Talk:Did I really move to LA?
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- Most certainly! I totally didn't even look that far.. I was just feeding off of the laughs I got from Why am I in Canada? Low attention span much? WHY'D :) --THINKER 14:47, 23 April 2007 (UTC)
edit Possible images
Here's a couple of pictures I got from Wikipedia that you might work in. Somehow the street sweeping machine seems to fit, maybe as a metaphor for "cleaning up the streets." The other is a fake air vent from the Wikipedia article Street Art. Could almost pass as speakers.
I can see you've already made improvements. I loved Mystique, Cherry and Kitten.Rogpyvbc 00:57, 1 May 2007 (UTC)
- Hey, thanks!! I'll definitely use the street art.
- The ending by the way is such a dramatic leap (ie. LA to 6 drug-filled years later) as a slight homage to Easy Rider...actually its almost more of an homage to the featurette included on the Easy Rider DVD in which Peter Fonda talks about the abrupt 180 the film does in the last 10 minutes. He says something like: "Here these guys are, they're saying they've blown it, but you didn't see it. You're thinkin' like 'hey, wasn't I just watching everything unfold with these guys? What the hell happened?!'" I found that hilarious so I included it here...I don't know if even Easy Rider fans get it though so I guess its negotiable. It just felt like a kinda natural endpoint. --THINKER 01:11, 1 May 2007 (UTC)
edit From Pee Review
Thoughts, comments, etc? --THINKER 02:36, 29 April 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||One of the few Uncyclopedia articles I have actually laughed at. Your reflect the attitude and experience of the subject really well, and the points where you do that well make the article effective: "Three quarters of a really kick-ass song" "Remember how you vowed never to work in the food service industry EVER again?" "That bald guy behind the $40,000 mixing console has NO IDEA what he's doing" "Contrary to popular belief...snowballing." I think the article could be improved if you expanded some of the shorter sections to include more first-hand experience of the subject - such as what actually happens on the street.|
|Concept:||9||The reason the score is high is not so much the concept but how you've worked it. The opening paragraph is perfect, and ending in Wisconsin is likewise a gem. You should gradually change the tone of the subject from the naive thinks-he's-cool guy (where you have captured him well with the tone) to the aging kind of stoned-out man who has become used to the reality at the end. You seem to have tried to do this (e.g., "baby" becomes "old six-string"), but it's not evident enough. The guy at the end should sound slower, less keen and more spaced out. Try to reflect the character of the guy at the end as well as you captured it at the beginning.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||You've used a variety of formatting methods to effect. The headings contribute to your effect.|
|Images:||7||The "before" and "after" photos are perfect. Still, I think you could add some, especially if you expand the article.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||I assume this is headed for VFH? It will probably get chosen for the front page, but if you really want to make it good expand it a bit more. Doesn't have to be a lot, but to some extent you lose your effect by not relating the whole experience of your subject.|
|Reviewer:||Rogpyvbc 05:00, 30 April 2007 (UTC)|
edit Picture used out of context
Removed. Pointless pointing out of pointless picture that as pointetldy pointed out, exaggerated a point for said article, that pointless picture was not of subject at point. Pointles pointer poked in eye for pointles use of the word 'point'. Point made. Poke... Owww. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 188.8.131.52 (talk • contribs)