraph set up very nicely the overall tone of this article, save for the inconsistency mentioned in Prose. I was interested in how you ripped humour from what hippies stood for (Fighting the Power, not working for The Man). My favourite quip from this section was how Hippies were “Interested in drugs and sex, and often confused the two”. Connecting them to the Overpopulation crises was well placed and humourous. The Black Hippies section was an excellent addition, and that add-in about them being a subsubspecie was good enough to elict a smile. Ending the paragraph with fo’ shizzle also yanked a smile out of me.
Very good section in here, particulally with linking all those band together in such a short period of time. While it DID feel a bit rushed, as I mentioned, you did a lot of writing and information in a short time. I did get the feeling that you could pack in a small joke about how the Hippies choice in music contributed to their behaviours. The blatant image change on the Beatles picture was not missed on me, but that will be covered in images.
As I believe I mentioned, this section is a bit choppy based upon how short the sentences were compared to the rest of the article. While this section DID manage to continue to be funny (The mention of the Governments “Make America Safe for Drugs” actually managed to make me laugh, causing everyone in the nearby room to stare at me, excellent crack there. I guess that, in retrospect, it is good that the sentences were shortened in this particular section, owing to the obvious excitement of the hippie being referred to.
Well, this section wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t great. The only joke I actually found that I really liked was the part as to “why you are so messed up.” Save for that, there were no real, great, outstanding jokes. I did try to laugh at the production of hippie babies, which I think can say, but this section could us a joke as to WHY the women are so attracted to the distinct Body Odor of a male hippie.
Again, not outstanding. My guess is that, by this point, you were beginning to get a bit tired with writing this whole article. The rest of the article stayed… about as solid as it is right now. The jokes stayed funny throughout the article, but as I said, you got tired.
|Concept:||8||While I believe I mostly covered Concept while reviewing humour, I will summarise in this section. You are playing very well with the wiggle room presented by this article. I enjoyed how you implemented the speech style of the hippies into the article, and how, even in the “serious” parts, and I enjoyed the obvious amount of work put into this article. The only reason I bumped the score down a bit was due to the slow decrease as humor went down. It is perfectly fine (in my opinion) to have a bit of a lag in the middle of the article, but to decrease as the article goes on gets boring, and the reader clicks on a link to go somewhere else.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I judged this section first because it was the one that stood out the most. Throughout the article, the term “Hippies” sees inconsistent capitalisation. In the opening (The quotes), you refer to hippies by having the first one lower cased, and the same holds true for the rest of the quotes. After that, I got to the first sentence, and Hippies was UPPER cased. A bit later in the same paragraph, it reverted to no caps. Save for the capitalisation problems, the rest of the article is not too bad in the prose department. While the Hippie dialect DID get a bit annoying, I completely understand your reason for choosing to write the article in this specific tone. The section in the “Tripping Drugs” did sound a bit grammatically butchered, but again, for good reason. While the prose score does hurt a bit, I think that you did do a good job with the article, and the prose helped with the humour score.|
|Images:||7||Meh, only one complaint in this department. The opening image of the hippie set a well-placed tone for this article, and had a nice, humourous caption. The valley effect caused by the pictures of the Beatles and the Black Hippie did cause a small snag. I red from left to right, and therefore, I paid attention to the Beatles picture before I looked at the Black Hippie picture, which, when reading the text, seemed a bit inconsistent. I would recommend flipping the images (Black hippie on left, Beatles on right) to avoid further confusion for future readers.|
|Miscellaneous:||7.6||Avg’d as per Pee Review Guidelines|
|Final Score:||38.1||Well, you have a bit of work to do in this article. The things you need to patch up are as follows
Great article, great job, and thank you for the excellent read. Have a great day!
|Reviewer:||Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀12:44 June 10 2008|