Talk:Gavrilo Princip

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edit From Pee Review

I just wrote this. I like the idea of it but I think it has too many facts. What could I do to make it funnier? "--The Ice Cream Man".

Alright, I edited it a bit. is till wanted it to follow about what he actually did while still tyring to be funny. I'll look for some more images. "--The Ice Cream Man, 9:46 PM US EST"

Humour: 4 I didn't find your article very funny, but that's just me. You really had me laughing during the opening paragraph, but the rest of the article seemed to be TOO FACTUAL. It almost sounds like you copy/pasted from a history website and changed words around. This is UNcyclopedia, a place where it's okay to be stupid.
Concept: 7 The concept is 'alright'. The fact that it's not a very funny concept may have led to the lack in humor.
Prose and formatting: 7 It's well put together, but, there were a few times where your diction and format sounded too basic or confusing. Here's something to change: "The band rode by without any other attempts. All the other members missed their chance, or passed it up willingly. Afterwards they all met. Angry at the fact that they failed, Princip decided to go get a sandwich. He walked over to the deli." This paragraph was by far the worst one.
Images: 2 Only one image, but it is slightly humorous though. Maybe a few well-thought-out images will bring this article back to life.
Miscellaneous: 3 Not very impressive at all. Lacks appeal in all areas.
Final Score: 23 Well, it's safe to say this article needs alot of work. The article it self was too factual sounding. It resembles some type of Gavrilo Princip biography, but with one-line quips thrown in. Example: "Princip was born in the village of Obljaj, near Bosansko Grahovo, Bosnia and Herzegovina the son of a postman. (Gee, I wonder where he got his murderous tendencies...) His parents, Petar and Marija, had nine children, five sons and four daughters, six of whom died in infancy. His health was poor from an early age. He contracted tuberculosis when he was a teenager, which led to his death in 1918. That he was already dying from this disease may have added to his willingness to undergo such a brazen assassination attempt as his one on Alex Kapranos. His impoverished parents could not afford to feed him and sent him to live with an abusive old lady in Sarajevo where they had many adventures involving time travel." The only funny things in this paragraph are the quip in parenthesis and the 'adventures involving time travel'. Try to stop basing your article on factual sounding history regarding Princip. Instead, rewrite your OWN biography in which Princip is totally goofy or has a wierd lifestyle. That would be funny. A good article to look at would be the overly quoted Oscar Wilde article. Oscar Wilde is a real person, but this article makes him look really goofy. Compare the UNCYCLOPEDIA article about Oscar, to the WIKIPEDIA article about Oscar and note the differences. This could really help you write your biography about Princip.
Reviewer: Sorry for the bad review. I'm not trying to offend you, I'm just trying to help. --Blahshoe 05:08, 2 February 2007 (UTC)


edit From Pee Review 2

An article on the man whose actions were the leading cause of World War 1.

Humour: 9 Rather funny, all in all
Concept: 8 A fairly original and overall pretty good concept.
Prose and formatting: 7 Could use some more links and smaller paragraphs.
Images: 3 A funny image caption, but it could use more images
Miscellaneous: 8 Rather good with the bad cyanide occurring several times, and pretty funny footnotes too.
Final Score: 35 Pretty funny, but it could be improved.
Reviewer: The fatgoat Talk (to me, obviously) The Crap I've Done


edit From Pee Review.. number 3 ?

I've submitted this a couple times before. I've touched it up a bit and I'm looking for another review. Gavrilo Princip was the assassin responsible for the death of Franz Ferdinand, sparking World War I. When revieing could you comment about whether or not you think it could be featured?

Humour: 7 Yay for intelligent humor. God, I'm getting so sick of "idiotic boob job has sex with retarded cow"-type jokes.
Concept: 9 Though the thought on everyone's mind when learning about WWI is the fact that Franz Ferdinand is more popular now than he was then, you actually did it. Good stuff.
Prose and formatting: 5 I would say that it is lacking most here. Bit spotty, and the style changes dramatically halfway through the story (ie: when it says "Five minutes of ads" or something like that"). Fix that, make it more uniform.
Images: 5 Whatever, images have never been my bag. If I were a stickler, I would've given you less, as it is the only thing keeping me at five is the crappy photoshop in the middle.
Miscellaneous: 7 Feature worthy if you fix up what I said up there. Particularly the prose, inasmuch as I don't give a damn about images.
Final Score: 33 So good work, comrade. Cheerio.
Reviewer: Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 02:00, 23 April 2007 (UTC)
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