Taco Hell
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[edit] Background
Founded as a solution for America's growing waste problems, Glenn Bell discovered that by adding sour creme to the average pile of trash and wrapping it in a tortilla, he could sell "tacos" to ignorant white America. To make his restaurants more authentic and to avoid paying those pesky labor fees, Taco Bell uses illegal immigrants from Costa Rica and Mexico as its primary workforce. Known for its tasty chalupas and infamous E. Coli wraps, its pastors make up nearly 12/18ths of the population of Mexifornia. In 2004, they reported forced donations north of 276 million dollars. However, most of these profits were spent on candy, against the advice of Taco Bell's mother, who had wanted him to start a savings account. One of the biggest fans of Taco Bell is it's Pope, Benedict XVI. Taco Bell's tacos, until very recently, consisted of Rooster testicles plus the traditional pile of american trash. Taco Bell has since promised to raise its standards and now substitutes rooster testicles for horse cock.The horse cock meat within the tacos have been known to be of the highest quality outside of New York. Reno Nevada remains the only exception. Instead they choose to use ground up hobo as a substitute for horse cock in Taco Bell's tacos and burritos. Reno Nevada also boast the lowest homeless rate in the west.Taco Bell:Run for the bordertoilet,you'll feel it in a bit.
[edit] The Taco Bell Chihuahua
In the late 1940s, Taco Bell introduced its new God, a chihuahua named Percy. The dog was a hit, and was much better received than their previous mascot, a crack dealer named Dirty Sanchez( that fat mexican who mows your lawn.) The chihuahua caught on with the American pubic, as well as the public, with his signature catchphrase "A mi me gusta penes gordos", which roughly translates to "I like me some fat cocks." The dog went on to save all of fnord humanity from their sins better than before, and created the dollar menu which will make you feel like hell,that dogs been working with the devil.It's out to get you in your sleep,it wants revenge. it cuts off your balls and b-iotch slaps you, while doing your girlfriend. However this is just a theory, a very good theory.
I have to say theory because everything on Uncyclopedia is true, and people look to it for facts. Another theory was when Rosie O'Donald was riding her bike and...... checking out ellen degenerous on her video i-pod and.... she wasn't paying attention to the street and..... the Chihuahua was in the middle of the rode and... he said drop that Chilupa and... Rosie O' Donald.... passed him and the dog got sad and stopped eating, because no one payed attention to him. No she didnt run him over.
[edit] Controversies
In 2002 Taco Bell was sued by the country of Mexico for its' poor representation of Mexican food. The case reached the Supreme Court in 2006 and was decided in Taco Bell's favor when it was proven that, although Taco Bell's food is 83% more disgusting than real Mexican food, every portion contains at least 67% real Mexican body parts.
Hitler Jr has been rumoured to eat at Taco Bell, but he denies it.
Later cries from hardcore bestiality groups found offense in Taco Bell's 2004 slogan "Fuck you, Fuck everything, Taco Bell" After the ensuing bloody riots across Europe because of this controversy, it was more appropriately changed to "I'm going to get double fisted by two black midgets, then eat at Taco Bell!!!=)"
It has been recently rumoured that a future widespread epidemic of tuberculosis may, in fact, be associated with the Taco Bell franchise, hence the initials TB. This particular strain of the disease is said to be in a "sleeper" form, and will not awaken in customers' bodies until radiated by a signal generated from a tacky singing fish ornament in the Taco Bell CEO's office. Anyone who has ever consumed a regular bean burrito, any form of chalupa, or at least a single packet of the franchise's trademarked mild sauce is said to be subject to tuberculosis as soon as they are exposed.
In more recent times Taco Bell caught fire, as chronicled in the song Danger! High Voltage.
[edit] Latest Offerings
The new E.Coli Supreme Grande has been test-marketed in the northeast, with awfully poor results. As a result, Taco Bell will no longer market this product. This echoes the failure of Chi-Chi's test-market of Green Onions...now with Hepatitis A!.
