Tail

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(Why humans don't have tails)
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Tails come in many shapes and sizes, and provide many functions for animals. Most animals use their tails for balance, so without them they would constantly fall over.
 
Tails come in many shapes and sizes, and provide many functions for animals. Most animals use their tails for balance, so without them they would constantly fall over.
 
[[File:Childrenhavetails.jpg|thumb|All [[children]] are born with tails. ]]
 
[[File:Childrenhavetails.jpg|thumb|All [[children]] are born with tails. ]]
For many animals, the tail is incredibly useful. Many [[dinosaurs]] were constantly preyed on by their natural predators and didn't have any means of defense (the [[gun]] wasn't invented yet). So eventually their tails developed spikes and clubs that can be used as [[weapon]]s. The [[skunk]] has a bushy tail which contains a stinky gas it farts out for defense or when it gets hit by a [[car]]. [[Beaver]]s are known for having flat tails, possibly because people kept running them over or stepping on them.
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Much of the most known tails came by the means of [[evolution]] or coincidental [[accident]]s. For instance, many [[dinosaurs]] were constantly preyed on by their natural predators and didn't have any means of defense, as the [[gun]] wasn't invented yet. So eventually their tails developed spikes and clubs that can be used as [[weapon]]s that their tiny brains actually know how to use. Throughout its evolutionary stages, the [[beaver]] constantly had its tail run over and stepped on. Thus years later, that once powerful and useful tail became a flattened pancake-like appendage. Due to the humiliation this caused, the beaver decided to hide away in underwater dams and slap water, blaming it for its misery and because it is the only thing a flat tail is good for.
   
Some tails have tails just because they need them. [[Fish]] have tail fins, while [[whale]]s, [[dolphin]]s, and [[narwhal]]s have tail flukes. These tails are mainly used to help the animals swim, though they are also good for slapping people in the face. [[Kangaroo]]s have long muscular tails to help them jump and kick (You ever seen those [[Nature|nature documentaries]] where the kangaroos stand on their tails and kick other kangaroos?). Crikey!
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Some animals have tails just because they need them. A third of the world's [[fish]], [[whale]]s, and [[dolphin]]s have tail fins which are mainly used to help them swim and face slap. And have you ever seen those [[Nature|nature documentaries]] where [[kangaroo]]s stand on their tails and kick other kangaroos?. Crikey!
   
Tails can also be used for food. [[Scorpion]]s have tails with [[venom]]ous stingers at the end. Any creature that gets [[stab]]bed by a scorpion's stinger will die and get eaten. Some animals have been known to bite and eat their own tails at times when food is scarce or for their own stupidity.
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Tails can also be used for food. An example would be the [[scorpion]]'s tail built in with a [[venom]]ous stinger, which it uses to stab its victims before biting off their heads. Some animals, such as mangy dogs and [[feral midgets]], have been known to eat their own tails at times when food is scarce or for their own stupidity.
   
Some animals can do unique things with their tails to make themselves look cool. [[Gecko]]s have the ability to cut off their tails and magically grow a new one. [[Tails the Straight|Some animals have the unique ability to fly by using their tails as propellers]]. [[Pig]]s have those curly tails for some wierd reason - some [[scientists]] say they are most likely used to make mini-[[tornado]]es to escape from farmers who want to butcher them. Some animals have prehensile (Pre-Hen-Sill) tails. This kind of tail can be used for grip. The [[spider]] [[monkey]] can use its prehensile tail as an extra hand at times of laziness. [[Possum]]s have prehensile tails so they can hang upside-down (why possums hang upside-down? I have no idea).
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Some tails provide magical powers and abilities, like the [[gecko]]'s tail which can be cut off and grown back. [[Tails the Straight|Some animals have the unique ability to fly by using their tails as propellers]]. [[Pig]]s have those curly tails for some unknown reason - some [[scientists]] say they are most likely used to make mini-[[tornado]]es to escape from farmers who want to butcher them. Then there are animals with prehensile (Pre-Hen-Sill) tails, the kind that can can be used as an extra hand at times of laziness. Or to hang upside-down (maybe because of mental [[retard]]ation).
   
Last and least, there are ''really'' short, stubby tails with absolutely no purpose, though animals with these stubs have ways to make up for it. For instance, [[rabbit]]s have very small tails that look more like freakin' cottonballs, but they make up for it in three ways: Their ridiculously long ears, their super cuteness powers, and their tendency to eat your soul.
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Last and least, there are ''really'' short, stubby tails with absolutely no purpose, though animals with these stubs have ways to make up for it. For instance, [[rabbit]]s have very small tails that look more like freaking cotton balls. However, they make up for it with their ridiculously long ears, super cuteness powers, and their tendency to eat your soul.
 
