This is the talk page for discussing improvements to the Byzantine Empire article.
This is splendid --Zarbag 09:18, 5 April 2007 (UTC)
edit From Pee Review
This is what I have been working on all this time. It took a really long time to write, but it's finally completed. So, tell me what you think. Does it need improvement? Should more be added? --00:20, 5 April 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||I'm not a "history" guy, but I still remember enough to get most of the jokes.|
|Concept:||7||Not enough pages poke fun at those pesky Byzantines. The Ottomans get all the glory. Damn Ottomans.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||This is the area where there are issues. They aren't crippling by any means, but the sentences don't "flow".
"After numerous besieging and the devastating arrival of the bubonic plague in the 1400s, the Byzantine Empire and its capitol city of Constantinople were in shambles by the 15th century." reads as "broken".
"By the 15th century, after living under constant siege from both outside threats and the devastating arrival of the bubonic plague, the Byzantine empire was in shambles." reads "smoother". It's not great (it's just off the top of my head, where I keep such things), but hopefully it shows each phrase "flowing" into the next. Since you've been working on this for quite a while, you may be too close to the trees to see the forest...ignore the page for a week or two, then come back to it with newborn eyes. It's that last 10% that makes a good page great, and smooth prose is a sizeable minority of that 10%.
|Images:||7||Suitable images with good captions.|
|Final Score:||37||As I mentioned earlier, I'm not a "history" guy, but you asked for my hamfisted review. The page is this close. Granted, that makes no sense, as you can't see my fingers.|
|Reviewer:||--15:11, 8 April 2007 (UTC)|
OK, I fixed some of the prose and formatting and fixed the sentence that you pointed out to me. I plan on putting this on VFH and I want it to be as good as possible. -- 17:28, 8 April 2007 (UTC)
- If my head clears, I'll pitch in. I haven't written all that much recently; life is getting in the way. Or "work", rather. Harumph!. -- 17:39, 8 April 2007 (UTC)
Awesome motto. Εμείs θα σου δώσουμε οτιδήποτε θέλεις :) --Krator 06:53, 23 April 2007 (UTC)