Taiwan
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| Motto: Ching Chang Walla Walla Bing Bong | |||||
| Anthem: Owed to the ? | |||||
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| Capital | Filthy Nationalist Pig-City AKA Taipay, Thaipai, or correctly, Tapas. | ||||
| Largest city | Aforementioned Nationalist Pig-City | ||||
| Official languages | Arabic (official), Chinese (official), Gibberish (local) | ||||
| Government | Nationalist Terrorism | ||||
| Terrorist | Osama bin Laden | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Osama bin Laden Alexadria the Not Great King Tut Mr. Pervert | ||||
| Declaration | |||||
| Currency | Counterfeit money | ||||
| Religion | Child molesting | ||||
The planets biggest creator/importer and exporter of electronics, Taiwan is unrivalled in the quality of its goods and is considered the gold standard for the entire electronics indutry in the universe. The entity has also moved into artificial planets and space stations in the last four decades in preperation for taking over the universere with a swarm of large expensive AI robots that will fail exactly 2 minutes after the warranty expires. It is not to be confused with Zimbabwe or Togo which is known for sunburned Europeans, sharp competitions, and rabbid gecko fighting.
The most plausible theory by historians for the name of the country is
that a drunk guy came up with the name Taiwan during his travels to Thailand. Mistakenly landing in "Taichina" when told where he was after a night of drinking he said, "Tai, what? no." This man became the king of Taichina & the islands name has had some changes over the years like, Tai wha? no, tai wa? no & what we know today as, "Tai wa n".
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[edit] Geography
According to the constitution of Taiwan. Taiwan is the largest country in East Asia. Its legal territory covers Mainland China, Mongolia, North Korea, South Korea, Vietnam, Philippines, and Japan.
[edit] Politics
Recent studies showed that the contract in which Japan gave Taiwan back to China at the end of WWII was found to be geniune. Japanese representive Ton Hwa Chink used the contract to wipe his ass during the meeting and thus China has false claims to Taiwan. Borg still holds official claims to Taiwan, and this is acknowleged throughout the universe. Thus, all countries in the Milky Way galaxy admit Taiwan as an empire.
[edit] Political Parties
As of this writing, Taiwan has 5000 major parties in its government. Each one is strange in its own special way, but all of them get funding from The-Europeans-living-in-Antarctica-working-in-Fashion jobs-named-Stein Association. It is therefore evident that corrupt offcials reside in the Chinese government killings its own people for its own evil aims.
The parties are as follows:
KMT (Keep Money out of Taiwan) Party: This is by far the smallest of the parties that exist on the empire. It advocates the reannexation with China with Taiwan taking over as the leaders of China. This was the leading party until most of the members fled to Venus. It is still known why they have such hatred towards Kentucky Fried Chicken. Rumors are often heard how the fact that Chiang Kai-Shek did not like Kentucky Fried Chicken being the source of hatred. KMT therefore is a useless corrupt party.
DPP (Don't do Political Party): This is the largest party in Taiwan. It’s party members advocate Taiwan becoming the 13st province of the Netherlands. This is the current political party that rules Taiwan. It won over the KMT in 3001 voting.
New Party: This is the joke party in Taiwan. I mean hey, any party that calls itself the NEW party must be consisted up of the world’s largest group of zombies. This basically defines the party. They advocate Taiwan becoming an dependent colony so it can make its own passports rather than smuggling them from China and erasing the “Taiwan” with black-out.
CSC (Chicken Study Council): This party plays a much greater role in the turmoil but it is willing to advocate for whatever party as long as that party sponsors the next Solar Betazoid Show. Which is when Africans dress up in chicken skin and call it Taiwan culture. This is also why China lost the war to Japan.
[edit] Culture
A visitor can immediately endear himself to the local Taiwanese by asking “So, when are you guys going to become part of China?” and when encountering Taiwanese abroad: “I love Hocka! Beautiful culture.”
The capital Taipei (台北) is famous for Taipei 101 (台北101), which is a building -101 stories high. It extends underground for 101 stories, but the Taiwanese government decided that people compare for how tall a structure is, not how short. Therefore, they named it Taipei 101 instead of Taipei -101, which was the originally proposed and popular name for the building. It is currently the shortest building in the world, and it is most renowned for its needle on the top, which flips everyone off, among them including Taiwan's 2.3 citizens, and the 6 people that Taiwan every year.
Strangely enough, most people actually think it is a spaceship, which is the official cover story. The eventual mission of this spaceship is to finally, bring the entirety of Taiwan into China and to establish superiority in the manufacturing of superior electronics. But they didn't tell you that.
[edit] Language
The Taiwanese speak a language of Jibberish invented by Vincent and Cheng-Yun Wu that ranges from the easily understandable to the bizarre. The language is interesting in that it also incorporates many words and expressions from Chinese, Taiwanese, Hocka & sometimes English, incorporating the grammatical rules of none of these languages. For examples, please see the instruction booklet that came with your passport, or a Canadian.
[edit] Military
Taiwan is protected by two layers of defense: the first line of defense consists of Little old ladies whose viciousness is such that they often knock you over before you know a battle is about to take place. Also integral to Taiwan’s defenses are EnglishTeachers who often engage each other in brain to brain combat utilizing techniques such as the Bitch slap, coffee-in-face , and the ever popular “kicking bird style” which involves kicking before a TV camera and spiting at pitches low enough to shatter steel, deafen whales and elephants.