There are rumors that Taco Bell is considering the production of giant bell-shaped tacos, which consist of the taco salad shell being inverted thereby resembling a bell. Engineers are still working on how to keep the meat from falling out. Lettuce too.
[edit] Taco Bell in Plop Culture
Pop artist Fergie has mentioned Taco Bell as her restaurant of choice. She states in her recent song "Glamorous" that she still went to Taco Bell and that the drive through was "raw as hell." Therefore, one must avoid the drive through at all costs, because we all know what is "raw as hell" Fergie.
Taco Bellvue Hospital in New New York City is a very popular hospital. It now offers urine samples in collectible NASCAR cups.
David Letterman's only monologue jokes involve Taco Bell and "that thing on Donald Trump's head".
[edit] Enchirito
The Enchirito is a special burrito that sometimes shows up on the Taco Bell menu. Legend has it that it is the only item on their menu that does not cause violent diarrhea, which is why Taco Bell makes every attempt in the world to deny that it exists.
[edit] How it Works
This is what happens at the drive-thru window at Taco Bell:
8:04am -- You pull up to the little screen and wait.
3:12pm -- You wait and your dog eats your shit in the toilet.
6:32pm -- You hear a click followed by "Th*czz* for ch*czz* sing *czzz* ell. I'll be one s*czz* ond."
6:35pm -- You assume they said "Thank you for choosing Taco Bell. I'll be one second.
7:26pm -- You hear a click and then "Thank you for *czz*ing. May I take you're penis?"
7:26pm -- You give him your penis and order.
7:27pm -- You order the E. Coli burrito thing and some donkey cock.
7:29pm -- You hear a click and then "Would *czzz*ou like anything else?"
7:30pm -- You say yesno
7:30pm -- You pull up to the first window
7:52pm -- Someone opens the window and takes your money and your brain.
7:53pm -- You pull up to the next window
9:47pm -- Someone gives you food. The order is wrong, but produces the same effect.
9:50pm -- You arrive at home and begin eating while your dog eats the crap.
10:00pm -- You take a shit
10:05pm -- You begin wiping
12:43am -- You finish wiping
12:44am -- You pull up your pants
12:45am -- Shit sprays down your leg and into your mouth (which happens to be on the floor, awed at the amount of toilet paper it took to wipe)
12:49am -- You go into the bathroom.
12:50 am -- You enter the twilight zone
12:51am -- As you take off your pants, shit sprays onto the wall.
1:00 am -- After a few moments of agony on the toilet, the smell gets too bad, so you go into the hall, thinking your shit-fit is over.
1:01 am -- Something warm covers your legs...both of them
1:02 am -- Your dog licks your legs, and you realize you've been lying on the carpet, shitting yourself.
1:05 am -- You succumb to dehydration and pass out as your legs soak up the spicy yet somehow satisfying flavor of puke and crap.
2:16 am -- Your dog died and shitted on your face.
3:00 am -- You wake up to find your dog dead and rotting in a pile of half-eaten shit.
4:00am -- Your dog rotted up and you shitted again.
5:00am -- You finish cleaning up the massive shit/blood stains all over your bathroom.
6:47am -- You buy a new dog and the dog bites and shits everywhere.
8:03am -- You go to Taco Bell again.
Repeat as necessary.
5:00 PM-You decide to sue Taco Bell franchise owner Jordan Chandler also called the Woon Doon Doon Doon man for some reason.He takes offense and tells you to eat his queso cuntwrap. Two years later-You and Jordan form the website Personal Teens
[edit] Conjunction With KFC
In 2006, Taco Bell joined forces with Kanye's Fuckin' Chicken to create a super resturaunt in the ghettos of rural Rhode Island. The result was bitchin'. It has since become a popular hangout for landscapers and black people.
[edit] See also
- Poop Cuisine
- Find the Taco
- Feud Food: Drive-Thru Deathmatch
- I Am Going To Kill Your Brother
- Cheesy Gordita Crunch
- taco
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