Talk:Final Fantasy VII
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|Humour:||7.5||First off: Curse your no edit sections! I am much less likely to fix minor mistakes in your article because of that so..don't make any. (Also, no joke, my FF7 PC discs are like...5 feet away from my desk. Creepy.)
Ok. Obviously the whole "video game as classic play" is amusing and I really like that direction. However, in the first two sections of your article there aren't very many outright jokes, just allusions to the concept that you've already established. You do hit your stride in the character section, but I wanted to see more jokes like that in the first two sections. One place where this is especially obvious is when you talk about the conversion to discs from the cartridges. The joke about calligraphers being able to write large amounts of data on the discs just seems forced to me. I'm not really sure of a better way to phrase what you want to say other than "Discs incorporated new calligraphy techniques so fewer strokes were needed to write the same amount of dialogue and stage directions" or something. There were a couple jokes I really enjoyed in the first few sections including the thing about the stage getting covered with dust and the actors having to blow it off. However, these jokes aren't really related to the subject very much. I think you should trim down the development section a bit to make the article get back on track a bit faster. I do like the incorporation of materia in the style section, and how you talk about naming the characters different things. Very funny.
Now onto the character section. Like I said before, you really hit your stride here. Anti-gravity hair, giant sword, huge boobs, gun hand, erotic fan-fiction. I think you covered everything that I can think of. I also like how it's implied that Cloud's haunted by visions of him and Tifa. Even if you didn't mean that, keep it. If you can think of more funny things, for the supporting characters, to say about how they are played in the play then I think you should. The mental image of a man in a dog suit delivering lines is pretty hilarious.
Although the last two sections aren't 100% hilarious, they definitely get the job done. More references to the game as a play, nice. I like the addition of an actual play in the final section, very funny. Nothing more I can really say here, you delivered what you promised.
|Concept:||8.5||Your concept is really solid. I really like the video game as a kabuki play thing, although, as I've said before, it sometimes feels forced. However, the parts where it feels forced are few, and mostly in that first section. The parts where it works are much more numerous and are absolutely hilarious. I've always wondered how Cloud keeps his hair like that.. You also keep remarkably consistent throughout the entire article, almost creepily so. You could have a little more detail on things such as how items work in the play and how why only 3 characters can fight at the same time. Other than that, you pretty much covered everything already. I think you've got this concept down.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||I'll highlight a few things I saw.
Formatting for this article is good. You used quiet a few pictures compared to the amount of text, but you placed them well so they don't seem too crowded. Although, on smaller screens than mine the development section might look a tad squished where the pictures are on both sides of the screen. You have a decent number of links in your article, but I think you could add about 25% more. You have good line breaks and you change it up so they're not all the same size or length. The only spot where I think you could put one more is the first paragraph of "reception" where the first paragraph is very long followed by two very short ones. It looks a bit odd. Nothing else I can see right now, get fixin'!
|Images:||8||I don't really like doing images out of order but the cartridge image looks odd. Sonje did a wonderful job on the shop, but I think she picked the wrong image to start with. You can't really see the top or bottom of the cartridge which makes the image look very strange. I think using something like this could help, but it's up to you whether you want to ask Sonje to change it or not. (I hear she's very feisty.)
Now back to the beginning, your first image is ok, not really funny, but the caption is a bit confusing. I think you could also take out the "Playstation" bar at the bottom so there isn't a random black bar in you article, and then make the entire image bigger. Second image is pretty much perfect for what you're talking about, if you can find an English one though, it'd be a bit better. Caption is good, only change it if you happen to think of something better. 3rd I already talked about...Fourth, great image, great caption, could maybe make it a tiny bit bigger, but not that big of a deal. Fifth, good, also illustrates the mistranslation thing well. All the pics for the characters section are good. And the last two pics are pretty much perfect for those sections. Good job overall.
|Miscellaneous:||7.5||Overall "feel" of the article.|
|Final Score:||38.5||Great article. I look forward to seeing it on VFH after a little bit more work.|