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edit Pee Review
|Humour:||7||Right, I enjoyed the humour in your article, for the most part but was left with the enduring feeling that you could have done more with it. The jokes are good and you mix the encyclopaedic style nicely with the slang, but my feeling was that you don't do this as much as you could. Permit me to expand, this idea for the humour seemed to me to set your article apart from other articles on similar subjects, I'm not saying that you should write the entire article in slang as that creates more problems than it solves, what I am suggesting is that you try to use it a bit more. As I read I found myself searching for this sort of humour, especially after you say "formerly known as Alistair Leslie Graham before his induction into da West Staines Massiv" and after seeing the caption on the first image, I expected to see it used a bit more and was slightly disappointed when the appearance of such jokes was quite sparse. The other jokes are good, and I will speak a bit more about them later, but as I went through the article I found myself thinking that some of the parts of the article where humour is slightly more thin on the ground could be livened up with this. The style is relatively simple to carry off, and you are doing it to an extent already but, as I have said, not very often, try to include such instances in the text a bit more, for instance instead of simply saying "After being instated as the Prime Minister's main political advisor" you could try something like "After being instated as the Prime Minister's main political advisor, a position Alistair described as 'Totally shady', he etc etc". This can liven up some of the sections that are more difficult to find amusing or plausible.
Beyond the above problem the humour is quite good, you are generally subtle but there are a couple of areas I would suggest you take a second look at. The first one is that the plausibility of your article takes a bit of a dip as you enter the section regarding politics, while the joke about preventing a nuclear holocaust is vaguely amusing it seemed to me to be a bit too unbelievable in the context of the article, especially as you have been building him up as being a bit of a bumbler before this with suggestions of gang retribution of "by removing the caps from his bicycle tires, letting all the air out". This just seemed a bit inconsistent to me, if there is supposed to be a change in the character then include a quick word letting us know, but the two seem too far apart to be at all plausible, especially as they are relatively close to one another in the article. The joke that seemed far more appropriate to the character you have described is the one about the unsuccessful policy of reforming the A Team, to fight crime, that made me laugh, partly because the joke is good and partly because it works in the context you have established. Besides this the only other problem worth mentioning is that occasionally a sex reference is thrown into the article, as I read these I thought that they did not fit quite as well as a lot of the other jokes, perhaps because they suddenly appear and made me feel that they had been used simply to pad out sections, I doubt this is the case however and suspect this criticism is more to do with my own opinion of saod jokes.
|Concept:||8||The concept is good and the execution is nearly there. The main problem I found was that occasionally the tone falters as you add a joke that doesn't seem to fit the character you have created, beside that the tone is pretty consistent. My maion criticism is that you didn't use the slang a bit more, the vernacular doesn't mesh with the encyclopaedic tone at all which makes continual use of it more amusing, take a look at the way this article does a similar thing and you will be well on your way with this, take careful note of how the author prevents the two tones interfering with one another.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||Your spelling and grammar is of a very high standard and you write articulately and well, I think that it is well within your abilities to do your own proofreading, that said it is completely up to you. The main thing that drags your score down here is your image formatting which could use a second look. The main culprit here is the two images that are opposite one another on the page, they squeeze the text between them which, for me, ruins the idea that the images are a secondary concern to the text, however this is not as major as I am making it sound. As far as your image formatting goes, all you need to do is give yourself a bit more space to work with, consider removing an image if this is what you would like to do, the images, as you will see below are fine, but there may be one too many here. Also try to avoid having an image sit almost directly above the template, again a minor concern.|
|Images:||9||Some very good work here, besides the formatting issues. The captions are very good as they are and my only advice is that you remember to change them if you make any major changes to the article's humour.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||My overall grade of the article.|
|Final Score:||40||The article is enjoyable overall and but for a couple of minor issues it isn't too far off. My personal view is that there is some unrealised potential here and you need only do a bit more work to realise it. I would, however, encourage you to use your own judgement it is your article and you know best what you would like to do with it. If you have any questions or comments for me then you can ask me on my talk page or you can ask me on IRC. Good luck making any changes.|
|Reviewer:||--ChiefjusticeDS 22:06, January 3, 2010 (UTC)|
- Fo' real, my Wiganer brother... --Matfen 15:22, January 9, 2010 (UTC)
- GEAH!! DJ Mixerr 03:31, December 1, 2010 (UTC)