Talk:Erwin Rommel

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I hoped I improved upon This article.

Who? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 18:51, May 27, 2013 (UTC)

edit Pee Review

Humour: 4 *The jokes in the intro fall flat and are too widely spaced. Rommel being given a stick could be funny but in the way you have written it I almost missed the joke.
  • Why is he the most skilled chef of the North African Campaign. You have no explanation to the joke. An example of how to back up that joke would be: "He led the 15th Light Crockery division making him the greatest chef in the whole of the Desert War."
  • I know Rommel's nickname however this doesn't make me laugh: "Rommel is regarded as having been a fox and a desert at the same time." It is an absurd thing to say he is a desert but you need justification of the joke to make it funny.
Concept: 8 *You know a lot about Rommel and you stick close to the truth so that it sounds encyclopedic however the jokes are too subtle for my liking. If a joke is subtle it has to be clever but I'm afraid the majority of you r jokes aren't clever.
Prose and formatting: 5 *Break up the intro into paragraphs so that it is easier to read.
  • You are missing commas in various places. It needs a proofread.
  • Lots of links don't go anywhere. (Coloured red).
  • Also add it to some categories.
Images: 6 *The first two images are fine but their captions are awful.
  • The last two images are good but there shouldn't be a picture of Rommel looking completely different in each image.
Miscellaneous: 5.8 Average Score
Final Score: 28.8 A good attempt for a first or second article. You have got the right idea of sticking close to the truth and being encyclopedic so thr parody is there. You need to improve on your humour a lot though. I know a lot about Rommel myself and I appreciate it is a hard topic to make funny. Major improvement work.
Reviewer: Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 05:39, May 28, 2013 (UTC)
Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 12:14, May 29, 2013 (UTC)
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