Talk:Glenn Beck (Asshat)

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Whoever tagged this to be removed. Can anyone tell me how to make this article funnier? --Dark Paladin X 04:01, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

HTBFANJS is your friend. ^_^ —Hinoa talk.kun 04:15, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
This article has pretty much all the symptoms of a bad article:
1. Too many quotes, and the quotes aren't funny. Especially the Russian Reversal. That joke got old before I was born.
2. Lists and notes. They aren't funny. Remove these and replace them with actual paragraphs.
3. Random, pointless, unfunny Pokemon references. Get rid of them.
Icons-flag-au Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 04:17, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
I'm probably going to work on one and two, but can I still put Pokemon references, because I hate the english version of pokemon due to censorship.--Dark Paladin X 04:22, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
K, I revamp a few things with a screwdriver, tell me if it is funnier or better--Dark Paladin X 17:44, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
Meh, I'll leave it alone now. I got rid of the templates though, because nothing is uglier than a page with multiple irrelevant templates on the top. Icons-flag-au Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 02:45, 1 August 2007 (UTC)


edit From Pee Review

Since no one gives a fuck on Pokemon anymore, I want to see if some of you consider Glenn Beck article (conservative radio talk show host that I hate) is considered "fresh" or "rotten." The humor is closer to the truth.--Dark Paladin X 21:18, 17 August 2007 (UTC)

Humour: 6 They're a few jokes in there but its not that funny, and the propaganda is OK. the brainwashing is funny at first but it is repeated too many times.
Concept: 5 I kinda too believe global warming is total BS. The propaganda is kinda funny.
Prose and formatting: 7 It's laid out OK, but the Fun facts section serve no value.
Images: 6 The images scare the hell out of me and the page could use more, including one with him in action.
Miscellaneous: 6 Needs more jokes to add the the Redeeming Value of the page.
Final Score: 30 I will give it a C for average quality. Needs plenty of improvement.
Reviewer: --Pleb- Sawblade5 [coolest link ever] ( yell | FAQ | I did this ) 19:17, 5 September 2007 (UTC)


--Pleb- Sawblade5 [coolest link ever] ( yell | FAQ | I did this ) 19:22, 5 September 2007 (UTC)

I just rewrote the whole thing because, lets face it, it wasn't very good. See if you like this new version any better- Warmonkey

Wow! The jokes you put in are great, it makes the reader understand that conservative dumb-mindfully back Glenn Beck (in other words, Glenn Beck in a conservative perspective). Nice! --Dark Paladin X 00:03, 14 December 2007 (UTC)

Glad you liked it! I am always keen for a chance to insult Glenn Beck- Warmonkey

Someone came on and jsut removed the quote about Kieth Ellison without explanation. I have put it back in for several reasons. Firstly, insane and racist as it is, its a REAL glenn beck quote! He really said that! I love the fact of taking his real words and tehn agreeing with his moron logic to show how stupid he is. Also, from a basic writing stand point, just removing the quote makes the next paragraph makes no sense. It needs the screwy logic in the quote in order to make sense and be funny! You will have to give me a really good reason to take it out, as I will just add it back in each time, because I find it hilarious! -Warmonkey

edit Keith Ellison

Ok, if you actually listened to what Glenn says, in his book, he says that that was one of the worst worded questions in history so, make sure you take it in to mind Warmonkey, that I'm sure you have messed up before but, what ever. -Heroic Frog

You may be a Glenn Beck fan (in which case you have my sympathy, and i hope you get the help you need) but the quote is still both real and very very funny! The fact Glenn felt bad about it afterwards is not really important to its humour value. If you want to write a page about what a nice person Glenn Beck is, thats great, but its not going to be very funny! Mel gibson gets called a racist when he apologised later and so does that guy off sienfeld. The fact is, if you say something moronic, you have to expect to get laughed at. After all, this is uncylcopedia, which is supposed to be.....drum roll please....funny! Remember-

“If you fuck up, cool people will laugh at you!”
~ Warmonkey on why Glenn Beck quotes speak for themselves

-Warmonkey

Yeah, haha, I have sympathy for me too. I'm just another evil hate/war-mongering conservative. But anyway, by listening to his radio show you can find he had butt surgery so, if you wanted to incorporate that into the article. But please let not be anything about him being gay because that would just be stupid. He has a wife.

