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“When the working class acquires taste, taste will soon go out of fashion”
“It won't work”
Syndicalism is a political ideology that claims that the state shall be dissolved and replaced with organized crime.
It just won't work!
Known as the Koh-in-noor of inept thinking, this utopian idea is by the majority considered to be a "meh". The second best argument against it is that any dissolving of the state won't work at all. The best argument against it is if you switched the state against organized crime, what would be the difference?
Hell yeah, it will!
Large portions of Spain operated successfully under syndicalist principles until Franco, with help from Hitler, destroyed freedom in Spain.
The rest of this page is total nonsense, written by people who are totally ignorant of history.
Because, something that might have worked 80 years ago in Spain, immediately preceding a civil war, is probably the best alternative to the
global capitalist system that made your laptop.
Syndicalism and anarchism
Just like you can't accept an offer by a telephone salesman without finding that you on the same time has bought 15 other merchandises that you never heard of, you can't join a syndicalist organisation without coming home with a black star on your jacket. This is mainly the fault of the Spainish who like to blend things freely in their tasty paella. In the civil war against general Franco in 1936-39 the anarchists led the shootings while the syndicalists did the talking, a joint venture that has continued ever since.
The combination of workers rights and organized crime soon lead to the formation of the syndicate. The syndicate is the founding stone of the syndicalist organization and has at it's goal to "protect" a certain trade on the local level. The syndicates are on the national level organized in Trade Union Federations, and on the local level in Families.
Invertedly, it follows that the syndicalist practice works very well, since it's ideology is so screwed up. The syndicalist practice consists of a numerous tactics on how to achieve specified goals such as raising salary, improving labor safety, score receptionists, keeping jobs, getting rid of jobs and instead live on social security, kitten huffing and mandatory time off for the Macarena.
Some of the most famous methods are:
- sit down strikes
- massive strikes
- massive general strikes
- massive super-general strikes
- sexy underwear
- attaching "kick me" signs to bosses
Syndicalism arose in the middle 19:th century simultaneously in France and Italy. The political system in Europe showed itself inept to deal with the economic crisis of the 1840's. A massive shortage of Absinthe left the dispossessed Addicts all over Europe alone to try to take care of their own problems. Their experience of moonshining inspired the workers and peasants] to raise their hoarse voices in a cry for self rule and political autonomy. In Italy the ghost of soberness struck out the Mafia. Independent of each other, this two groups came to the same conclusion - that the best way to take care of your self in a crisis is to stick to your gun and screw the legislation.
In the end of the 19:th century, the IWW, Illinois Wide Web was founded as America's first syndicalist trade union. They soon earned the nickname "wobblies" for their inability to decide which kind of action to take in any given situation, and for their love of Kitten Huffing. Usually when the wobblies would get more than 3 members on a work site, they would start a sit strike, then hang around for a few hours, Huff a kitten, then work a little to earn some pocket money. Then go on strike again....
This indecisiveness didn't stop until the employers hired the Pinkerton private detective army to chase the wobblies away from the working scene. This gave the wobblies a direction in life and drove them into the arms of the Tattaglia family, sanctioned by the Your Enemy’s Enemy Is Your Friend - Legislation.
With the Tattaglias in their back the IWW reached a golden age of work extortion. Soon their famous demand:
started to echo all over the dense industrialized Great Lake Region.
In 1914 the Mexican Revonution under the supervision of the anarchic Emiliano Zapata became the first revolution pre funded by the movie industry. Zapata sold the film rights of his memoirs to Hollywood in exchange for the needed guns and ammunition. His revolution was subsequently cast with Marlon Brando in the leading role. Hence Brando became a role model for the American syndicalism, and that rewarded him a place as a lice in the black and red flag. It also helped him to establish a nourishing relation to the mafia and the leading role in the Godfather series.
From the family branch of the syndicalist organisation came the second greatest of the American syndicalists, Marilyn Monroe. As a libertarian Mata Hari she was hand picked in order to ensnare the very president of the United States. The plan was founded on an assumption that the assassination strategy promoted by Sorel on the late 19:th century was insufficient for modern political struggle. It was therefore suggested that direct violent action against leaders of the state should be replaced by direct sexual seduction.
Shortly thereafter, President Kennedy was assassinated. Most archaeologist agree that the hit was organized by Frank Sinatra because he was mad that Marilyn Monroe had ousted him as the mafias favourite pet. He thus proved the eternal values of anarchist philosofer Sorels love for physical violence. Seducer Monroe quickly passed away from the political scene, sex fast slided away from Washington to Woodstock, while assassination became the political fashion of the decade.
In short, everything returned to the way it was back in the late 19th century. But most people blamed this on the Matrix, and not on the failed anarcho-syndicalist revolution (Primarily because most people are confused by long words.)
Alternate uses of the word
Anarcho-syndicalism has a lot of syllables. It can therefore be used to confuse drunken members of the opposite sex long enough for you and you buddies to score. There is just something sexy about this word, isn't there? It just rolls off the tounge, just like a lot of other things which are fun on a Saturday night.
- Baby Jesus
- Emiliano Zapata
- Vito Corleone
- Marilyn Monroe Clones
- Mayor McCheese
- Mickey Mouse
- Donald Duck
- Jimmy Hoffa
- Al C'PWN
- Peter Griffin
- Your Mom