Talk:Giant Jew Band
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|Humour:||8||I find the humour here almost a little too subtle to as funny as it could be, at the moment it's satirically bringing that smile across your face but I think bringing the humour out into the open more could turn that smile into some open mouthed laughter.
The opening section is right on cue and shouldn't be changed, it's not overly amusing but it's the opening, the getting you into the story, the bit you write first to get your idea on paper, so it doesn't need to be over the top funny. It's the section which grips your readers in and gets them to read on and you acheive this, good work old boy.
The first section is quite humouress, its rock n roll snippets added in, especially in the first section. I like how the story goes hand in hand with what all the rock n roll songs were written about in the 50's and 60's, the whole section has a very Buddy Holly feel, making this double plus good. Humourwise, still, it brought a smile to my face, I like the bit at the end with Nancy's suggestive lyrics, quite comical.
In the second section I think you can make Tesla's inventing of the electric guitar a little funnier, at the moment it's surreal and amusing but I think there's potential there to use some clever sattire, I think it would make the first paragraph go well with the second paragraph (which should stay as is).
Third section is very good and should not be changed.
The next section, although the ARE YOU READY? is quite funny, it's more of an Aersosmith trait (I remember from when I saw Aerosmith in '94) than that of Rock n Roll. But hell it's funny so might as well keep it in. I think to make it a little bit more humourous, the audience could, in the end, join in with the dancing, old grannies shaking their fake hips and such rather than being stood shocked for the duration, they should catch on if they're going to be so famous.
The last section, is very amusing but I think you should go into a little more depth about this mysterious drowning... Just because I wan't to know. The Giant Jew lyrics? Brilliant!
|Concept:||9||Concept is original and a good idea, it is also carried out very well but as I said originally in the humour section, it could be brought out just that little more to bring on laughter rather than grins though, still its very well written so 9 it is.|
|Prose and formatting:||9||Not many issues with this, just one line. "Not many people still remember the group, but Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly and all of the other 1950s Rock 'pioneers' can and do trace their roots right back to these Jewboys." This is their story." I just think the sentence runs on too long and I keep misreading right after 'pioneers', I think it just needs to be reworded to flow a bit better.|
|Images:||7||Well, you're already aware of my opinion on the big images, I've re-read this article 4 times to write this review, and because it deserves a re-read. I don't think the giant images fit in that well at all, I get what you're doing, and it makes sense but it's not as funny as I think you were trying to acheive, but hey thats just my opinion so I've not marked you down for that.
The second image of Ben Simmons in the army, I don't think it has much relevance, could this be changed to some cooky electric guitar that Dr. Tesla invented? I just don't think a shot of him fighting in the 1898 war is really all that relevent to the article at all.
The image I really like, the large one of the band, all in fake beards including Nancy. Brilliant photo, although I'd like it smaller, don't get rid of it, it makes the article somewhat.
|Miscellaneous:||10||It's got that something which deserves a 10.|
|Final Score:||43||This should be featured with a couple of tweaks, I'll nominate this.|
|Reviewer:||Reviewed by me. —The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 14:01, April 16, 2010 (UTC)|