Syphilis

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“From what I understand, the first few minutes of this disease are dynamite, but it's all downhill from there.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Syphilis
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Syphilis.

Most commonly known as the "DJ Momesso and Shylo Stratdee disease", syphilis is also known as one of the top ten STD's to acquire for any enthusiastic STD collector and is most commonly spread by Christine Hannivan. Syphilis is commonly known as pox or greatpox.

edit Early History

Syphilis first reared it's ugly red splotched head sometime during the reign of Charlemagne, when the notion of a French national identity was disturbing the rest of the world. Invented by Francois Syphilitic, it was first caught off him by his sister and then his twenty cousins (male and female).

edit Famous Syphilitic Collectors

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Al Capone in the advanced stages of Sithilis shortly before his death

Throughout USA history many avid STD colectors have acquired this gem. Notably Lord Byron, who wrote the famous ode "Childe Harold's Syphilitic Tour of Europe" based on his own famous Grand Tour conducted in his twenties. It is believed by modern researchers that Byron slept with approximately half of the female population of France. To make sure he had this dreaded disease also look at the "redundant page" also.

Al Capone famously led a crime syndicate dedicated to the illegal traffic of the STD in the USA during the 1920s Prohibition of Syphilis, saying "People are gonna catch syphilis. You know that, I know that, we all know that. All I do is act on that." Dedicated treasury officer Elliott Ness had Capone arrested and imprisoned, but upon being told that Prohibition was to be repealed, Ness, when asked for his views, was quoted as saying "I think I'll catch syphilis." Capone had been an avid collector of syphilis since his youth but stupidly died of a syphilis overdose aged 48 years of age.

edit Symptoms of Syphilis

  • Primary syphilis: First, the germs cause chancres on genitalia. These won't help you getting laid. And you won't come even if you find someone willing.
  • Secondary syphilis: The pox will cause visible blisters on your face and elsewhere on your skin. Won't help you getting laid. But if you succeed, you may always remind your partner that "shared joy is double the joy and shared sorrow only half the sorrow".

After this stage the syphilis goes latent, symptomless. When the pox came to Europe from Americas (this is self-evident because the syphilis always originates somewhere else), the facial symptoms of syphilis were considered as evidences of sexual ability. Nevertheless, getting them required some kind of virility. But after finding out what the tertiary syphilis will cause, syphilis ceased to be a fashionable disease.

  • Tertiary syphilis is the problem of those who have had the disease for decades. Its symptoms are paralytic dementia, which means inflammation of brain, which will cause insanity and even psychopatic behaviour and megalomaniac delusions, vomiting and other agony, which in the end will render the patient a vegetable. When the disease advances, the cortex of brain will be destroyed, softened and eventually cause complete paralysis of a muscle or muscular group. The tertiary syphilis can be visible in behaviour. The patient may become interested in philosophy, litterature, exploration, painting, composing, theatre or poetry. Someone with very advanced syphilis may instead become a left-wing politician, right-wing politician, world conqueror, czar, mafia boss or a dictator In the end the megalomania and delusions will lead into dementia, where the patient has no other choice but become an Uncyclopedia administrator.

edit Syphilitic Hotspots

If you to want to catch syphilis, here are some of the places the disease is readily available:


France is traditionally the home of Syphilis, so of course, this is the best place to catch a quality disease. France is also home to every other type of STD, and the women there are very...morally uninhibited.

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