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Revision as of 05:08, August 25, 2009 by PotatoSmut
- Theme song of the year 
- Darth Vader sends his battlion of Union Space Marines to attack J. Edgar Hoover's Confederate moon base in the last great battle of the American Civil War, only to be repelled by the Director's well-trained bovine forces. The South would hold control of the moon until ceding control of it in the Treaty of Flanders, as opposed to facing utter annihilation at the hands of Pink Floyd in 4242.
- Michael Jackson accused of baby-raping for the first time. This will continue until he is sentenced to be burned to death in 2007 by the FBI or his change of appearance over the years gets him murdered by Native Americans unaccepting of his lifestyle choices.
- Some kid realises how babies are made.
- Crystal Pepsi was made and was loved by the all the world.
- Jurassic Park was made. Not to be confused with the hit martian porno "Jur Ass Ickparq!"
- Thomas Diedrich Was Born.
- January 1 - Czechoslovakia divides, the "Velvet divorce" they call it. Establishment of independent Olive Garden and That Kid's House.
- Canada and Quebec awaits their national divorce hearing (35 years later).
- January 3 - The US Supreme Court rules the ownership of property by poloponies to be unconstitutional and President Bill Clinton authorized seizing all property owned by the polopony.
- January 5 - Washington State executes Westley Allan Dodd by Sesame Street.
- January 20 - Slick Willy becomes president by 40% of the national vote, to help get rid of the "worst national economy in 50 years". George H.W. Bush prepares his son, "Dubya" to take the throne...he's still up to his dirty tricks.
- February 8 - Your wife cheats on you.
- February 9 - You cheat on your wife.
- February 14 - Adultery is in style, your wife sleeps with others and you're sleeping with someone's wife, and these two women are "out of the closet".
- Janet Reno is selected by President Clinton as US Attorney General.(The only Attorney General to be a robot).
- The U.S. economy starts to grow, but Clinton is under attack by a little-known radio talk commentator named Rush Limbaugh, and he incites the Waco Davidian compound standoff, because of President Clinton's "jack-booted thugs".
- John Howards bushy eye brows become a front Page article.
- MC Hammer is flat ass broke, can't sell a hit and no one remembers him.
- April 6 - Mongoose (mongeese?) invaded the United States of America, to take over the states of Ohello, Cheeselen,New Kansas , and Utah , only to be welcomed by the Merman Clan (now also called Mormon, as the result of incorrect punctuation). The resulting horror drove the Mongi to drown themselves in Utah's Little Salty Mudpit.
- April 7 - Stephen Hawking velocitates the matrix of the universe and everything turns into spaghetti hoops.
- June 19 Dissent ceases to exist as a concept in most latin-based languages. Hereafter, Everything becomes much nicer. OOPS, that's not in April.
- Record floods on the Mrs. Ippy river destroy millions of acres, hectares, furlongs, rods, and cubits of Midwestern farmland. Hundreds of houses are swept away, the flood does $4 million worth of improvements in the commonwealth of Kentuckistan and the state Arkansas, Bill Clinton visits these places and nearly made these states "blue" in the 1996 presidential elections.
- I am turning Japanese panic, Japan's economy worst than ours and they are SOOOOOO "competitive", they are breaking down!
- "Pube soup" deemed healthy nutritious food for primary school consumption.
- Barney the Dinosaur puts a whole generation of children under its' evil hypnotic spell.
- Kurt Cobain ruled, the king of "Generation X" was officially crowned.
- Snoop Doggy Dogg ruled, he was 'fo real.
- British Ministry of Silly Walks closed.
- June was originally called Dyke but was renamed June after term "dyke" was used more often for the meaning of lesbian, some overprotective mother campaigned to change to month of Dyke to be called June, after her pet lizard.
- Derek was born.
- Jonn was born.
- I know Derek's and John's Mothers. ;-)
- It is revealed Jesus actually killed John Lennon.
