From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Geologists and Time: While geologists may have some difficulty in understanding such small quanta of time as centuries and decades, leading to rubbery stretching of fixed points in time such as "deadlines" and "anniversaries", and especially "closing time", they do have a keen appreciation for the rate of times' passing, often describing glaciers as "galloping across the country side", and ancient civilisations as "that recent crap on top". Archaeology is the study of "rubbish in the dirt", best cleared with a D9 to get to the really interesting stuff underneath. Many geologists will lament of a lush grassy field that "this place could use a good glaciation", and are quite prepared to wait for it. A decent nappe for a geologist will take 100 million years or so.
As a geologist, currently sitting in the middle of Siberia, I am preparing an expedition to explore a rumor based local source of draft beer. I am now arguing with the Engine-Ears about what quantity which will be required. I say minimum 15 liters based on vague "big picture" calculations (since we have 3 empty 5 liter water bottles sitting in the office). The Engine-Ears have calculated 10 liters would be sufficient..............does that make any sense to anybody?
"As a geologist...." Ha! Clearly another Geographer trying hard to sound cool and impressive!! Any geologist worth his or her halite would clearly understand that when in Siberia you don't mess around friend! Bathtub Vodka! Do I have to say it again! Sure, you may go blind, but life is full of risk vs reward. 15 litres of beer..... pppfffttttt........ nice try!
Now, I knew that they obsessed about rocks, but I never knew that they studied poor social skills as well. You learn all sorts here don't ya?
We are not only obsessed with rocks, but as the article clearly states, alcohol....maybe that contributes to our poor social skills.
"A flying rock . . . call a geologist" - Homer Simpson
Who took all the stuff out about Petroleum Geologists? That was the funniest part of the entire article. Can't anyone take a joke??
It wasn't funny at all, actually. Just bragging about how much money you make. And it was clear that the writer had never read anything written in the UK. Who is tony?
My pet cummingtonite, 'Stanley', says you're all BAD PEOPLE!!! Now where did i put that scotch...??
Poor social skills??? Maybe geologists are just better at determining who is worth talking too, and who they would be losing valuable beer drinking minutes of their lives to listen to. I mean, lets be serious. My rock collection weighs less, is prettier, and has more personality than the average American. Wait.....does being drunk and surly most of the time count as poor social skills???184.108.40.206 22:48, 4 January 2007 (UTC)
I think the best part about being a geologist is that you're expected to be an alcoholic. Like last week when I was almost cut off at the bar for displaying those famous social skills we all have, I simply turned to the bartender and said, "HEY! I'm the geologist here, not YOU" and they all nodded, shrugged their shoulders and bought me another round! Or is it that I'm one of those hot field geologist that made its way back into society for just a moment.... who knows?
Not only expected to be an alcoholic, it is absolutely essential to progress in the profession! Many people fail to realise that it isn't the end of year exam results that dictate advancement through the college degree - those can be stretched via standardisation to get the true initiates through to the next year, or weed out the undesirables. No! It is your ability to drink all night every night at field camp and still keep the colouring between the lines the next day in the seering sun/sleeting rain/flying snow etc. The lecturers know this, but not many students do. Only those that return from 3 weeks of sustained and seriously advanced drinking with legible maps, intact livers and the dates for the next camp reserved at the wholesale liquor outlet are allowed to advance to the next year. Having grown a beard in the process is always an advantage but only attempt this if capable of producing results, as half hearted attempts will get negative marks that are only redeemable if you shave your head on the last night, with bonus marks awarded if done by firelight while skulling Johnny Walker Blue Label from the bottle.
Having dealt with the breed for over 26 years the best definition I've found is "extremely well educated campers".--220.127.116.11 17:52, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
Re: Geologists in Movies. At a point in my career when I had a contract with the neighbor's kid to water my plants whenever I was away....and I was away a lot....he asked before one trip what it was I did. Telling him I was Geologist first got a blank stare. Then he brighten...."oh, yeah" he said, "those are the guys who always die in the science fiction movies." 18.104.22.168 16:03, 22 August 2007 (UTC)
One important aspect of the Geologists in the Movies" section that should definitely get a mention is that no matter the scenario (Volcanoes going off, earthquakes shattering quaint Californian streets, drilling to the centre of the earth to detonate 4 tiny explosions to restart gigallions of cubic kilometres of liquid iron-nickel metal, etc...) the Golden Rule is - whoever disagrees with the Geologist dies, most likely painfully, most definitely falling victim to the exact risk the geologist tried to worn them, and the populace at large, about. True story.
I just went and looked in my closet. Fifty-two pairs of hiking boots, six of regular shoes. (This is true and I really am a woman geologist.)