-Heroic Frog

Thanks for the tip, ass surgery is always funny. You are quite right, gay jokes are waaaaay over done. Ass licking jokes though, we never see enough of. - Warmonkey

Ah! no! None of those either! -Heroic Frog

edit Message to all Glenn Beck fans

If you love Glenn Beck, please go and make a web page about how much you love him. You can make a message board to share your favourite Glenn Beck stories, post scenes from your favourite episodes and write fan fiction about his adventures. This, however, is uncyclopedia. Uncyclopedia is here to make fun of, mock and ridicule (usually unfairly) people/things. If you think things written here about Glenn seem mean, nasty, unfair or insulting then you are right. They are completely unfair, rude and insulting. They are also funny! Insulting Glenn Beck has always been, and will always continue to be, funny. If the only reason you make a change is to protect Mr Beck's honour from insults, then dont bother! If you have something actually funny to say, then make an edit- Warmonkey

edit Two great victories today!

I've managed to annoy Glenn Beck fans so much, some are trying to get this page deleted! Awesome! Thanks Zombie baron, that means a lot! Even better then that, I learned how to so signatures properly! Warmonkey 03:18, 12 January 2008 (UTC)

edit Another fan of this page!

“This entire page is written by a left wing, hatemongering lemming who has never even listened to Glenn's show. Obviously, facts are not necessary on this site. Congratulations on being so brainwashed by the "media."”
~ Glenn Beck's Mother on why she keeps editing this page.

Doesn't Glenn Beck work in the "media"? Ah well, I guess tv, radio and books dont count. Nice quote there, keep the praise comming! Warmonkey 18:37, 31 January 2008 (UTC)

Make sure you say Liberal Media so she don't confuse it with Fox News or something else that is Right-Wing Media. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 23:08, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

edit I was just recently accused of being Glenn Beck By Kuro5hin and Encyclopedia Dramatica

I mean really, do any of you seem to think that I am Glenn Beck? I don't think so, but then what do I know? --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 00:20, 21 February 2008 (UTC)

Orion blastar (or should I say Glenn?), thanks for the input on the page. It is not often someone contributes here without just blanking it and saying that they love glenn and hate liberal facists! I am not sure about the quote about health care. It is retarded, but I am just not sure it is as laugh out loud funny as some of his other crap. Also it is a bit long. But thankyou so much for bringing the term "liberal facist" into my dictionairy! I had not heard that one! Brilliant! I am going to accuse all my friends of being liberal facists from now on. Just for that I will let you off for converting the page to american spellings. Warmonkey 18:12, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

Well since I got accused of being Glenn, I decided to watch a few of his shows and look around his web site for funny materials. This transcript has the quote from Glenn talking about Universal Healthcare to a Liberal over the phone. I figure that it is funnier to actually quote Glenn Beck than just make up random stuff about him. My Firefox has the US Dictionary, so of course it shows me words underlined in red that don't have US English spellings. Like in the USA we use fascists instead of facists, and dictionary instead of dictionairy. But if you are going to quote Glenn Beck who lives in the USA, I think you should use US spellings and not UK spellings to make it seem like he actually would say that. Just my two cents. Oh yeah I don't blank and vandalize pages, I try to make them funnier and revert blankings and vandalizations. I one of the few here that can write things that make fun of both liberals and conservatives, being that I am a moderate. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 23:06, 28 February 2008 (UTC)

moderate = liberal facist sympathiser! I agree that the thigns glenn beck really says are the funniest. I jsut think that particular quote might be too long and not funny enough. The page already has 3 other genuine quotes, does it need a forth? I have it on good authority that though glenn beck has an american accent, he speaks in english spellings. Warmonkey 12:50, 29 February 2008 (UTC)

I just found a funnier quote! Comedy, thy name is Glenn! Warmonkey 12:53, 29 February 2008 (UTC)

Orion Blastar, I'm afraid i didn't liek your altest edits. Here is why- Saying Glenn started as a rodeo clown is not true, since we alreayd said he started as an ass licking sex robot. Also it is a bit tagged on and random. Saying that he thinks we need more people in Gitmo is a bit obvious and not really very insightful. Finally, saying he wants million dead not thousands and talkng about deaths in iraq seems to be overly labouring the joke. It is funnier to finish on a snappy punch line like "good old fashioned nuke war". Thanks for the spelling corrections though. I dont want you to think me a jerk for taking those out, I am open to discussing it with you, possibly fitting them back in, but in a different way. Warmonkey 12:48, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

