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edit From Pee Review
So it's been whopped with the "ugly" stick. I guess I need help formatting the text fields and pics. I hate to lose the pics because of the captions - especially Jim "Chunky" Ogle checks the timing belt. So anyhows, let's hear the OMGn00bzorLURK MOAR or whatever it is you guys do here, rite ? Thanks, love you, buhbye -- Boomaga 18:52, 25 January 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||In the main the humor content is good. It tends a little toward the random -- as in the "Dolly Will Blind You with Science" list -- but overall the piece is coherent and sticks to its main thesis well.|
|Concept:||7||Well, this concept could be misused but in this case it works fine. It's not an obvious joke -- the obvious "Dollywood" joke would play on "Hollywood" and probably be a candidate for a Captain Obvious smiting -- and so that's good.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Nicely written. See endnotes.|
|Images:||6||It's seldom that one feels there are too many pictures! Usually the problem is not enough. But these make the piece look kind of busy. I might suggest "Dollywood under construction" and perhaps "Guard tower" could go.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||I liked this well enough -- didn't think I would, but it surprised me with its inventiveness and whimsy.|
|Reviewer:||----OEJ 12:41, 26 January 2007 (UTC)|
On style: I might be inclined to cut up some of the longer sentences. For example:
- Dollywood is the Department of Defense's strategic command and research center constructed by the Army Corps of Engineers beginning in 1942 as part of the Manhattan Project, and housed in a mountain stronghold guarded by dwarfs with axes.
That's quite long. I might be inclined to make two or even three shorter sentences out of it.
On content: You might consider "concreting in" some of the humor by offering specific, concrete details. For example, the article says:
- Like the CIA's Langley, VA corporate offices, Dollywood maintains a family amusement park and openly advertises its location, causing endless confusion to spies and terrorists.
You could add specific instances of confusion:
- In 1998 Al Qaeda operative Mahoud ibn Wahari tried to get into Dollywood but ended up spending 36 hours on the Wilde Ride rollercoaster instead. He could not hold food down for weeks afterward. And during the Cold War a whole team of KGB spies got stuck at the top of the the giant Ferris wheel. Khrushchev nearly started WWIII in 1959 when a Russian envoy visiting the trapped agents was denied mustard for his corndog.
Well, anyway, you are inventive enough to think up your own incidents. My only point is that sometimes injecting specific characters and incidents can add some versimilitude and the opportunity for different jokes.
Nice job. I will not say OMG n00b BAK2HELL W/U! or anything like that. Instead, I welcome you to Uncyc: new writtars of your calibre are certainly wanted. I'm impressed. ----OEJ 12:43, 26 January 2007 (UTC)