From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
sorry Cajek! Didn't see it was yours...14:26, 3 March 2008 (UTC)
- Ooh, that means that it sucks, doesn't it? Left a msg on your talk • <-> Mar 3 (14:28)
edit Pee Review
|Humour:||8||Note 1. First quote elicited a smile. The “, respectively” afterthought reinforced the obviousness of Captain Obvious. Second quote elicited a smirk.
Note 2. “A Floor (Flüré) is an integral part of our everyday lives.” I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh. I think it’s the idea of a person reading through the article saying Flüré and ending up exhausted. Flüré, Flüré, Flüré. Gets tiring pretty quickly.
Note 3. “Far more important than crummy ceilings, Floors are what makes the world go 'round.” Excellent. The immediacy and unexpectedness and the wounded tone employed elicited a smile.
Note 4. “Originally a Mongolian word for "Floor", Floors are what make life itself possible.” Elicited a smile. The absurdity is most welcome.
Note 5. “Without Floors, not only would your feet be very lonely, they would also just be floating all willy-nilly in space and so forth”. Very clever. Mind tripping imagery delivered in a silly/matter o‘ fact tone.
Note 6. “Unlike the egotistical ceilings, Floors are totally okay with being walked on, according to several very credible sources.” The idea of animosity between floors and ceilings existing since time immemorial and our blissful ignorance of such animosity is absolutely fun. This line firmly establishes Floors as the injured party and the far more agreeable party. Unless one plans on expanding/identifying the credible sources, one may cut out “according to several very credible sources.” with no loss to the strength of the article.
Note 7. "Swiffer Dusters and other popular cleaning utensils were created specifically for use on Floors. If Floors did not exist, not only would Swiffer Dusters not be as popular, but dust would have to collect elsewhere." Clever: but did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 8. “Some radical pro-ceiling activists claim that if there were no Floors, ceilings would stop humans from floating away randomly, but recent studies suggest that ceilings are just Floors upside down. Also, recent studies suggest that "ceiling" is a really funny word to see written over and over again, but that Floors are too big a man to say anything about it.” As one was reading the developing thought, one was expecting a corresponding rebuttal on Floors being just Ceilings upside down. Also on top of that, one realized that the first clause “Some radical pro-ceiling activists claim that if there were no Floors, ceilings would stop humans from floating away randomly,” and the subsequent clause “but recent studies suggest that ceilings are just Floors upside down.” did not make any sense: what was the relationship between those two clauses? Was the second clause supposed to refute the position of the first clause? This paragraph suggests the article’s intention to distract the reader with absurdity. It worked. After a few double takes, one realizes that the paragraph is essentially a contained entity of loosely connected bursts of absurdity. The paragraph elicited only recognition and appreciation.
Note 9. "Floors are not just a happy place to walk, sleep, and dream: Floors have a very tragic history. Filled with intrigue, crushed hopes, failures, and misunderstandings, the history of floors is one that is extremely interesting to tell, especially considering the fact that most serious articles regarding floors have completely forgotten the story." Good. The line employs bathos. Elicited recognition. However, “the history of floors is one that is extremely interesting to tell, especially considering the fact that most serious articles regarding floors have completely forgotten the story.” elicited a smile. Very clever.
Note 10. “Floors have not always been around, bizarrely enough. When the only things in the universe were nebulous gas and angels, floors were deemed "not yet necessary" by God/Gods. Some insane pro-ceiling activists claim that this proves ceilings were there first, but "heaven" is not really a ceiling: it's more like a roof.” Clever ontological discussion: but elicited only appreciation. Just one question: Why is heaven more like a roof? Please explain.
Note 11. “Thus have the gods spun the thread for wretched mortals: that they live in grief while they themselves are without cares; for two jars stand on the floor of Zeus of the gifts which he gives, one of evils and another of blessings.” Elicited a laugh. Interestingly, the strength of this article depends on the incredible weakness of connection to the quote’s context. It’s so silly and unexpected. Kudos.
Note 12. "When Floors were finally brought onto the scene, they were witness to many incredible stories. If only we could mop up history and see what would come off, we would understand Floors that much more. Caesar's blood, Marie Antoinette's head, and Bill Clinton's hot, naked body are all some of the things we would see in the bucket of history." Very good. Paragraph witnesses the Rule of Three and corresponding ever-increasingly absurd examples. May one suggest substituting some other example in lieu of Clinton’s hot body (it’s fine as is but one can’t help wondering whether there is some more vivid inspiration in history). The imagery of mopping and a bucket also cleverly reinforce the concept. However, the paragraph elicited only appreciation.
Note 13. “Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn't hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.” Absolutely excellent. Elicited lols. The connection between subject and quote’s context is just so ridiculously weak. The italics help make the connection all the more tenuous. Seriously, very, very good.
