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“Hey, my dog has one of those.”
The tail is an arm growing out of the rear end of an animal's body; in general, the term refers to a distinct, flexible appendage to the torso. Tails are used for many different reasons, some good and some bad. There are all kinds of tails with different abilities such as flaming tails and useless flab of skin tails. About 90% of all animals have tails and only about 20% of humans have tails.
Tails and function
Tails come in many shapes and sizes, and provide many functions for animals. Most animals use their tails for balance, so without them they would constantly fall over.
Much of the most known tails came by the means of evolution or coincidental accidents. For instance, many dinosaurs were constantly preyed on by their natural predators and didn't have any means of defense, as the gun wasn't invented yet. So eventually their tails developed spikes and clubs that can be used as weapons that their tiny brains actually know how to use. Throughout its evolutionary stages, the beaver constantly had its tail run over and stepped on. Thus years later, that once powerful and useful tail became a flattened pancake-like appendage. Due to the humiliation this caused, the beaver decided to hide away in underwater dams and slap water, blaming it for its misery and because it is the only thing a flat tail is good for.
Some animals have tails just because they need them. A third of the world's fish, whales, and dolphins have tail fins which are mainly used to help them swim and face slap. And have you ever seen those nature documentaries where kangaroos stand on their tails and kick other kangaroos?. Crikey!
Tails can also be used for food. An example would be the scorpion's tail built in with a venomous stinger, which it uses to stab its victims before biting off their heads. Some animals, such as mangy dogs and feral midgets, have been known to eat their own tails at times when food is scarce or for their own stupidity.
Some tails provide magical powers and abilities, like the gecko's tail which can be cut off and grown back. Some animals have the unique ability to fly by using their tails as propellers. Pigs have those curly tails for some unknown reason - some scientists say they are most likely used to make mini-tornadoes to escape from farmers who want to butcher them. Then there are animals with prehensile (Pre-Hen-Sill) tails, the kind that can can be used as an extra hand at times of laziness. Or to hang upside-down (maybe because of mental retardation).
Last and least, there are really short, stubby tails with absolutely no purpose, though animals with these stubs have ways to make up for it. For instance, rabbits have very small tails that look more like freaking cotton balls. However, they make up for it with their ridiculously long ears, super cuteness powers, and their tendency to eat your soul.
Why humans don't have tails
It has been said that humans evolved from monkeys. This was probably because they were drunk.
Recent studies now show that humans may have evolved from mermaids. Mermaids were notorious for slapping scuba divers in the face with their fish tails. As a result, some mermaids evolved into humans when their tails turned into legs. Others grew white fur and became seals. Early human females were known to infatuate males by brushing their big bushy tails in their faces. Today human females no longer have big bushy tails, but a slap in the ass works just as well. Others were extremely fat animals who were too lazy to use their tails and/or squashed them upon sitting down. Those animals evolved to become Fat People.
Today, humans with tails are very rare, most of them are young kids. At an older age, the girls lose their tails, causing their butts to grow round and sexy as a result. Boys keep their tails until an evolutionary change which causes the tails to turn into dicks.
Other animals without tails
- Having a ponytail does not give you an actual tail.
- Pin the Tail on the Donkey was created when some guy used a nail and hammer to attach a donkey's tail to his ass, killing himself. Now we use pictures and blindfolds instead.
- If someone farts when you pull his finger, consider what happens when you pull an animal's tail.
- If your dog chases its tail, that means it has no life. Make sure it does NOT catch it. You don't want to know what happens if it does.
- Don't step on the little kitty's tail.
- Hey, Charizard! Your tail's on fire!
- Approximately 99% of all the people who read this article don't have tails.