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Under communism, all citizens are equal. However, this government style does not truly work. A select few with true power make decisions for the entire nation. Everyone is closely monitored and regulated to ensure that peace and equality are kept. It is hard for people to make their own decisions because the community is considered more important than the individual. ninjas often perform random assassinations on randomly selected members of society. There is even a national ninja farting competition wherein the aforementioned ninjas must assassinate targets chosen by a giant pinwheel including the names of every person in Russia (known as the wheel of happy fun cricket killer fags loosely translated from русский гей колеса) using only the power of their farts. This event is both feared and respected in Russia, and the winner becomes king of Russia for two and a half weeks and 6 minutes. During the last six minutes, he or she is allowed to bang any hoe he or she wishes without the risk of being shamed or acquiring unwanted STDs. The most famous winnner of this prestigous award, was actually the renowned song writer and clown, Jimmy Buffet. It is told that he farted beautiful music that resounded so powerfully in the ears of his target, that his head exploded. Some legends even tell that the bursting head let out a rain of unicorns, gummy bears, and gummy unibearcorns. This is, however, a controversial topic and cannot be confirmed due to the elusive nature of unibearcorns and the scientific evidence suggesting that unibearcorns can be born only during the month of August, when everyone knows that the famous rain of the alledged gummy unibearcorns occurred in late September. Scientists and historians debate the validity of many accounts because the gummyness of the said unibearcorns could allow them to born so far out of season. Irregardless, Jimmy Buffet was the only good leader Russia has ever seen. His successors an preccessors all simply did one of two things: Sat in the corner crying, or sat in the corner mastrubating. (In some cases both. Usually a hodgepodge of one, the other, and both simultaneously.) Jimmy Buffet was able to give a car to everyone in Russia a car. Some say this was a great inspiration to Oprah. This is likely to have some validity, because Oprah was the hoe Jimmy banged during his alotted six minutes.