Talk:Alice in Sunderland

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Revision as of 11:30, November 25, 2010 by Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs)

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Yo. So Mr. Flamingo, has this been VFHed/peed upon yet? --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 10:02, October 5, 2010 (UTC)

Not yet. I was gonna submit it for pee but guess I just never got around to it. You know how it is. --Black Flamingo 11:05, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
Update; just submitted it for pee. --Black Flamingo 11:06, October 5, 2010 (UTC)
I think it needs some of the supposed text in here or alternatively, link that to an UnBook. At the moment it looks a bit listy. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:42, November 12, 2010 (UTC)
I'd do the PEE but apparently I'm shit at that. But if it's any consoltaion - I really liked this. Sog1970 23:10, November 17, 2010 (UTC)
Romartus, that's an idea that did already spring to mind, but thanks for the tip, I'll definitely have to think on it a bit further. And Sog, I'm glad you like it. Please don't hesitate to review it on the basis that you're shit, we need everyone we can get over at PEEING right now. Plus, you can't be that bad. --Black Flamingo 23:52, November 17, 2010 (UTC)
Then I'll try to do it during the week, time allowing. No promises - that way i don't have to feel guilty if I do a shit job, or forget all together. --Sog1970 22:45, November 21, 2010 (UTC)

edit Pee

Humour: 7 First of all, let me say it's a great idea and I really like this. But that’s not a review and not very helpful. So… The opening paragraph is to the point and sets the scene well but, though amusing to Brits, it’s not especially funny for our other users who almost certainly have never heard of Sunderland. Mind you, neither have a lot of Brits.

The Background section, however, is funny. If I was going to nitpick – the bellyflop idea is a little laboured, but the last sentence (gracefulness) is worth the wait.

Characters – nice. I thought the white ferret was a penis but you’re obviously not as unsubtle as myself. Actually, most of the Cheshire people I work with don’t think they’re really Northern, as if Cheshire were a wandering Home County. So I liked this.

Can the Mock Turtle be a whippet rather than a small dog? It’s so much more Coronation Street

I didn’t quite understand the last sentence about the queen. The grammar seems wrong somehow, but I couldn’t say how. And I don’t understand how it’s funny.

Concept: 9 Concept is brilliant. I think you're right about it needing a bit more. Maybe Alice is too posh or too southern to understand Northern life (in the way Alice can't understand Wonderland in the original) and a few more Northern sterotypes like pigeons, bitter etc
Prose and formatting: 9 Perfect as far as I can see, I'd give you a ten but I'm not that nice. I pissed about with a couple of things and changed a couple of spellings because I'm too idle to work out how to tell you where I think they are.
Images: 7 None of the pictures are laugh out loud funny on their own, but they're all very appropriate to the section they're in and some of the captions are excellent. The opening one is difficult to read without opening it separately, the second is excellent and I liked the caption, the third is fine but dull - maybe “The White ferret, not a penis metaphor, apparently” or something. The rest I think are fine. All of them after the first could be a little larger.
Miscellaneous: 7 Could be longer, could have a few more gags. Difficult to do it too dry and still have it funny since it's not a factual subject to subject
Final Score: 39 I told you I was shit at reviews.
Reviewer: --Sog1970 22:26, November 22, 2010 (UTC)
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