I'm just trying to make it funnier. Glenn keeps saying stuff like "But I'm a rodeo clown, so explain it to me" a lot to his guests. So I guess you kind of missed that humor. He does say over the top stuff like I had recently added. I am not sure why you don't think it is funny. You already wrote Glenn as being that over the top that he would actually like to see more prisoners in GITMO and more dead in Iraq. How many people die in a nuke war anyway? Millions, that is how many. All I was trying to do was make it more factual based on the sort of things that Glenn actually says or might say. You can read HTBFANJS to see that the sexual references and swear words are not always funny. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 03:08, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Sorry, I didn't know Glenn had actually refered to himself as a rodeo clown, I will add that back in, but I think it could be fitted in better. Let me have a try and see what you think. Millions dead in a nuclear war is true, but it just didn't seem that humourous. I think we can assume that the reader knows what would happen in a nuclear war and why it would be a bad thing without having it over explained. (Unless Glenn himself is reading, because as we alll know, he thinks nukes are good). The other things you added may be actual things Glenn supports (who am I kidding? Of course Glenn supports those kind of things!) they just seemed a bit unnecessary to the humour. There were already lots of quotes high lighting his dumb (and somewhat frightening) views. I dont think we need to list everything he believes (its basically just a list of everything Bush says but worded in an even more stupid way). We are better (in my view anyway) just using a few key stupid quotes of the most truely stupid, badly worded, moronic things he says, rather then trying to express all the crap he believes in one article. Personally I think we've alreayd expressed his stupidity pretty well in what we've written already. I dont really want to start adding more unless its really A-grade stuff. Now excuse me, I have to go and write about how a malfunctioning sex robot found work as a rodeo clown.Warmonkey 10:40, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Rodeo Clown referance is back in, but in a slightly more elaborate way. Hope you like it. By the way, I looked over your last post Orion and I hope you weren't offended that I didn't like osme of your latest stuff. I think a lot of your ideas have been awesome for this page. Frankly, I cant believe I managed to write a glenn beck page without mentioning liberal facists!Warmonkey 10:54, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

No problem, I am glad we could work things out. Sometimes I find things funny that most others don't find funny. But yeah I research the subjects of articles to find ways to make them funnier. I am glad we were able to agree on a few things. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 20:09, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

edit Awesome picture

Cspfloyd, I love that Glenn Beck picture! It is a another victory in the never ending war with liberal facism!Warmonkey 09:39, 13 April 2008 (UTC)

edit Video section

I converted the youtube links to embedded videos using Uncyclopedia wiki tags. Can we create a video section? I think the videos are funny, esp the Superdelegates one. Though even when he is series he appears to be funny and he is also funny when he tries to be funny. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 00:06, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

omg this article is starting to get crapppy again, see that pic below: --Andersmusician ACHTUNG 02:33, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
File:Minion of glenn beck.jpg
OK how can we make it less crappy? Move the videos to a subpage? Somehow real Glenn Beck quotes are funnier than the ones we make up. Glenn has his own sense of humor but if often offends most people and it is hard to tell when he is joking or not joking, plus he has anger issues and does not know how to resolve conflicts with callers on the phone. As was obviously stated most recently below in the other section about the "pinhead" lady using quotes from Michael Moore's movie "Sicko". --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 02:34, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

edit Overload

This article is really getting overloaded with some stale jokes and

Also, talk about the 9/12 project and his hypocrisy. Colbert did a little section about it. Here's a link to give you some ideas [1]

Finally, this... [2]

...speaks for itself. User:Blarg4/sig 18:47, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

edit GET OFF MY PHONE!

Might be an idea to develop a good joke on his latest outburst: [3] at 3:15 to 3:35. "GET OFF MY PHONE YOU LITTLE PINHEAD". 217.44.211.45 00:19, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Glenn lost his temper, but the woman was saying his family never got a serious illness and Glenn had colon surgery that he claims was botched and it made him suicidal and his daughter Mary has cerebral palsy Wikipedia:Glenn Beck according to Wikipedia. At that point in the phone call, he starts to get angry and it spirals out of control. So this lady didn't know his family history of illness, but that is no reason to go ballistic on her. If I was Glenn I would have stopped her and told her about his family having serious medial illnesses, but instead he just went sarcastic with her. If Stephen Colbert was taking this call, we'd walk the lady into a comedy buzzsaw and claim she was quoting 'Sicko' and etc and make a big joke out of it. But if he has logical arguments against it, why didn't he use them against this lady instead of calling her a pinhead? --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 02:30, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
Dunno. To be honest, I presented this little outburst not thinking I'd be debating the logical reasoning behind it; just thought Glenn Beck screaming in a high-pitched voice, "GET OFF MY PHONE!!", could be made into a joke for this article. 217.44.211.45 05:26, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
I wanted to list the reason why he said it. I think universal healthcare is an important thing, but Wikipedia:Sicko 'Sicko' may not be the best mockumentary to listen to if you read some of the news media criticisms on the Wikipedia page, and this woman was repeating the talking points of the movie verbatim without giving it any thought of her own, and Glenn just kept getting madder and madder at her until the "GET OFF MY PHONE" moment when he finally lost it with her. I don't agree with Glenn or that he got upset and told her to get off his phone, but I wanted to include why he got angry in this talk page including things like she said his family never had a serious illness and it has been well documented that his family has. But yeah if we include that small snippet of the transcript, we leave out everything else and then the article gets edited by Glenn Beck fans that we were unfair to him again. I just wanted to state in this talk page that we are trying to at least understand Glenn's logic and the reason he got upset, even if we don't include it in the article. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 10:48, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