The photograph is manifestly not of a Geologist, although he is standing in a field. The article clearly elucidates the various physical attributes of a Geologist, and the person in that photo displays none of them: no facial hair, no ponytail, no hand lens on a string; clean shirt, no beer, no rock hammer, no rocks. A real geologist would not be caught dead, much less photographed, in a field bereft of rocks or at least glacial features. This is obviously, therefore, a Geographer attempting to impersonate a Geologist! I'm surprised you people fell for it. Geographers are constantly doing this, usually to get free beer but occasionally trying to get laid.
I really wish that someone would write about field camp. It's one of the greatest experiences that comes with being a geologist and there is a lot of stuff that goes down on a six-week long field camp.
OK, here's a bit about field camps: you spend all day looking at rocks and stuff so you can supposedly make colored maps of them, but the real reason is the evenings, when you can drink beer and talk about stuff, like how such and such is the world's largest laccolith, you know, and what kind of beer makes the best punch at Christmas, important stuff like that. And that's field camp, very cool.
more coloured pencils please.
Is it illegal to do airdrops of alcohol?
This is great
I go to an AA meeting and was surprised to find that their are 6 Geologists among my group - we all had a great laugh!
Required reading for friends & family
Fucking brilliant! I'm sending this to my entire family, it explains so much. Missing from the "How to Spot a Geologist" list: When the baggage handler jokingly asks, "What have you got in here, rocks?" you giggle nervously and blush. Also of interest: I believe the weight limit is 50kg for luggage, so you can cram quite a number of specimens in there!
- Gees, I can't believe it! IT actually happened to me! (and yes, of course, there were LOT of rocks in the bag).
I don't know who you are, but this piece is awfully good. I am one of them and wow, that's me... and of course I laughed my butt off. Be serious for a moment: the author(s) is an insider, true? Tell me please!
Of course he/she is, who else could write like that while they're drunk but a genuine geologist?
As I write this, I am sitting on a drilling rig, yes I am a geologist too. Mudlogger extraordinary actually, owning my own service gig. How true "most" of this is. Everything about the alcohol is understated though. I had 2 doubles before I came out to work. Disclaimer: I was told by my relief that they were not doing anything at the rig tonight. FALSE!!! I get here and they are circulating (moving drilling fluids called "mud" up and down the hole). Being that this as a "hot" well, geothermal that is, I am fortunate to be here before anything happens, which nothing did, and that is usually the story. Anyway, thanks for the truths as they appear!
I just wanted to mention that not all Geologists are complete drunkards... but we do like our liquor. What other science whose field trips involve stopping at the liquor store and trips to the bar. Even the profs will partake in several doses of alcohol.
PS hungover hiking in mountains could only be fun to a geologist.
Anytime I go to Home Depot I make a comment about the so-called "granite" countertops and how they are not really granites in the strictest definition of the term. :)
Yeah, I've been asked about why my bag is so heavy (due to rocks). LOL. My parents like to tease me over it
My fiance (a non-geologist) can't figure out why I love rocks so much. His eyes just glaze over when I start talking about anything to do with rocks and geology.
I love working with rocks. :) Rocks are my friends.
I dream about rocks. I live in the SE Utah desert and have actually seen backroad signs that say "No rockhounding while driving." To be more accurate, they should say, "No geologizing while driving," or, "No rockhounding while geologizing," or, "No geologizing while rockhounding," or, better yet, "Geologists will be shot on sight" or, "Geologists will be drunk on site," or something like that...
A lot of the information about geolgists on this site is cute and intertaining,but little addresses the science done in the geologic profession. Let's get serious!
We're perfectly serious about the science. It takes a great deal of precision and research to correctly graph and select the perfect alcohol content vs volume vs packability for those tight helicopter flights into camp!
Yes, why in the double-hockeysticks would a geologist be serious about anything except beer and rocks? Whattya think we are, a bunch of overly-sensitive geographer types?
It's scary to see how many of those "someone who..." descriptions fit myself... Although I consider myself a geographer (!)
If you consider yourself a geographer and you also think you fit the geologist descriptions...well, mate, you have a disorder known as cognitive dissonance. It would be easily cured if you'd just loosen up a bit and go back and get that geology degree. Your other option is to get some serious counseling. OK, OK, you all know I'm just funnin' ya. As long as you have a good tent and some good beer, we'll accept you to the party, you're close enough to the real deal, and geologists aren't known for giving a rip anyway.
how 'bout it not really being just a quick walk around the block unless you've got at least 20lbs of something in your pack.
Pete = Legend
This article is just so so funny. Especially because (the absolute legend that is) Pete Kokelaar has been my Volcanics lecturer for the last three years :-)
And I am proud to wear my hand lens on a string with my compass clino, hammer and GPS hanging from my bum bag packed full of coloured pencils :-D