Talk:Critter War

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It could use some work, lots of polish, and more jokes. It also has too many categories for such a short article.

edit From Pee Review

A friend of mine wrote this article, but it REALLY needs help. If you could give my friend some feedback and suggestions, I'm sure he would appreciate it greatly. -Gyrel

Humour: 4 Really not great. Some of the ideas were funny, or at least potentially so, but many of the actual jokes are just rather poor random humour, lame exaggerations and self referential jokes about the silliness of the concept of a war on insects. Perhaps rather than just saying "declaring war on insects, isn't that silly?", a mock serious account of an actual battle would show the silliness of the concept in a more amusing way?
Concept: 7 Others may disagree, but I think this concept has legs. I'm a big fan of fictional history, and some of my favourite Uncyc articles are on imaginary wars, revolutions and so on. The trouble here is that the writer loses focus and/or interest as he goes, so we have a lot of detail about Roosevelt's signiture, but little information about the war itself, and finally the whole thing bogs down into a random list. I think that if you're going to write an article on a war, your main focus probably ought to be the war itself.
Prose and formatting: 3 This is really where your friend lets himself down. The writing is confusingly written, poorly paragraphed and switched tenses arbitrarily. The central character is unnamed. Lists are thrown in as filler. I don't know what advice to give other than to suggest that your friend read some Wikipedia history articles and try to mimic something of their style
Images: 5 Other than the papaya tree, the images are mostly relevant and occasionally amusing, though they could be better formatted.
Miscellaneous: 10 I don't know what I'm supposed to write in this box.
Final Score: 29 I really don't like to seem overly harsh, but this article needs a lot of work. Having said that, I think that something can be made of it. I'd suggest going back to square 1 - FDR's duplicated signiture allows madman to create own state declares war on bugs - and see if you can find a more interesting direction to take it. Work hard on your written English - pretend that you're going to hand it in to a teacher for marking - and above all put some more thought into your jokes.
Reviewer: --Cap'n Sir Ben GUN WotM VFH VFP 02:06, 2 March 2007 (UTC)
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