Note 14. “If only we would listen to Floors, their story would become clear to us. Instead of trying to obsessively clean Floors, humans should accept Floors as they are, and aim their brooms at more worthy targets, such as the pompous ceilings.” Very clever. Line reinforces the antagonism between Ceilings and Floors. Also, the paragraph wryly suggests we clean ceilings which irony of ironies are the more deserving (inherently dirty). Elicited a smirk.
Note 15. “Floors have been around longer than nearly anything that can sit atop them, such as lamps, Persian rugs, and cats. In fact, they have probably been around far longer than those items.” Clever but only elicited recognition.
Note 16. “The personality of Floors is complex, worthy of not only living beings (cats, dogs, rats, hairless rats, rodents, cockroaches, roaches, fleas, etc.) but of non-living beings as well (lamps, lights, stands, tables, etc.). Floors are good natured, and don't mind humans scuffing them up or dirtying them. Unlike the pompous, greater-than-thou ceilings, Floors beg to be walked upon.” Fine. Elicited recognition. Umps of Floors’ standing in the reader’s book several notches up.
Note 17. "Floors are a subject of not only debate, but much conjecture. What makes a Floor a Floor? Why clean Floors? Why are Floors not fully appreciated? Scientists have concluded that these questions are too important to wrestle with, and therefore leave them to the philosophers." Very fun direction to pursue. One may take out “Scientists have concluded that these questions are too important to wrestle with, and therefore leave them to the philosophers." with no loss to the strength of the article. In lieu of such an omission may one suggest expanding the list of questions. They are quite provocative.
Note 18. “They are so damn 'intellectual' and rotten that I can't stand them anymore....I [would] rather sit on the floor in the market of Toluca and sell tortillas, than have anything to do with those 'artistic' bitches of Paris.” I don’t know why, but this quote elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 19. “Many artists, from Madonna to Cyndi Lauper have brought floors into our homes in the form of music. Songs about floors, while rare, offer us an insight into floors and their artistic dimensions. From recording studios in the present to town squares 20 years ago, floors in music have influenced pop culture.” Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols. May one suggest elaboration.
Note 20. “In art, floors are a constant reminder of man's inhumanity to man. Floors in art tell us to look deep inside ourselves to find inner peace. Floors bring us back to Earth, not only in real life, but in art hanging in big expensive museums as well.” Good. Sort of poetic in its modern new age guruness. Elicited recognition.
Note 21. “Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an over- dose of flouride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center.” Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols. It may be too absurd. Also, the simile “five-hundred pound barbell in a steroid-free fitness center.”, while clever, took several reads to fully comprehend. The whole quote feels convoluted.
Note 22. “Most humans consider Floors to be inanimate objects, devoid of feelings. However, this is not the case. Floors are far more bitter than they let on. With their only view being the smug, asshole-ish ceilings,” Excellent. The last line witnesses the capitulation of the article’s reserved tone to a more latent and (since the article’s beginning) ever-increasingly bubbling bile. The proverbial gloves are off. Elicited a laugh.
Note 23. “Floors are made only more and more bitter over the centuries. For far too long, floors have been under the "thumb" of ceilings. One day, if humans don't do something about this, they may find that Floors will no longer be around to be walked on (no pun intended).” Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 24. "Humans, secure in their dreamworld, don't realize how important Floors are. Floors will show them. Humans and ceilings don't realize how important floors are mainly because Floors have failed to take a stand, as it were. Floors have been biding their time, waiting for their arsenal to grow. For the time being, however, Floors are comfortable being humans' assistants in their day-to-day lives." Ends on an ominous note. However, the pargraph did not elicit and smirks, smiles, or lols.
|Concept:||9||The concept is just brilliant. Absolutely silly and tickling. The article takes a basic premise “Floors are walked on” and pursues it to its most far-flung consummate conclusion: that floors are involved in a bitter struggle for relevancy in a universe where the only view comprises behinds and “smug, asshole-ish ceilings”|
|Prose and formatting:||6||The article employed non-threatening and normal English prose. Easy on the eyes. The formatting needs some work done.|
|Images:||7||The image is fine. The captioning elicited a laugh.|
|Miscellaneous:||7.5||Averaged. Note: One just realized the lowercase of ceiling throughout the article opposite to Floor’s constant uppercasing. Reinforces the implied betterness/bittnerness of Floors. Subtle and clever!|
|Final Score:||37.5||The concept is brilliant. Some of the prose is particularly tickling. And the article exhibits robust imaginative calisthenics. Not VFH quality yet. Just a little more reflection and a bit more refinement in execution. May one suggest taking one's floor out for a date? A night about town should get those creative juices flowing. Godspeed.|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 07:07, 26 March 2008 (UTC)|