Talk:Everything is great
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xD @ 16:19 Aug 1
- OH NO, HE'S GOT A BOMB! LOOKOUT!! -
16:20, Aug 1
- Wait, what? OH SHIT I'VE GOT A BOMB! AAAAAUUUGH!! @ 16:23 Aug 1
I'll nom this if you give me the OK. @ 20:19 Aug 1
- I did this:
|Humour:||7.5||Sarcastic humour eh? Dam this is tricky to pull off. Don't forget you are talking to an Englishman here. Not that you could I'm sure! Any way, oh, this is meant to be a "quick" review, so I will try to get to the point...
Well, I did not laugh out loud. I did not really giggle. A smile started to come to my face after reading the Everything is great in the Middle East section... I felt that the previous sections dragged on a bit. To me it was more a lesson in history rather than being that funny.
I think you should write this purely from an American perspective. Forget about talking about the Greeks, the Persians or the Romans, this is propaganda made by the American Government right? What do they care about Michelangelo, Galileo and Shakespeare? To me the non American stuff did not really work, and I think it would be better if you concentrated on the kind of things what an American leader would want people to think. What about the native Americans? How great is it for them to be be invaded and end up living on a reservation.
If you mention the rest of the world, do it from a the point of view of a narrow minded American.
I think you forgot to say how great it is for the Gays also... You might have read (whore) Battle of the Sexes was my comment about Sexual equality, and The Colour Problem was where I did Race. Gay might give you a few ideas also.
|Concept:||8||Tis a good idea. I understand why you have written this considering current bollocks... ;-) Everything is great! Except the humour levels! They are just OK...|
|Prose and formatting:||8.5||Like I'm going to criticises here. I tried to fix that think with the text, but the "br" thing appears to not be working. Put your screen into some different resolutions, and make sure it looks good in all of them. Maybe a "see also" section is required...|
|Images:||7.75||I liked the picture of the girl. Not just for the obvious reasons. The caption is funny.
"If you're not at least this happy, you're doing something wrong." is OK, not awesome, but it's probably the right idea. Maybe a better pic using the same idea. A smiling monkey maybe?
"An image of the Middle East, where everything is great." -Nice.
"Earth: Greatness capitol of the world." did not really get that one..
|Final Score:||39.65||Well, I struggle to do a "quick pee". Hope it helps! Basically, I would trim the first half back (that went on a bit) and maybe mention Gays, sexual equality, and perhaps even consider globalisation and monopolies (how the small companies get screwed by the large ones)... It's a "good" score, the problem is the humour value. It's really just the same repeating sarcastic joke, and as it is, I think it might struggle on VFH, but who knows... If you trim it back, generally making it more concise it would be a more enjoyable read. My final tip... You got to be MORE SARCASTIC dude... Start of being slightly sarcastic, and build it up gradually through the article. Deal with more and more sensitive issues as you go, getting progressively more sarcastic towards the end. Cos now this is really funny. See? Sarcastic eh? I await my ban...|
|Reviewer:||MrN 18:43, Aug 1|
- Yeah, gimme a few days to work this through a bit, see what I can do... and we'll see what happens! -
02:26, Aug 2
- I added some stuff and removed a couple paragraphs...better, do you think? - 03:50, Aug 2