====Tail Types====
 
*Bushy tails
 
*Prehensile tails
 
*Tail fins/flukes
 
*Curly tails (for pigs only)
 
*Tails that can knock you over and break your leg
 
*Tails that are used as weapons
 
*Scorpion tails that stab things
 
*Tail feathers
 
*Stubby tails that are absolutely useless
 
   
 
== Why humans don't have tails ==
 
== Why humans don't have tails ==

Revision as of 18:15, January 18, 2013

Dog-kuso180

Not that kind of tail, dumbass!!

“Hey, my dog has one of those.”
~ Captain Obvious on his dog after reading this article

The tail is an arm growing out of the rear end of an animal's body; in general, the term refers to a distinct, flexible appendage to the torso. Tails are used for many different reasons, some good and some bad. There are all kinds of tails with different abilities such as flaming tails and useless flab of skin tails. About 90% of all animals have tails and only about 20% of humans have tails.

Tails and function

Tails come in many shapes and sizes, and provide many functions for animals. Most animals use their tails for balance, so without them they would constantly fall over.

Childrenhavetails

All children are born with tails.

Much of the most known tails came by the means of evolution or coincidental accidents. For instance, many dinosaurs were constantly preyed on by their natural predators and didn't have any means of defense, as the gun wasn't invented yet. So eventually their tails developed spikes and clubs that can be used as weapons that their tiny brains actually know how to use. Throughout its evolutionary stages, the beaver constantly had its tail run over and stepped on. Thus years later, that once powerful and useful tail became a flattened pancake-like appendage. Due to the humiliation this caused, the beaver decided to hide away in underwater dams and slap water, blaming it for its misery and because it is the only thing a flat tail is good for.

Some animals have tails just because they need them. A third of the world's fish, whales, and dolphins have tail fins which are mainly used to help them swim and face slap. And have you ever seen those nature documentaries where kangaroos stand on their tails and kick other kangaroos?. Crikey!

Tails can also be used for food. An example would be the scorpion's tail built in with a venomous stinger, which it uses to stab its victims before biting off their heads. Some animals, such as mangy dogs and feral midgets, have been known to eat their own tails at times when food is scarce or for their own stupidity.

Some tails provide magical powers and abilities, like the gecko's tail which can be cut off and grown back. Some animals have the unique ability to fly by using their tails as propellers. Pigs have those curly tails for some unknown reason - some scientists say they are most likely used to make mini-tornadoes to escape from farmers who want to butcher them. Then there are animals with prehensile (Pre-Hen-Sill) tails, the kind that can can be used as an extra hand at times of laziness. Or to hang upside-down (maybe because of mental retardation).

Last and least, there are really short, stubby tails with absolutely no purpose, though animals with these stubs have ways to make up for it. For instance, rabbits have very small tails that look more like freaking cotton balls. However, they make up for it with their ridiculously long ears, super cuteness powers, and their tendency to eat your soul.

Why humans don't have tails

Humans have wondered for years why THEY don't have tails like animals. Now, here's the answer. Science has shown a number of theories of how animals lost their tails and evolved into humans.

It has been said that humans evolved from monkeys. This was probably because they were drunk.

Recent studies now show that humans may have evolved from mermaids. Mermaids were notorious for slapping scuba divers in the face with their fish tails. As a result, some mermaids evolved into humans when their tails turned into legs. Others grew white fur and became seals. Early human females were known to infatuate males by brushing their big bushy tails in their faces. Today human females no longer have big bushy tails, but a slap in the ass works just as well. Others were extremely fat animals who were too lazy to use their tails and/or squashed them upon sitting down. Those animals evolved to become Fat People.

Today, humans with tails are very rare, most of them are young kids. At an older age, the girls lose their tails, causing their butts to grow round and sexy as a result. Boys keep their tails until an evolutionary change which causes the tails to turn into dicks.

Ath

Tail boner: That's why humans don't have tails.

Other animals without tails

Trivia

  • Having a ponytail does not give you an actual tail.
  • If someone farts when you pull his finger, consider what happens when you pull an animal's tail.
  • If your dog chases its tail, that means it has no life. Make sure it does NOT catch it. You don't want to know what happens if it does.
  • Don't step on the little kitty's tail.
  • Approximately 99% of all the people who read this article don't have tails.

Other things humans don't have

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