edit Glenn Beck's fans respond

The writer of this article has absolutely no sensible education he simply watchs to much tv and believes everything thrown in his face he has no sense of humanity even though he probably calls himself a humanitarian or humanist. Socialism is the new fad that ignorance has breed thanks for making yourself out to be smart even though you know yourself to be remedial. READ YOUR CONSTITUTION AND YOU WILL SEE THE PROBLEM WITH WHAT IS GOING ON IN OUR COUNTRY! THANKS IMBECILES The preceding unsigned comment was added by Anonymous Neocon watcher of Fox New's Glenn Beck (talk • contribs)

Sorry Mr. Anonymous, but the US Constitution does not apply since George W. Bush passed the Patriot Act. But now that the Democrats are in power they have the super 60 majority to pass any bill they want to, unless the Blue Dog Democrats rebel, as they did in HR2300 the Health Care Bill. Welcome to Uncyclopedia we like to make up stuff here to be funny, this isn't Wikipedia and we don't always believe everything we write. Read HTBFANJS for more info, which is kind of our Uncyclopedia Constitution here. Socialism isn't really all that bad, but it comes with higher taxes and more benefits to the less fortunate. We already have Socialism with Social Security, Medicare, Medicade, Disability, and public radio and public TV, national parks, as well as student loans, the SBA (Small Business Administration) and many other programs. Because the USA is a Welfare Capitalism state (Socialist Capitalism or Communism without the Control Market aka Keynesian Economics). The USA has been this way for over fifty years now since the FDR administration and Wilson administration, etc had started it. But this is the change that a majority of US voters had voted for. So sit back and relax, in 2012 the Republicans can get a chance to be voted in and reverse all of the Socialism, etc. Or maybe they won't. Who knows, maybe the Democrats won't vote in any socialism at all. Glenn Beck is the Boy who cried Wolf, and Chicken Little all rolled into one, which is what makes him so entertaining to you, the viewer. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 00:30, September 15, 2009 (UTC)

edit Glenn Beck is a racist rapist?

Why can't people do funny articles about politically controversial people without the rapist/racist cards? I challenge you to do better without using the two words! The preceding unsigned comment was added by Luvvy (talk • contribs)

Well Mr. Beck accused President Obama of being a racist so the Liberal Blogs called Mr. Beck a racist. The rapist thing is a recycled Gilbert Godfrey joke that someone started on Fark.com and then someone makes a web page based upon it and calls it a parody and then wins an International WIPO lawsuit from Mr. Beck. So yeah those things stick from the liberal point of view. If you can write it funnier without the racist and rapist jokes, feel free to go ahead. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 22:21, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
So my edit summaries end up being used against me after reverting IPs these days, huh? O_o -- DameViktoria Heart_anim.gif Icons-flag-gb - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 10:32, 11 Nov
Not really, I thought it would make a good talk topic. Rather than see IP edit revert wars, I thought we could have a rational discussion about what direction this article should go in. All over the Internet they claim Mr. Beck is a racist and rapist, and I think it is an Internet MEME that has been used too much, and we should strive for something better than that. The only way to involve others, including anon IPs is to talk about it in the talk page. Most people ignore the comments in the edit summaries and reverts, so I copied yours to the talk page so we all can talk about it. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 02:55, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
The rapist thing is from this website joke, http://www.DidGlennBeckRapeAndMurderAYoungGirlIn1990.com/. Somebody did a whole joke about Glenn Beck saying that, using the logic from his TV show, Glenn Beck must have raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, as in 1990, some young girl was raped, and Glenn Beck also happened to be alive in 1990. You can find it now at http://www.gb1990.com/ Dsantesteban 16:29, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

edit How about a chalkboard section?

I'm not really knowledgable in programming, nor do I have the time to spare. But, if somebody is willing to, we should make a whole chalkboard section, just scribbling random conspiracies linking George Bush to Osama, or Obama to Rush Limbaugh, or Ann Coulter to Fidel Castro, or something like that. Dsantesteban 16:32, May 4, 2010 (UTC)


edit You just love him

You just love him. And you want to kiss him. You just....anyway, when I have a minutes I'll dig up the youtube section and put it here. It was a good repository of Beck craziness. As for deleting the page, just look at all these good comments on the talk page! Al 14:31 15-2-'13

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