Talk:Haggis

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Shouldn't the first line be "To be confused..." rather than "Not to be confused...". The latter seems so logical to do. Quite unorthodox by Uncyclopedia standards.

edit Photograph

I took the photograph, and I have oscillated, almost vibrated between kicking myself for not going inside the shop to inquire as to the nature of the "other Scottish delicacies", and hugging myself for the relief of not finding out. --Skyring 00:34, 23 March 2006 (UTC)

edit Small Furry Animal.

Sorry, but I'd have to make a correction here. A Haggis is small furry, harmless-looking animal, quite a cute one, in fact. The Japanese tourists always sigh "kawaii--iii" on seeing one.

As is well-known it has five legs. Three of these are much longer than the other two. This adaptation is to enable it to run around the sides of Scottish hills at great speed.

In fact, there are two distinct varieties of haggis, the lefhand and righthand genetic strains. As Captain Obvious would be quick to point out, they run around their respective hill in opposite directions. This has two consequences. The narrow haggis-tracks formed on the hillsides by the constant use will not accommodate two haggi passing in opposite directions, so special signs have to be erected telling the haggi where it is possible to pass. On observing this fact, the Scots decided to build their roads on the same principle. The other consequence is that the two strains remain genetically separate, having developed their own distinct characteristics, as interbreeding is physically extremely difficult.

Despite its cute appearance the haggis is after all Scottish, and that means it's an extremely tough customer. AK47s and the like being of limited effect, the weapon of choice for hunting is generally the [1]Davy Crockett, although some old-school hunters still insist on using trebuchets.Hunters need protective clothing against its powerful kick, and American football-gear has proven the most popular and effective.

No part of the haggis goes to waste. The innards, mixed with oatmeal and stuffed into a sheep's stomach make a nutritious meal. The pelt is used to line sporrans, whilst the hollowed-out skeleton forms the basis of a traditional Scottish musical instrument.

Haggis is, of course, a great delicacy, most often consumed on Burns Night. An interesting development is the recent availability of vegetarian haggis, which is supposedly much healthier to eat. The vegetarian type is quite pricey, as the need for constant surveillance of the haggis right throughout its life -to make sure it's not eating meat on the sly- makes its rearing an extremely labor-intensive process.

--Lantash 21:31, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

Haggii have only wan eye.

Personal tools
projects