- August 12 - The first HDTV prototypes are completed, leaving people wondering what the fuck they're going to do with all those extra pixels.
- August 29 - Michael Jackson's 35th birthday and little did he know his surprise gift that year was from the government who decided to reward him by searching him by various methods to get a boy and his family off his back.
- September 11 - Clinton offers peace pipes to Israel's PM What's his name and Palestinian terrorist-turned-negotiator Yessir AirfromFatass. PEACE MAN! But not for long, you know how those Jews are...and those A-rabes are.
- September 14 - Peter Cook is abducted and killed by Space Otters during a performance at the Albert Hall.
- September 25 - Myspace is considered to be how sexual predators like Barney & Oprah lure children into their lairs using candy and porn.
- September 26 - A perfect clone of Queen Elizabeth takes the throne of England.
- September 29 - "WHOOP! There it is!" becomes #1 hit on the radio. They replaced "My Achin' Breakin' Heart" and "Jump!Jump!". Who cares?
- October 1 - 500th anniversary of Columbus' discovery of America observed by everyone, except Native Americans (obviously) who called him a "mass murderer" of their people.
- October 11 - Native Americans riot in Washington D.C., since they wanna be "Niggas" and "La Raza". Puerto Ricans, Black people and poor whites riot in the urban ghettos of America, let's party like it's 1965.
- October 16 - President Clinton and the still Democratic majority of the US government outlawed Columbus Day, one reason why they lost the vote the next year from "Angry white men".
- October 21 - Day gingers were accepted into society again. Still not official.
- October 31 - Halloween is used as an advertisment for Poison.
- October 17 - Jasmin Dagger was born :)coooool!!!! hehehe!
- I went out with Jasmin's mother too, but that child may not be mine. :-/
- November 8 - John Adams runs for the office of Governor of New Arkansas; he is elected by a landslide and inaugurated the day before the day after his election, and became the 42nd person to hold that office.
- Dago "the Wop" Lombardi, the most Italian guy in the world, born thrice to Chuck Norris and someone else.
- Hatmaster is conceived. Hat Mastery was given a future this day.
- November 28 - Total lunar eclipse, the whole moon was black for 15 minutes!!! (but nobody cares).
- Time stopped for a second...
- And the world found out they lost a hour, the world goes on.
December (it never existed...OK?)
- December 25 - The P.C. Police down away with "Merry Christmas" after 1,990 years in usage around the world.
An alternate year to 1993, localised entirely to Shaquille O'Neal.
- Shaq promises in an impromptu press conference at Tom Hanks' third funeral that "the Shaq will never slack", reaffirming his stance on rubbing alcohol, requesting that the people of America pump up their Reeboks and publically admitting his favourite cartoon for the first time (Bullwinkle the Moose). Despite this, he still loses his post as "World's Least Offensive Rapper" to a temporally-displaced Will Smith.
- Zulean Mercenaries & Arms debuts (now retired), succeeded by the Zula Patrol.
Alternative universe known as "the world of Shaq" when he's more famous than Jesus.
- In 1996 Shaq O' Neill elected president of the USA (sorry Obama) and got rid of the US army policy of "don't ask don't tell".
- 1999 Shaq hooks up with Hillary Clinton as part of a "mutual open marriage" thing with still Arkansas governor Bill Clinton with his office secretary and partner Monica Lewinski.
- 2002, defeated Al-Qaida team captain Osama to declare war on terror over.
- 2005 Shaq saved New Orleans from hurricane Katrina's tidal surge by buying the Berlin Wall on the Gulf coast line (later he bought the Great Wall from China).
- 2008 the US olympic games was American total victory to make the Chinese no longer the competiting force in the world.
- And 2012, Shaq re-elected the 5th time (beat that FDR) against Charles Barkley of the GOP (a black Republican?) and Kobe Bryant of the independent party (3rd party house-and-senate rule).