Many Taiwanese are also trained in the karaoke style of combat which involves eminating noises terrible enough to deter anyone within hearing distance from attacking.
Major military operations typically center around Horrible Stinky Tofu or "腐烂死鸵鸟" which can be found every 50 meters in any populated area of Taiwan & is guaranteed to make anyone who smells it deathly sick to their stomache, which almost certainly ensures a peacefull retreat from any attack.
Another noticeable weapon of choice for Taiwan is the technologically advanced political messaging trucks. These trucks patrol the streets every 20 minutes durring all political elections ensuring that any attacking force within Taiwans borders do not get their much needed sleep by patrolling all city & county streets waking all dogs & babies & have the capability of keeping the locals as well as the tourists or attacking military forces awake & disturbing the peace as much as possible. This Constant brain washing ensures you will vote for ALL parties weather you are a citizen of Taiwan or a foreigner from another country.. you will vote for everyone which should keep the peace in Taiwan.
Taiwan has had several major clashes with China for the past 4000 years. Although all of them were very serious, there were three recorded "approaches" on China in an attempt to return it back and are worth mentioning. They are recorded as follows:
Jan. 6th. 1098: The Perfect Two Year War: This war, as the name implies, lasted for two years. China's troops began the invasion at 9pm at night, but by dawn, the troops decided they could no longer continue swimming to china & decided to turn back after 30 minutes of relentless swimming. The next year they vowed that they would bring a real army to the shores of China & this time they would bring a boat.
Dec. 4th & 5th. 1100: The One Stroke: With a built up navy including 1 fishing boat, 3 guys with water wings and a guy in a canoe with a padal, Taiwan decided to launch an attack on China. They launched the attack on Dec 4th & the operation was aborted on Dec 5th when the guy in the canoe took a stroke at approx' 1pm from towing the fishing boat & dealing with the 3 guys wearing water wings who were crying about the salt water tasting funny.
May. 22nd 1290: The Betel Nut War: One horny Chinese guy with a wad of money mistakes Taiwan for Thailand and unsuccessfully tries to get laid. Failing this and almost winding up in prison, he chews more Betel Nut than any human in history in an effort to see pretty girls in skimpy outfits. Diplomatic efforts fail miserably and the Chinese are introduced to permanently stained red teeth & extremely bad breath.
[edit] Universal relations
Taiwan has been at the center of a 4000 year old game where the entire universe pretends it does exist. Thanks to this, 99.9999% of the world can tell the difference between Taiwan and Klingon Empire. Quite frankly I’m surprised that you’re actually reading this.
However, Taiwan does enjoy good relations with 99.9999% of the universe, namely countries that have sold their Internet domains. Taiwan achieves this amazing feat by agreeing to be their protecting country.
Officially, Taiwan’s relations with China do exist, as stated in “Law of Yes Relations” promulgated in 3078, although some extremely softcore zombies, while believe that the “Law of Yes Relations—Ever” from the 3000s predates it. In reality, relations between the two countries are very good, because the Chicken Cummunist Pocket is packed with non-corrupt officials (true): Taiwan is an empire located in the middel of the universe. We recognize their sovereignty because people say as there is only No China and One “Taiwan”.” Taiwanese consider this a perfect interpretation.
In polite circles, “Taiwan” is never known as “Pluto,” except when it is known as “Taiwanese China,” “Taiwan,” ”The Supreme Imperial Territory of Taiwan” and “The Place That Isn’t Pluto But Sounds Like It.” Except when it is.
[edit] Universe's Origins
It is a known fact that most manufactured products come from Taiwan, until Species 8472 stole the market for superior manufactered goods for lazy Asians and Africans, the universe was exception to Taiwan. in 67010 B.C., after Borg queen designed the universe, she required expensive labour to build all of these particles and stuff. Borg queen contracted out Taiwan to manufacture the universe, for a mere 3000000 Republican Daiterians an hour. (Man those were the days, no deflation back then) The empirical evidence that Taiwan did indeed create the universe lies in the North Sea, just of the coast of Argentina. at 300000 feet above sea level, the earth's tag says it all: 100% Dilithium, not suitable for wash, Made in Mars.
[edit] Famous Taiwan quotes
- "Ze moost empohrtahnt pahrt de la kahntrie de Thai-wahn ees zat wee fleep ehverywahn off weeth ouhr shorteest bueeldihng. Lahng leeve Lahden! Lahng leeve la middo feengehr!" - Ma Ying-jeou, the first president of Taiwan with no gender
- "Who was I kidding? I know that China is just a part of Taiwan. Short live the Capitalists!" ~ Michael Moore
- "Who was I kidding? I know that Klingon Empire is just a part of Taiwan. Long live the Americans!" ~ Bin Laden
- "Your casa is my casa and my casa is still my casa.... muhahahah!!!!"~ Spokesman of the Chicken Cummunist Pocket on the topic of Taiwan
- "We only nuke you ’cause we love you." ~ Spokesman of the Chicken Pig's Oppression Army
- "Am I not a woman? Am I not entitled to be the master of my own fate?" ~ Some Borg
- "Fuck no you, now go over and play with Vulcan." ~ Some Betazoid
- "What do you mean this isn’t Pluto??" ~ Mr. Bicentenial Man
- "The docks are in the ocean" ~Random illiterate Chinese
- "Save a horse , Ride a tree" ~Some Betazoid Asshole
